|Reviews for River Quincy and the children's war|
| ShaDowZ3dge chapter 5 . 2/23/2014
I like the 'you' characters personality. It's perfect for war P
Anyway, I do like the idea of the story and I do like your writing style.
I hope you update in the near future
(Jy skryf shap M ) )
| ShaDowZ3dge chapter 4 . 2/23/2014
I'm glad you introduced one of the other grades as well and giving them kind off a superior 'level' as the rest. I was starting to think this school only had weak-ass students.
| ShaDowZ3dge chapter 3 . 2/23/2014
Those eighth graders are pretty damn witty. I think I am starting to like them... They will be on my 'zombie apocalypse team' ;)
I wanna see if the'll get some supplies, so to the next chapter I go
| ShaDowZ3dge chapter 2 . 2/23/2014
... Well that escalated quickly haha I did not expect that. But it's not a bad thing.
You don't have to think that they are crazy in the head, they blew up a freaking room filled with teachers! of course they're crazy haha.
| ShaDowZ3dge chapter 1 . 2/23/2014
Hey M D
Pretty interesting start, it's interesting to see the 'you' character being almost being oppressed by the new eighth graders, though she does not seem like the kind of character to be walked over, So i'm looking forward to seeing what she will do.
Oh and reason number one, was non existent to me hehe
(Maar sover all in all 'n goeie storie)
| Cathy Casam chapter 3 . 8/22/2012
So far so good. I'm so glad you didn't mess up the whole diary thing, and the story is going nicely. But well maybe it's just me but I still don't really understand how this entire war thing works. Plus, in chapter two, you mixed up "their" with "they're". Still, I really liked your story, and nah, I don't think it's going to become another Hunger Games.
| not Ross chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
If you're not really in the mood for critiquing, then don't waste your time reading this review. Haha
Like the previous review said, this story does have potential. I think you could explore a lot of things with it, although it's hard to say for SURE because this chapter is so dang short.
I'm guessing that this is a diary entry thing, and when people do diary entries for first chapters, it always makes me nervous, because it's an easy way to spiral down into the world of cliches. But at least you didn't do the, "Cool, new diary! My name is Xerxes Jones, I'm 5'11" and have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a pet fish named Belthesar," or something like that. So that's good! The super-heavy foreshadowing is also a little bit, um, off-putting, but now that I'm thinking about it, the way you describe the incoming 9th grade class (which I'm finally realizing is the old 8th grade class which the story will be about) is some much more interesting, more subtle foreshadowing. Like, if that's how they act when they're at the bottom of the food chain, how are they going to act LAST year, at the TOP of the food chain? That's really interesting.
I can't figure out for the life of me where he/she mentioned the "first reason," and thus I have no idea what it is...
Also, if this is a diary entry, it might be a good idea to just bite the bullet and put actual dates on there, too. Like "August 24th, 2015" or something like that. It does force you to keep a little better track of the timeline of the story, which is hard, but it's hard to believe someone would date their journal entry "first day of school." The dates don't technically even have to be accurate, since it is in the future - though I'm sure you could find a 2015 calendar if you wanted to be REALLY thorough, but I'm sure no one will slap you if you're not.
And to answer your question, do YOU think you should continue? I mean, if someone told you that you shouldn't, would you really stop? Who are you writing for?
Hope I didn't offend. There are plenty of people who just want to be kissed up to, and I do not kiss up to anyone. :)
| Cathy Casam chapter 1 . 8/19/2012
Yeeessss you most definitely should. Stories like this always get me excited for no reason. This story has great potential, but you might want to be careful not to turn it into another Lord of the Flies or Hunger Games. All in all, I love the way you presented it, and I can only find one small typo: classmate, and that's all.
Um, would you mind reading over my story?