|Reviews for Look Past The Surface|
| ShamUnpretentiousness chapter 14 . 3/30/2013
I'm proud to say that I just read all 14 chapters in one go and I'm glad I did. That was pretty intense at certain parts :o update moarrrr :)
| Lia Jenson chapter 9 . 9/18/2012
Lovely, this really does help give them more character depth, and beta-ing for you has helped me appreciate your work even more.
BTW, just one mistake:
"I thought that this was balanced things."
I thought this balanced things.
| Lia Jenson chapter 8 . 9/5/2012
I still love the ending line, lol.
I also love what you did with my advice!
I can honestly say this is one of the VERY few Romance stories I can look at without puking!
Keep up the good work!
| AThousandPromises chapter 1 . 8/29/2012
Wow, really good. Sorry I took so long to get back to you, by the way...I've been busy lately.
So, the beginning, with the sunshine and the book, I think it's really nice and cheerful, but then it's just kind of like, BAM! "My life had been coming undone for two months.", so maybe work up to this statement with rain or grey skies or something? It just builds the feeling, it feels like her life is coming undone, because she's seeing rain and clouds everywhere. It's a bit harder to take it seriously with her sitting in the sunshine, reading a book.
Also, the beginning of the second chapter is kind of vague. I mean, the 'new boy' next door is Cole, right? Then why does she already know him? Is it a flashback? I'm pretty sure it actually IS a flashback, it would just be better if it was a bit clearer about it. Despite the ambiguity of the beginning, I rather like the second chapter more than the first. It had good character interaction, the relationship between the main character and her mother is good, it doesn't feel fake. And the dialogue between the main character and Cole is easy and unforced, good job :)
| Lia Jenson chapter 5 . 8/26/2012
Well, that was some quick convincing it took.
I think it was easy cause she was bored.
The best Saturday illegal activity ever!
| Lia Jenson chapter 4 . 8/23/2012
Hey, so I'm goin to try to promote your story because I do think it deserves more reviews than just MY two cents, really.
Except for this mistake:
"The creek runs under the street," I found my elf telling him," ... Her elf? Self?
I've never heard of someone using their elf to communicate for them when they're right there. :P
| Lia Jenson chapter 3 . 8/23/2012
Well, I am now quite sure your character is the typical teen (snort.)
"No one knows me" and the like really are the typical justifications for isolation or pretentiousness among that age group...and I love it. A realistic voice!
| Lia Jenson chapter 2 . 8/22/2012
So here we get to know your character a bit more; and that's good because some just jump to action with no substance.
Also, I really am sorry for mis-posting my last review. Despite the Romance label, I find I like this story, which means a LOT considering my usual reads.
"the moving truck revved and chugged up the towering hill to get out of the neighborhood. I paid no attention." Then...Did she only notice when it was gone? It's like saying "He muttered 'I love your beautiful soul' but I didn't hear him." You know what I mean? It's weird.
I was also rather shocked at the F-bomb your twelve-year-old heroine dropped. Ah, whatever. There are six years olds who drop F-bombs like spare change. Good chapter.
| Lia Jenson chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
That was a lot done in a little time...now hurry and introduce the horror element, most of those those who will( and they WILL) follow this story will do so thinking they smell blood.
Either way, you have me hooked.
| Seer of the Worlds chapter 1 . 8/21/2012
It's good so far. I like it.