|Reviews for What Calls Me Home|
| Velvet Vixen chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
I loved this so this is going to be a short review because I don't know how to expand upon that. I thought the imagery and the flow of the piece was beautiful. It's clear you have real skill and talent. :)
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
FLOW: I think the poem is spaced very evenly, which is never an easy feat, so huge congrats on that. It felt neither too short or too long, and nowhere when reading it did I say to myself: “too much, get back on track,” or “common give me something” so many times writers divert from the topic at hand (I am guilty of that as well) but I didn’t see anything like that here. You said what you meant to say, and you said it well in the confines of the poem itself.
WORD PLAY: I honestly had some difficulty with “I am driving down a highway dark” initially I wanted to transpose “dark” with “drunk” – which you did later in the piece, but the wording seems off to me. Maybe “I am driving down a dark highway” I think what you were trying to go for was a disjointed (something to be after dark to complete the sentence) and if that’s the case that’s fine, but for the title I think it needs either a change up or another word. It trips the reader up as is, but I applaud the stylistic approach that you intended.
TONE: I like how even the narrator is going through a lot of stuff you never really make the reader feel pity for them. It would be easy to sap the piece up with woe is me’s but I think you were going for something different here, which I like. Yours is the road less traveled, and ultimately more rewarding for the reader.
OTHER: The only thing I can critique about the piece is one small section: “with brakes that last I checked- the hit-and-run at exit 19 no longer work” first I can’t tell if you are saying that the hit and run was caused by the accident or not (I’m thinking it was) but also the wording is a bit strange; maybe “with brakes that I checked after the hit and run…” just felt a little choppy when reading it, and it needs just a bit more polishing.
I also love the ending: “And calls me home” it works for this, and doesn’t feel clichéd at all (coming home is a topic done to death) but here it fits perfectly like a glove. Keep up the good work.