Reviews for Odd Bird
VelvetyCheerio chapter 24 . 9/2/2013
Sheesh, I didn't think that not killing Joseph would cause things to spiral out of control this much. o.o

This is the very reason Priya was sent back in time in the first place, ugh. She should have gotten him when she had the chance. Who would have thought Jason was really trying to help out all along. Another excellent chapter!
VelvetyCheerio chapter 23 . 6/6/2013
Yikes, the ultimate betrayal. So was Jason the good guy all along? o.o It's so hard to believe the way events have spiraled. Oh, if only she had listened to him. But was this the moment? The true moment where it all started to collapse?

Really good work for a turning point in the story. It's going to be exciting to know what happens from here. :D
VelvetyCheerio chapter 22 . 5/10/2013
Whaat? So Captain Jesus underpants guy really is Joseph?! o.o Man, I mean, with the comic book mysteries he'd always read, I guess that's one way of connecting him, but wow, who would have thought those were his inner thoughts. Which I think is pretty odd, because Priya is always so good at detecting what others are thinking, but she never picked up on those dark thoughts of his. Hmm.

This chapter was a little confusing concerning characters. I'm guessing "the boy" is the shifter boy, but when I read it, it seemed like someone else was coming on to the scene. My impression from Chapter 20 was that everyone was converged in one spot.

So this confused me a little:

[I feel the cut glass of his head space before I see him.]

She didn't see Jason before? Or is this someone else? Where that paragraph starts and a few down, I just don't understand who is being described, or what's happening. Someone has a bloody shirt, a bloody hand. Jason is urging Priya to kill Joseph? Or the shifter boy?

And then Joseph. What is he doing? I don't understand, haha. He wants Priya and the others to kill Jason, or the shifter? I feel like the shifter is suddenly the target, but I don't know what he did besides try and protect Priya. Has Joseph finally gone mad?

Some mistakes:

[The glass shared cut behind my eyes] *shard

[You can see he'd the bad guy.'] *he's

[The freaks, the hero's,] *heroes

Regardless of that, it was another beautifully written chapter. I really like the descriptive imagery of Ronaldo. He's easily becoming a favorite of mine for his ability and the way Priya perceives it.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 21 . 4/21/2013
What a strange chapter. o.o Who is this, uh, Captain Jesus Underpants Lobster-Dude. XDD I wanted to think it was Joseph but no, that doesn't make sense. It couldn't be Jason, since this person claims to be a mere human. It has to be someone that's been following Priya around then. Perhaps always in the shadows. Lurking. Hmm. Very interesting.

I rather like this character, though, whoever they are. This person will definitely be a game changer, and I think their addition to the plot creates new drive. Short chapter, but nicely planned. Good work!
VelvetyCheerio chapter 20 . 3/18/2013
Jason is so cruel. However, I will admit, I've forgotten why Jason wants Joseph dead, ahehe. ._. Seems like a lot of trouble is going in to getting this guy dead, but so far nothing very special about him has come up. Does Jason just want to torture Priya? Did she do something to him that I forgot about? Or is he just a psychopath and these are his victims?

I feel like, for me, the plot has become confusing and blurry. Of course, I can't anticipate what the next chapter will hold, but at this point in the story, I'm not really following what's going on anymore. I was hoping there would be some action, more questions, more interaction from the side characters (this was actually my biggest letdown), but the plot is still dragging itself.

Overall, another well written chapter and the ending was exciting.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 19 . 3/8/2013
Well that's unfortunate. I don't think I had much hope for that boy anyway, but how did he end up getting tangled with some fight club? How did he get contracted?

I liked the dialogue for Tommy, it was a surprising change from the norm, but I think it fits him well. A wild boy.

[Hair push out o' follicles like needles] The word "follicles" did seem a little high grade, though, compared to the rest of the language.

