|Reviews for Away With My Heart|
| MileyRowling chapter 15 . 12/26/2013
Interesting...How much work did it take for you to pick an illness, then come up with how to put it into the storyline?
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 15 . 12/26/2013
How much research did you have to do on all of the medical stuff? The title for this story makes sense now-besides the song. No typos or grammar issues. Great work!
| MileyRowling chapter 14 . 12/9/2013
Yay, an update! I must ask: What is Nick's heart problem or it is explained later on?
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 14 . 12/9/2013
Very dramatic chapter! At least we finally get to see what is wrong with Nicholas. I didn't see any typos or anything major. Great work!
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 13 . 8/17/2013
I really liked this chapter! I didn't see any typos or anything like that.
| MileyRowling chapter 13 . 8/17/2013
I am glad to see that you updated!
| JWT chapter 3 . 7/7/2013
My first thought about this chapter was that I love stories with more than one first-person perspective. It can be tricky to pull off, having to switch between two voices and make sure that they don't seem to same-y, but you are doing a good job of it.
I found a few little errors in there:
"I found their not that clarified they had left" - "note"
"it was more of a...initiation spot" - You need an "an"
"where the jump would be form" - I do this one all the time - "from"
"bets on rather they were" - "whether they were" I did spot you using "rather" instead of "whether" somewhere else as well.
"sophmore's" - A very common mistake. As this is a plural, you do not need the apostrophe.
"I lead the way" - "led"
"I turn, thinking..." "turned"
That last line - "In fact, it was very far away from normal" - completely changes the tone of the chapter. You have lulled us into a false sense of security that we are reading about a normal kid doing normal reckless things, and then you suddenly throw it out there that there is a lot more to it than that. That is a great way to hook the readers in.
One tiny thing that struck me as I read it was how suddenly Tyler appeared then left. Of course it is perfectly reasonable that he might chicken out or even decide he doesn't want to be their friend, but since he drove all the way down for the initiation it seemed a bit rushed. Perhaps it would seem a bit more natural if he stated as soon as he turned up that he wasn't doing it but had been giving Vince a lift, or if you let us see him climb up and then back out, or look up, realise how high it was and change his mind.
Overall I enjoyed this chapter and am looking forward to seeing where this story goes. Keep writing!
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/4/2013
I really like it so far...It seems like it's written without effort, but I know it's not.
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 12 . 7/4/2013
"Three o five," I replied. Joel shifted uncomfortably beside me.- three o five should be three-oh-five, I think or something like that. The "o" looks strange.
Technically, It's my sisters birthday party, but my dad let's me invite who I want to keep me away from Natalia. "It's" needs to be lowercase.
"Hi," She muttered.- "She" needs to be lowercase
Other than that, looks good. I wonder what's wrong with Nicholas. You do a really good job with making your readers think about it.
| MileyRowling chapter 12 . 7/4/2013
Nice chapter! I do like the changing of POVs.
| JWT chapter 2 . 7/3/2013
"I had never given death much thought until my best friend died." - Wow. A fabulously blunt, punchy opening sentance.
You write very natural-sounding speech which makes the conversations wonderfully easy to read. I also really like how Juliet admits her anger about the divorce but is still very mature about not taking it out on Callie. It can be so easy to fall back on stereotypes when writing about someone whose parents have divorced, but you have managed to create a rounded character with mixed feelings about it all.
Overall your writing flows nicely, but there were a few sections where it seemed you were starting every sentance with "I", so just be wary of that.
Your grammer is very good, but I did notice just a few typos:
(In the preface) "once and a while" - Should be once in a while
(In the first chapter) "I figured her just wanted to get rid of me." - "he"
"giving me a change to look around" - "chance"
"There was a few more people here" - "were"
"so I didn't have Callie at that point" - I assumed you meant "hate"
"This was only my second time at the beach. Once was when we went to Disneyworld. This was the second time." - You don't need to say it was the second time again.
I also noticed that shortly before they leave, Jareld's name changes to Jareth.
All in all I think you write very well and your characters are believable and have depth. Good luck with this project and happy writing to you.
| BLOOD RED GEISHA chapter 1 . 7/3/2013
This set a grave , tragic tone for your story.i lliked the style of your writing , interesting and to the you fix "alot of friend" to " alot of friends."it seems to me that maggie and ur mc had no rreal/weak friendship otheerwwise aleexv woulldnt bee needed to keep them together
| MileyRowling chapter 11 . 6/10/2013
Nice job! I can't wait to see what happens next. Juliet is probably my favorite character. :)
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 11 . 6/10/2013
Great work! I can't wait for the next chapter!
| MileyRowling chapter 10 . 5/31/2013
Great chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next!