Reviews for Odd Bird
VelvetyCheerio chapter 11 . 11/5/2012
Hmm. Was this the trigger? The moment that it all spiraled out? Or maybe it's a culmination of things that she didn't do right, of things that just went wrong.

I wonder if they'll ever see Cara again.

Ha, I like Ronaldo and his jumbled English. xD It's endearing.

I wonder why Priya didn't want him to know about Jason, though. I wonder if she'll tell Joseph, hmm.

Some mistakes:

[Instantly he mind rolled into mine.] *her

[my head begins to expand with exhausting until it's] *exhaustion

The foreshadowing at the end was very ominous. I enjoyed this chapter, it was interesting to see Priya choose to reject another with abilities.

Velvet.
Dawnie-7 chapter 10 . 11/3/2012
Goooooood Jason scares the beJesus out of me. He's like a cold chill deep down in your bones that you can't shake out. It's very unerving.
Dawnie-7 chapter 9 . 11/2/2012
Gosh, I find it so hard to review these chapters. I just don't even know how to think properly afterwards and I feel so dizzy almost.
I liked the focus on just Priya and Ro in this one, giving their like specialty. It gives their world a better perspective, heartbreaking as it is.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 10 . 10/31/2012
Ooh, horrifying. I really don't like Jason. I think it's interesting, the way he can make Priya stop knowing the other minds, but he's such a bad guy. ._.

I did think it was so weird the way she lied to him, though, about being glad to have nothing. And the way her mind was described, seeking for anything to latch on to. I wonder if it's her, or if that's just what her power does; an uncontrollable urge to know other minds.

[You're the ants crawling in my veins.] I like that line.

I hope Priya is okay, though. She's going to have to tell Ronaldo and Joseph about Jason. She can't fight him on her own.

Some mistakes I found:

[Ronaldo dragged me onwards before there hurrying little feet could trampled] there should be "their" and trampled should be "trample"

[My minds kept bleeding into his] mind

[He didn't need to know my mind has knotted itself] had

[It took a few seconds to realised it was actually happening.] realise

Other than that, good work on this chapter. I think I'm going to start looking up what these phobias are. xD They look like they would have interesting definitions.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 9 . 10/21/2012
There's such an amount of philosophy and pain in this chapter. I feel bad for Priya. :[ I hope she learns how to control her mind, like Jason can wall his off. That skill would be really helpful.

However, this chapter, as compared to some of the others that deal with her ability, was a lot easier to follow. Even though Priya was swimming through the voices in her head, I didn't feel like I was lost with her. I can't say this is a good thing with all readers, but I do find it frustrating when I have a hard time keeping up with what's going on in a characters head.

One sentence I didn't really understand:

[Joseph and his friendship had sort of cooled off since Ronaldo realised how unrelenting he was about our need to be more than we were.] Joseph's friendship with Ronaldo and Priya, or just Priya? I think I'm just confused to see Ronaldo's name in there, because it makes me think that Joseph wants more than a friendship with Priya, rather than a desire to grow the group's ability and solve strange mysteries.

Unless he does want a relationship with Priya and I just somehow wasn't catching on to any of the clues. _

On a different note, I'm going to pull out some select phrases cause I like the way they sound. xD

[If I was out of my mind, then someone else was in it.] The implications here... horrifying!

[A tiny little house fire in a forest fire world.']

[I stare so hard at the fruit I can picture a world, a silent world growing beneath its skin.]

I really enjoyed this chapter. I wonder if there will a come a time where Priya can't hear anything for a day. I wonder if it will be the event that spells disaster for the rest of the world. Hmm.

Velvet.
Dawnie-7 chapter 8 . 10/18/2012
This is so great so far. I'm just in love with the way you write. It's very poetic like, and somber but so beautiful. I really the idea and the plot so far is very intriguing. I really enjoy the chapter titles too :)
VelvetyCheerio chapter 8 . 10/13/2012
Review courtesy of the Review Marathon. Link in my profile!

I liked the change of pace, the switch from post-apocalyptic to sunshine and park swings. It keeps me on my toes, wondering what the next setting will be. It also makes me really worried for past Priya, because I have seen her future, and it's ugly.

I'm also really interested in Jason now. He's definitely evil, but I am just as curious as Priya as to how he keeps his mind walled up. But his powers are frightening and incredible. I'm not sure I understand what Priya understood, about Jason escaping his crimes, but I think it has something to do with him being able to put words in other people's mouths. As much as Jason is a villain, I'm starting to like him. He's cunning and dark. He's got an agenda and I want in on it.

I'm really into this story. I was at one point worried it was going to turn into a "superhero convention", but it looks like the limits of the group stop at Ronaldo, so this should be exciting. Thanks for the fun read!

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 7 . 10/13/2012
Chilling. o:

I was concerned at first that maybe the time jumps would make me very frustrated because I wouldn't be able to keep anything very straight in my head, but they are working quite well. Actually, they work in conjunction to the plot it would seem, starting in the past and jumping to the future. It doesn't leave much in the way of mystery or suspense, though, knowing the outcomes. It does make me want to know how things turned out the way they did.