Well, all these little tidbits of a world gone wrong are fascinating still, but I'm growing curiouser and curiouser of what cataclysmic event started the whole mess. A sad chapter, nonetheless. As always, superb emotional detail. :)

VelvetyCheerio chapter 18 . 2/22/2013
I don't even know how to express what I am feeling right now. Uhm. aoitkalkarngjeri! This cliffhanger, it is too exciting. My inner fangirl has been unleashed, lol. *takes a breath*

Seems Joseph is either going to stick with Priya, or ditch her. I thought he might be feeling pretty left out, not having abilities like everyone else. But sheesh, he's getting really worked up about it. I like that he confronts her, though. Priya has been flighty and I always think it's interesting to see how certain characters react under pressure and confrontation.

Poor shifter boy trying to protect her, derp. So cute of him. :'D

[If we were meant to know each other we'd have some sort of innate sensory system or be the dominant species or something but we're not so we shouldn't.'] I thought this was a very thought-provoking line. Is it the truth, or is it just Priya's perception of how things are based on how they affect her?

And woop, that cliffhanger.

[The sickly smooth silver of an impenetrable fortress.] lol, when I saw this line I was all, "no, can it be?!" and then it was. XD

Omg, I'm so excited for this. It's gonna be sooo good. xD Fantastic chapter, I loved it. :D

[There was a heat that growing in my brain,] Omit "that" or add "was".
VelvetyCheerio chapter 17 . 2/13/2013
Heh, I guessed that whatever Priya's mind was trying to connect with was animal. I didn't think, shifter though. o.o But yeah, I was kind of thinking it would just be a bunch of raccoons or something, haha.

Very interesting, this boy. I guess Joseph wasn't the only one who was staking out house. Not sure if his volatile nature would be a good match for the group, though. Plus, he's pretty young.

I thought the dialogue from Priya toward the end was, different. It definitely follows your poetic narrative style, but I thought it was a jarring break from your the usual dialogue seen between characters.

[like dust gathering in the corner of a room]

['So unwind, let go. You're safe with me.']

There's so much charm and poetry in those examples, but I feel like they break from Priya's usual dialogue. I'm not sure if all that is part of what she "didn't know she was doing", but I just found it strange.

Anyway, good chapter overall.

[and trying not the let the tears fall.] *to

[we watched to boy scream and writhe] *the

[I wish something could shove their fist] Not sure if you want to keep something or their, but I feel like to keep them both creates a sort of grammar mistake. This is just my opinion, but "something" in my mind implies a thing, not a person, which means it could not be a "you" "theirs" or "his/hers". An "its" would seem more likely.

Very interesting update, especially with the ending. Priya and Joseph's relationship seems to be getting tense.
lookingwest chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
I like this. The title name "Odd Bird" and cover caught my eye - and I normally don't review off-forum. And hey! I just saw - a friend of mine reviewed you, haha, she has great taste, so no wonder.

But anyway, this drew me in with curiosity. You've got a nice summary/presentation going. There are some beautiful lines in this first entry - I really liked "I hunker down in a die alley and listen. To nothing. To everything." and also, "like a car alarm raging over and over again in the emptiness of my mouth, my street, my world." Your attention to sound and the senses make this a really rich little number. I thought at first I might be pushed away by its bare bones, but you've managed to execute the directness really well. You do good with the intrigue - I'm wondering who our narrator is (besides being named Priya). Also, I liked the references to the apocalypse. That stuff always draws me in. If I get more time I think I'll return to this - thanks for the read!
VelvetyCheerio chapter 16 . 1/17/2013
Aah, good to know what their living situation is, or what it was anyway. D:

I thought it was kind of funny that Joseph was standing right there next to the house while he was telling Priya about it. XD It kind of makes me wonder what kind of person Joseph is, really. Maybe I already expressed that sentiment, I don't remember. He seems like he would be a pickpocket if he put his time to it, but then he's also into murder mysteries and all that... Hmm. I wonder what he did.

And who is the squatter already in the house? o: Hopefully not someone dangerous. Hopefully not Jason. I kind of want Jason and Joseph to be in the same space. Square off, knock heads. Jason is a trickster, he's sly and cunning, but I don't think he'd be any good in a fist fight.

