|Reviews for Calder: Sundryman: Spring 2026|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 5/13/2013
Ok, first things first – pacing! Some of this moved way too quickly, and it was hard sometimes to tell what was going on. You could really do with some scene breaks throughout, too, as it becomes kind of jumbled and difficult to follow. I felt like he found Cathal’s family a bit too quickly, too easily, and you could have made that a bit harder. He’s supposed to be a decent detective, right? From what I’ve read, sometimes it seems like things fall into his lap. So yeah, flesh that out a little. Slowing the pace down would also help with the characters; in places, they were introduced close together, quite a lot of them, and it was hard to keep them all separate.
Other than that, it is a really nice, sweet story, though I did think it could use a bit more so that the ending wasn’t so…I don’t know. Fast, really. It all seems to work out just a little bit too easily. Anyway, hope you come back to this and, as always, really hope this helps.
| professional griefer chapter 1 . 8/24/2012
I really like your dialogue, it gets emotion across really well and sounds quite natural.
I don't like how long this is, though. I feel like it could be cut down a bit and that it wouldn't hurt the content.
I also like the emotions in this, you drive them all home pretty well.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 8/23/2012
Dialogue: I find the dialogue at the beginning a little formal, considering this is set in the future. The language reminded me of 19th century literature. Like Pride and Prejudice or something similar. And then it veered off towards the end of the “prologue”. I really loved Calder’s dialogue though; it was nicely reminiscent of his role.
Spelling/grammar: ["Here are some more photos," Caitríona slid a shoebox from a dust attic bookshelf and returned to where her brother was seated beside the spare cot.] - I think that should be a fullstop after the dialogue as opposed to a comma. You've done that quite a bit actually but there's no need for me to copy them all.
[the love of me life.] - my life?
Ending: to be honest, I find I prefer the ending before the epilogue to the one after it. While the letter does a good job in wrapping the story up, summarising the things that follow as an epilogue is expected to do, having it in the same screen as the actual “body” somewhat diminishes its effect. Since you’ve also got a prologue, why not split them up into “three” chapters?
Writing: I love the detail you put into it. You really paint out beautiful images: setting, emotion and you’ vary well to allow for a progression of pace as well. I do think you’ve worded some places so they drag a little. Using “and” where it it’s not necessary for example. It’s a thing to look out for; while you probably don’t want to make your writing too crisp, sometimes it helps to break the actions down a little. The teacup scene is a good example. Picks it up and puts it down in the same clause.
| Highway Unicorn chapter 1 . 8/22/2012
Hi! Since you gave me two reviews in the review game, I'm going to review back to make it even. *reviews as she reads*
I like how you opened up with the characters reminiscing over the photographs of the mother. It sets the tone of sadness and despair over what appears to be a ill and dying parent.
" Among those dreams is to get me birth..." 'me' should be 'my,' unless that is how the character speaks, however, he doesn't appear to be the informal type, so it's probably a typo...okay, now that I read more, it's definitely not a typo. Does she have some form of accent? Is that why she says 'me' instead of 'my'? He seems educated enough, and, this is in my opinion, it doesn't seem right to have him say 'me' repeataly like he does.
A lot of characters are being introduced at once, and it gets rather confusing on whose who and such.
You have a beautiful and well crafted plot, and the ending was perfect. I think you can even expand this chapter/story into a full length novel instead of having the time skips. This was a rather long read, and I think you could have spilt it up into two chapters and still come out perfectly all right. :)
| Samsonet chapter 1 . 8/22/2012
Wow. I've got to say, you're talented! Now, the actual review:
I liked that scene with the investigator asking about the teddy bear. It's just like something out of a mystery novel. The best part was the line about the sun: "...he needed a light in his life."
I didn't really like Cathal's last name, though I'm not sure if it counts as an actual critique. How do you pronounce it?
The dialogue about the wedding was beautiful- "'No regrets about marrying a dying man?' 'You're alive now, so I still have hope.'" I don't know much about the past of these two in regards to the rest of the series, but this says so much about their characters and that was a great way to put it. Thank you!
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 8/22/2012
[Characters] You threw out of a lot of names in the space of this and never really expanded on them or their past. This made me as a reader confused, since I wasn't sure who was who or what their motivations were.
[Plot] I feel like this is a small scene in an ongoing series (which it is), but then it doesn't stand well on its own, since the reader then has to be familiar with everything else in the series. It would be better to combine these into a novel or "collection" here on FP.
[Technical] One thing I didn't like about this was how you would have your characters speaking another language, but then never really explain what they were saying. It was confusing for me as a reader.
[Enjoyment] Altogether, I didn't enjoy this piece as much as I could have. I feel like this is a small piece of a vast world, but it only scratched the surface. It felt incomplete and as a result I didn't understand a lot of it.
| Flame Within Ice chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
This was such a sweet and uplifting story. Very much worth the extra time it took to read, everything was so detailed and emotional it made me cry.
I love the Gaelic language in general, and I like the names and phrases you used. They added character to the story.
"An image of a woman with almond hair and misted eyes spark of realization sprung open her eyes." I do think you could have worded this sentence a bit differently. I wasn't quite sure what it was trying to say. Other than that little picky bit, this was a wonderful story.