|Reviews for Smile|
| Englishman22 chapter 1 . 1/22/2013
Brillinant, gripping, emotional. Has a true message behind it. Few poems live up to this standard.
| Woodshrew chapter 1 . 9/7/2012
This is beautiful and so true in so many lives, What you have said has really touched me and is very well done.
| dokidokipanic chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
i have lost the ability to smile
| Permanent Tourist chapter 1 . 8/26/2012
I feel your pain.
| One Last Note chapter 1 . 8/26/2012
Its very interesting because it is a feeling we have all felt. Can I recommend that you use single line breaks (ctrl and enter) for each line, and leave the full gaps for the ends of the stanzas (verses)
| My Parakeet Has Issues chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
Not bad, I like the emotion behind it. I think, in a way, everyone can relate to a time when they had to pretend to be happy when really all they wanted to do was cry.
In the lines "Because don't you get it/I'm tired of smiling," I feel that the 'because' is unnecessary. It doesn't really go with the preceding line, "...why not smile for all the rest?" Like, if a person is tired of smiling, why would they want to smile more? At least, that's how I'm reading it. I think it would make more sense and be more powerful if it were just "Don't you get it? I'm tired of smiling."
Uhm, just a typo I noticed that kinda disrupts the reading, you wrote "Hop" instead of "hope." Or maybe it was supposed to be "how"? Either way, it's pretty distracting.
In the lines, "That my teeth are clenched, and my teeth have a terrible ache" repeating "my teeth" in the second line sounds a bit too repetitive in my opinion and also throws off the flow of the poem.
I like the lines, "Of course they don't notice, because they have smiles of their own." I think that this can translate to two things, depending on the reader: that people have their own problems in life so they don't notice the speaker, or that they are too busy with their own happiness. Whatever you were going for, I think it's a nice, powerful pair of lines.
I also like "lying that the flash/caused the tears in my eyes." It just reads well.
Uhm, the period after "...through the pain" should be a comma, because the following lines are continued from that sentence. If that makes sense?
Overall, this was a very nice expression of emotion.
My Parakeet Has Issues