[and I could tell her was more than pissed by her sudden disappearance.] Not sure what you were going for here.

[I vague sense of weightlessness ran down my legs] *A

Exciting cliffhanger at the end, and a wonderful update. :)

VelvetyCheerio chapter 15 . 1/7/2013
Of course the moment she gets up the courage to tell him she can't, haha.

I actually don't have much to say about this chapter. I did notice how little time Priya and Joseph seem to be spending together. Where are they now anyway? Are they still at the boarding house? I'm still very curious what series of events led to the horrors witnessed in earlier chapters.

Since Joseph hasn't been in those chapters, I figure Priya didn't kill him when she needed to and Jason ended up doing the job. Hmm. Very curious.

I enjoyed the update! :D

VelvetyCheerio chapter 14 . 12/26/2012
[cram my head with as many as these whisper soft thoughts] *of these

Priya isn't all that innocent, so it would seem. Taking pleasure in the suffering of others, tsk tsk.

I'm surprised she'd even still talk to that jerk, Jason. But I'm glad she calls him out on his dangerous nature. Even if she's not talking to the right people about this, at least she's getting it out there.

[Something drops in my stomach and it finally hits me that he's serious about all this.] I like this sentence. I know it's directed at Jason, but it feels pretty ambiguous when first read. It kind of seems like she's also realizing this about the suicidal man as well, like she thought he wasn't really going to do it since he was still bargaining with himself.

I do think it's nice to know what Jason really is, unless he *is* lying. Psychopaths don't always tell the truth. Still, if he is a drawer, then that would mean Priya's been thinking some very unpleasant thoughts about Joseph. I do wonder why Jason wants him gone. What did Joseph ever do? Hmm.

Jason's final words are cryptic. The suspense builds...

VelvetyCheerio chapter 13 . 12/17/2012
Whoa, intense update.

It's cool that the story stayed true to its format and skipped through time again. I was beginning to think we'd be stuck on one time-line until we got to the part that was supposed to stop the world from going mad.

I'm glad to see Cara's character again, though. I figured she had to be important somehow. I wonder who she didn't kill. Was it Priya? These tidbits of future foreshadow such dark past events.

Also, I know I've already said this a hundred times, but your prose is like music to my ears.

[So I wait in the heaving, sighing cry of the greying faces and pray that the water doesn't swallow me whole.]

[letting her head dip to try and tip some of the thoughts out.]

[And the sneeze arrives, crumpling my body into a whisper of the wind.] I particularly like how her ability feels like a sneeze to her. It makes it feel so common, it keeps things relatable.

There are so many questions to ask with this chapter, and I fear what the answers might be, but I really enjoyed reading this. It was chilling. o:

[even the officers were too sure they should let go.] *weren't

[when i'm picking my way through] *I'm

[covered by her hand as if she;s trying to] *she's

VelvetyCheerio chapter 12 . 12/6/2012
Ooh, so I ended up looking for the definitions of the titles, hehe. Nice choices, looking back, they correlate nicely with the subject matter.

[final few thoughts of his the stop worrying at my seams.] *to

[I felt his mind turn coarse,, spiralling] There's an extra comma here.

[I reached my hand up the frozen peas in his hand] Looking back on this sentence, I can't be sure if it's intentional, but it does read awkward so I thought I'd point it out.

Overall, great chapter. I love how Ronaldo steps up to Joseph, telling him to stop being so hard on Priya. I actually wonder if Joseph feels a little left out since he doesn't have powers and that's what makes him want to be "leader" since he doesn't really have much else to contribute.

I also liked how Priya was beginning to associate the love and protection she felt from her mother with Joseph. I think it's interesting and I wonder how it'll affect character development from here on.

She still has to face the task of Jason, though. He's so manipulative, I hope things don't go south for their little group. That last line sounded foreboding. o:

Awesome update. It took me a while to get to it, what with finals and all that jazz, but I enjoyed it.

Dawnie-7 chapter 11 . 11/13/2012
I definitely feel like Cara is going to be one of the defining moments of how everything goes to hell.
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