|Reviews for A Cracked Mirror|
| WritingLover1997 chapter 2 . 9/18/2012
I swear this story is getting more random...a cracked mirror is "God"? Where did that come from? I think you need more of a solid plot, because as a reader, I am very confused. And why are they in the train? And why is there a creepy mirror in there? Will these questions ever be explained? I really hope so, because as of now, this story is not my favorite.
Don't take this offensively, I'm just giving constructive criticism as a fellow writer. This story has potential but it's not being brought to it's full potential.
| WritingLover1997 chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
This chapter confused me. I understand that they are in a train, and there are two people. But, why are they there? Why is the mirror important? It kind of seems like the mirror was just added, almost as you were like "Hey, we need to make this more confusing." So you added a mirror. I hope the mirror and the whole plot is developed a bit better from the first chapter.
| Manie Sans Delire chapter 5 . 9/9/2012
This is a really, really powerful story. Neil's quest for understanding, and its end, is very emotionally charged. I can really see this happening, either as solely part of his imagination or a genuine post-death experience. Either way, it's good. The battle between Neil's subconscious and his conscious self is riveting, and I think we can all relate to what he's doing on some level.
I don't actually have much criticism. I think I noticed literally 2 spelling/grammar errors and 2 typing errors. And I found the all caps to be slightly strange. It might be better expressed by using descriptions of his voice instead. For example:
"Oh yeah, you might as well just cut the cryptic bullshit right now, BECAUSE I WILL NOT LISTEN TO ONE MORE WORD OF IT, YOU HEAR ME?"
The all caps in this might be replaced by:
"Oh yeah, you might as well just cut the cryptic bullshit right now." Already angry, Neil found himself screaming at God. "Because I will not listen to one more word of it! Do you hear me?"
(And it's kind of rare that a story doesn't have more wrong with it than maybe 4 spelling/grammar/typing mistakes and something stylistic that I don't agree with.)
Really good story. And I don't say that very often.
| Lia Jenson chapter 2 . 8/26/2012
Several fully tangible adult fears at once, along with a *nice* mental breakdown.
However, I find this could be phrased better:
"Her burning eyes stared into my soul and her nails dug into my forearm as she spoke "What are you running from?!"."
Just break it up a little, like:
Her burning eyes stared into my soul and her nails dug into my forearm. "What are you running from?!" She shrieked at me.
Without the misplaced period at the end, and though you don't have to say "shrieked" I think a stronger word than "spoke" is needed for what's happening.
| Lia Jenson chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
It's written quite nicely, if sparsely at this start.
...I smell somethin Eldritch-y in this part.