[It was the other one, the darker one we should have kept an eye out for.] I bet it's Jason who did this.

Again, the dialogue here is very beautiful. I like the imagery conjured up when Ronaldo talks about hanging from cages "elongating their necks". It was scary and it makes me think of such dark and twisted times.

This chapter was awesome.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 6 . 10/13/2012
I'm actually getting very confused. Priya's POV is hard to follow since she always seems to be so lost in her head. Like, I get that she can hear and know what other people are thinking, but how much further does that extend? When she bumps into the man in the crowds she knows his kidneys are failing. If she can only see into minds, how does she know what's going on in his body if even he doesn't know that?

Also, I still don't understand how she was getting burned just because the boy was a "burner" as she called him. It's all very confusing.

I did think the appearance of Jason was very intriguing. I wonder if he's going to be a good guy, or a bad guy. He seems very sneaky and sly right now, having his mind walled up like that. I worry he'll try to trick Priya into doing evil things for him.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 5 . 10/13/2012
Hmm, this is getting intense.

I am going to say that I'm a little disappointed with this chapter. It was cool in the previous chapter, learning about Priya's mind and how it bleeds like "watercolor" into others' minds, but I think this chapter really overdid it in terms of Priya's mind.

I think it's all well and good to know that can't stand crowds, but I felt like this chapter was too focused on her mind and how it affects her and how she vomits. It's not as interesting as the previous chapters have been because I don't think that's where the plot was taking us. Or at least, I thought the plot was going to be focused on flipping a moment in time so that it would change everything, or something along those lines.

The ending to this chapter was really good, though, and it makes me want to read on. I want to know how this strange boy could possibly be setting Priya on fire. Unless he's another type of person who has mind abilities. o: I'm excited to find out.

[He gave me another sharp look as I jolted back from a large bear man with pointed thoughts jostled into me.] This sentence didn't really make sense. I think you're missing a word in here.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 4 . 10/13/2012
Whoa, this is getting confusing. Is Priya still time warping, or are these all flashbacks? o:

It's nice to get a good idea of her age. It surprises me then, how naive she sounded in the first chapter. She seems a little more bitter now. I wonder what happened to change her, or at the very least, what happened to change the world.

The direction the plot is taking is really cool, too. I wonder if someone did create some sort of virus, or serum that gave people powers, but when they realized it was getting out of control, they decided to shut the whole thing down. It sounds like it could be the start of an adventure.

And I really like Joseph, haha. He seems like such a simple boy. Like the normal sidekick to a superhero. I kind of hope nothing bad happens to him. He's already grown on me, the sweet kid. I feel like if things get dicey, he'll be the one I'll be most able to relate to.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 3 . 10/13/2012
I like the idea of Hiroshima radiation being the root cause of these strange abilities. But I especially loved the idea of Amelia Earhart having the power to control gravity! In this story, nothing seems farfetched. I think that's important to mention, because starting off with a chapter that showed abilities been used and then explaining how these abilities came about builds a better foundation, in my opinion. Plus, it makes this information less of a drop on the head and more of a sweet tidbit to swallow.

[Children who could disappear with the hurry of wind] *swoons* Uhh, your writing. *_* I'm so jealous. XD

Ooh, I really liked the scene where the suit comes in and starts threatening Priya. I practically jumped out of my skin when he slammed his hand on the table. It was so real. I hate him, though, he's a jerk. He's a villain. Your choice of verbs is what's really doing it for me. I've learned that the right verbs can really make or break you, and you are a smart writer.

I'm so glad I found this story! :D

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 2 . 10/13/2012
Whoa. Now that's some powerful writing right there. I love your prose, it's so fluid and easy to read. Each sentence flows into the other. Even the description doesn't stick out like in so many other stories. I love it!

One thing that *did* stand out to me, though.

[The shiny black pebbles roll across her hands, glinting like beetles. Grey snow hung on her bony shoulders.] The tenses in these two sentences don't match up. Most of the story appears to be in present tense, but it also skips to past tense sometimes too.

Which, I understand how hard it is to stay in present tense. I just suggest you pick the tense you are most comfortable with and stick with it. It's obviously not that noticeable in your writing, but in some instances I have to do a double take.

I love the dialogue between Priya and the blind woman. It's almost poetic, but there's an undertone of the supernatural. It feels surreal and yet, it reads so naturally. I really like this story.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 1 . 10/13/2012
Review courtesy of the Review Marathon. Link in my profile!

What an interesting start to this story. I like how the setting is established right away in the first sentence. It makes me wonder what kind of world Priya lives in that snow will burn the skin. It sounds scary!

[Snow is grey now, like ash and it burns the skin a little more than it should.] I do think there needs to be a comma after "ash", though.

I also really like Priya's voice. It doesn't sound very despondent. She actually sounds like a small child who has just learned to accept the world she is living in now. It makes me feel very sympathetic for her, that she didn't make it out of her predicament.

Short chapter, but still interesting. Good work!

Velvet.
E chapter 5 . 9/20/2012
its cool plz update soon
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