|Reviews for Cha'Nara's Gift|
| Firewind555 chapter 4 . 2/10/2014
So I've read this far, and I must say, I like where the story is going so far, especially the tone and feel. Action scene in Chap 1 was written nicely and felt real too.
If you would rewrite this story, other than tidying up the format, try to write shorter sentences or replace the full-stops with commas when you can, since the pacing thickens when sentences are long. For fast-paced scenes, shorter sentences do the trick.
Other than that, I think it's a great job so far. I'll read and review more when I can!
| woofstick chapter 126 . 6/25/2013
An exceptional story !well written and thought provoking!
| Sombrette chapter 1 . 1/31/2013
Returning your review,
I think this is a nice prologue :) The action in it keeps the reader interested, and the detail is just enough so I'm not lost with the events going on. I know battle scenes can be tricky to handle.
There were a few run-on sentences that should be cut down. I also didn't understand why the text is bold? I mean, it's part of the storytelling. I think it should be regular text, and if it's a flashback then italicize it but bold is a little too much since it's usually used for emphasis on something.
| Scribe of Eden chapter 1 . 1/11/2013
So this story starts in real life? Fascinating. I wonder who Cha'Nara is and what that gift is.
| Amiigan chapter 2 . 1/11/2013
Looks really promising so far. The action was described good, brutal and realistic, but not dwelling on the gore too much. Their personalities really shine through, can't wait to read more tomorrow and give a better review.
Your writing has really improved too, glad to see it.
| Ron chapter 126 . 12/25/2012
Great read, I finished it in a day and one half. Thanks for your hard work and Sci-Fi.
| David chapter 126 . 11/5/2012
I've read this and more to come. Thanks
| badbart chapter 126 . 10/1/2012
I thoroughly enjoyed this very different story. I'm now about to start on Book Two. I know I'll like it too.
| Phillip H chapter 126 . 9/25/2012
Each morning when I fire up my computer I check to see if there are additional chapters to this story.
| Phillip chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
What a great story.
Over the last two days I have read 103 chapters of this story.
Good writing. As an Aussie, I use English spelling, etc.
I am fluent in Aussie/English and English/English. I do understand most USA "English".:-)
| cypress16 chapter 48 . 8/31/2012
I laughed more than once at this chapter... you hit on more than one thing that I put my character from 1837 though in 2012. My 21st century marine took his 19th century traveler to Target to get her 'things' she needed.
Humor, angst, and embarrassment abound.
This chapter I did notice a few missing letters/misspelled words...
| cypress16 chapter 47 . 8/31/2012
I like your story. It is well written and fairly easy to follow. I haven't noticed any grammar or punctuation issues or the more common 'incorrect word/misspelled word. That's my daughter's thing, a journalism degree and newspaper editing experience certainly made a grammar 'nazi' out of her.
One comment, there are times when it's difficult to follow conversation, who's saying what ... example, the end of the first paragraph above. When I write conversation, I start a new paragraph when there is a change in speaker. Yes, that makes for a few three or four word paragraphs, but I think it helps the reader keep track of who said what. My opinion...
The only other comment was Deak's decision to go back in time to gather gold and antiques for money as the
'better' income generating method. Going a short time into the future to win a lottery made more sense. Much less likely to create the time travel paradox. I understand it makes for a much less exciting story. However, it leaves you in the position of explaining or ignoring the disruptions they caused in the 19th century and that impact on the current world. But, it's your story and that's what sci fi is all about...
Emily explaining the 21st century to Rachel is fun to read. I am writing two different 'time travel' stories myself, one forward, the other backward. It's fun to write the 'discovery' experiences of the travelers or the current residents of the time. Now, I have used parallel universes as my 'explanation' for the event and in both cases the reasons and the event are total surprises to all. It certainly interjects humor, distress, and angst into the situations.
I understand the desire for reviews... I have posted a couple of stories over in fan fiction (The Host) and it's amazing the hundreds of 'reads' you get compared to the half dozen, if your lucky, reviews. Even then, many of the reviews are the teenybopper 'yeah, yeah, I love it, please post another chapter soon' stuff. When I do write a review, I do try to give the impression that I did actual 'get' something from the story...
So, continue the adventure, and I will follow...