|Reviews for I am a Fish|
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
I love the flow of this poem. The rhythm flows beautifully and fits well with the water theme, and the rhyme sounds musical and natural. You did an excellent job of evoking various senses throughout this poem, with both strong visuals and a strong appeal to the sense of touch, describing various ways which water can behave, and at the end, your use of the sense of taste was very effective. I'd never seen taste used quite the same way to convey this feeling, and it's a wonderful twist on the cliche of "sweetness" and makes the sensory experience new and vivid.
Your use of verbs in this poem is overall very strong - you describe things in new ways, such as how the earth unfolds, which creates a beautiful image and makes the reader more aware of the world around them. There were occasional cliches, such as the "twists and turns" in the fourth stanza, which could be made stronger through creating your own phrase. This is a minor critique - such cliches are only noticeable because the rest of the poem is so strongly written and full of original phrasing.
The format of this poem was another strong point. The even lengths of the lines and flow of the syllables worked well to create a songlike tone, which seemed fitting with the flow of water and with the idea of change and variation expressed in this piece. The way the poem consistently used a water metaphor, despite the changes in emotion the speaker experienced, matched the musical form, as music, although there must be some consistency in rhythm and repetition, contains much change and development over the course of the piece.
Thank you for your review, and I look forward to reading more of your writing!
| NerotheNinja chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
I liked how you created really vivid images in my head because it really helps me understand what you feel. I also liked how you told the whole story of the fish because it really feels deep that way. Nero
| RinaJewelz chapter 1 . 9/22/2012
I love the rhyming in this because it makes it so easy to read and I think its fitting for the simplicity of the subject matter. I thought it was a beautiful. I also like the first person narrative voice in it because along with the other bits of personification (waddling on little feet) it made you feel more connected to the fish. Nicely done :)
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/15/2012
Good luck in the Review Marathon (link in my profile). Thanks for your reviews!
I like the piece. I think your descriptions are really great. The personification is especially great.
I also liked the rhyming. I think it worked really well and created a good flow, but didn't sound forced at all. Nice job!
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
I love your opening four stanzas. Very strong introduction, it’s almost within the same vein of “David Copperfield – i.e. I am born, I grew up” only here were talking about sea mammals. I liked your use of both “Calm” and “Constant” both very strong word choices and they set the stage for the rest of the piece really well.
I feel like the center sections dragged somewhat, they were nicely written but I feel like the point of the perspective was a bit lost. It is the life story of a fish, I think it could have been condensed a bit and be just as strong if not stronger. Having said that though you did an amazing job with the style, rhyming is notoriously hard to work with, and with structure and subject matter the whole piece worked out really well. Keep up the good work.
| romaniac chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
Good rythm in this poem and I find it a good way of explaining the life of a down side is get your facts straight!Fish don't breath air.