|Reviews for Preview of Palax: Defenders of the unseen|
| KayMacD chapter 1 . 8/20/2012
Heeeey! The sequel's up!
There's a little part where it goes like, "his tongue trailed in to meat mine." Meet. Meat's the food. Weird image. -_-
And I'm not sure if you mean "amulet" or "ambulant." Amulet being the shiny thing on a necklace and ambulant being something I've never heard of. Maybe it's ambulant, I don't know. Just putting it out there.
Also a couple comma errors. Make sure to add commas before addressing a person, like "Just tell them, Ezra!" "You're wrong, Stacy!" And such.
Whether or not this fits into the story is a bit iffy. It's a sweet idea. It sounds like something I'd think about during math class or something when I'm like, "story ideas..." But the whole "Be social or you're moving to Georgia" thing is a little shaky. Especially since Ezra's almost eighteen and all, so it'd be a total waste of his parents' time...and why Jansen would be at the school when he was supposed to be at Pixie Academy is also a mystery, though "Class is over" is a good enough explanation for me. :D
Anyways...I think I've rambled enough. Keep your options open. You never know what you might find out. :)