|Reviews for The Girl With No Name|
| ifeelmad1 chapter 15 . 5/23/2013
I get that she isn't too grieved since she never knew her father, but there should have been far more tension and excitement when she was preparing to see hik, and far more detaila on emotion when she saw he was dead. The lack of details makes the grief seem unconvincing.
Still, I liked the scene with the youth, and what she observed as she went around as a boy.
| ifeelmad1 chapter 14 . 5/23/2013
Not very much detail on tension or emotion here. It didn't work for me.
| ifeelmad1 chapter 13 . 5/23/2013
Ok, these innuendoes, while small, are a bit much. I'm really not sure how the child readers and their parents will react. And they're written so awkwardly.
| ifeelmad1 chapter 11 . 5/23/2013
I think you meant wring out, not ring out.
This setting is excellently created, and this is chapter. Have you ever read Alice in Wonderland?
| ifeelmad1 chapter 10 . 5/23/2013
So she doesn't even know her fathers dead. COOL. This is a nice twist.
| Gothar Hrothgar chapter 1 . 5/22/2013
I really like the simplicity of the entire thing. It's very easy to understand and while reading I feel like it's some sort of fairy tale. The tone (basing on how I read it in my head) was gentle and it's definitely not forced. The way you gave the reader more information about the characters is very natural.
I will be reading this chapter by chapter (each time I do a "review sweep" and/or I submit a chapter or two). I love it. I'm faving this one. :D
| ifeelmad1 chapter 9 . 5/22/2013
Very nice :) loving it
| ifeelmad1 chapter 8 . 5/21/2013
Awww :) so cute and wonderful :)
| ifeelmad1 chapter 7 . 5/21/2013
I love this chapter! Adorable and funny and sweet. :) this might have been your best. :)
| ifeelmad1 chapter 6 . 5/21/2013
Is this a book for kids? The mention of "changing in front of other women" was a bit too much, even for a teenagers' fantasy book. :(
| ifeelmad1 chapter 5 . 5/21/2013
Nice chapter, but it would've been nicer and more convincing to see the conversation between them. I know this briefness is common in fairy tale type books of the earlier days, but doesn't work here.
| ifeelmad1 chapter 4 . 5/21/2013
Hmmm . . . I guess this chapter is okay. The whole thing with being able to frighten off soldiers with magical powers seems a bit muchto me. If she can do that, what can't she do? I'll wait to see what significant obstacle she'll have to overcome.
| ifeelmad1 chapter 3 . 5/21/2013
I love her lessons about magic, and what you said about the "real" reason that the magic people had gone. And I understand that yo had to keep the chapter brief. But the lack of detail in the last part of the chapter made it seem emotionless. Could you try to add more description to the scene of her realization that the old man was dead? And "then she set out to find her father" just didn't work for me. Maybe you could indent the sentence and omit the 'then'?
| ifeelmad1 chapter 2 . 5/21/2013
Sorry, got wrapped up in writing something, forgot about reviewing. I'll have it down before the 30th.
This is an adorable chapter, but I'm having a bit of trouble with the way some of these sentences are structured. Just a few. I'm feeling like cr*p so I'll specify later.
Something about the mayors and the Elders debate rubs me the wrongway. "Has she burnt someone as a cooking pot? Has a bag of flour harmed anyone? " etc. etc. And "the mayor tried but could find no argument." I just don't like the "debating" tone of the conversation, especially "the mayor could find no argument." It seems more like something you'd find in a book written by a young person, not to be offensive. The story is still very good. Reading on . . .
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 5/21/2013
You know when you’re reading something, and it feels like it’s going from strength to strength? This is like that. Another wonderful chapter, and I really like the small aspects of this world; the unicorn, for example. It’s introduced smoothly, with no kind of “oh look, it’s a unicorn. Look at how fantastical this world is!” feeling that some other pieces have. The voice and style works nicely, and you manage to convey the POV of the girl really well, especially as it’s in third person. I like the end of the chapter, too, and it shows nicely how her emotions are expressed in the forms she takes. Lovely stuff.