|Reviews for The Enticing Politics of Professor Haws|
| whatthegreencarrot chapter 1 . 9/21/2012
["And we're done" said the man in the chair.] I think there should be a comma after "done."
[I'm grateful for this upcoming chapter in my life; I was almost unable to have. Sadly, my grandfather passed away a few months ago, leaving me a generous inheritance to cover my full 4 years of college. I recognize that not everyone gets this amazing blessing, and I was more than relieved that I wouldn't have to find a job right away; for my first year anyways.] I found a couple of mistakes in this paragraph...I'll break it down.
You wrote "I'm grateful for this upcoming chapter in my life"... but you're writing in a different tense for the rest of this chapter, so it ought to be "I was grateful for this upcoming chapter in my life" instead.
You also wrote "I recognize that not everyone gets this amazing blessing, and I was more than relieved that I wouldn't have to find a job right away." There were two different tenses in this sentence, which wouldn't work. Should be "I recognized that not everyone got this amazing blessing, but I was more than relieved that I wouldn't have to find a job right away." It should be "but," not "and" because the fact that she knew that everyone didn't get this blessing contrasts with the fact that she was glad not to need a job.
Heh, that's a nice ending, I like it. LOL, I'm not a critic 24/7, at least. My time on FP has turned me into a cynic *gasps* But, in all seriousness, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I'm just trying to give constructive criticism. This is a good story, so keep it up!
Hm... It would've been nice if this story were named "What Are The Odds," wouldn't it have been? XD since they say it a lot, and then it would be like "what are the odds that I'd come across this story?" Get it?
...yeah, bad joke.