|Reviews for Rosamund, Rosemont, Reckless, Rosebud|
| LuckycoolHawk9 chapter 1 . 9/3/2012
(Review game- Easy fix)
I liked this poem because it flowed like a story but I disliked the poem because at times it was hard to keep track of and I lost my place in it.
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
[RG - Poems - Depth]
Before I start, I have to ask you if you have any poems published in tangible form (self-published or not), and if so, where I might find/buy them.
I still remember my first review playing the RG. I read and reviewed one of your pieces in immense depth (I believe it had something to do with the words "via", "neoenlightenment", and "iPod"), and I'm tempted to do so again here. This piece is massive, but I'll try my best to give it a proper review.
The first thing I want to focus on is elucidating the title. Rosamund, I assume, refers to the painting "The Fair Rosamund", which makes sense, as it depicts a woman, and this poem very much focuses on all things feminine. Based on that, you make some interesting comments on the painting in ii. I can't say that I'm well-educated in art history, but surrealist style is, from what I've heard, making nonreality into a reality, at least on the canvas (although as I said, I have never had a formal education in this area - I tend to stick to music). I would also guess that the impressionism (especially since it isn't capitalized) refers to this Rosamund, a legendary beauty, taking her impressions of beauty from others, which would explain why she wants freckles: she thinks that they will make her (more) beautiful.
Now, why is this relevant in the context of the poem? The answer appears in the first stanza: being beautiful is nice because it helps a woman land a guy like Darcy, who by all appearances is a dangerous, austere shitbag, but don't worry: you're a girl, so he'll fall in love with you at the end of the story, because any guy who falls in love with you MUST be a knight in shining armor.
Ah. This poem is delightful. It hits so close to home. I'm impressed: you get it, and most girls don't.
So, anyway, the speaker is saying that the audience (whom we will call "most girls" for convenience) is obsessed with the idea of being swept off of their feet by an exciting man, to the point of falling asleep with that dream in mind, because they have been bred to believe that they are essentially princesses, awaiting their Knight in Shining Armor.
Okay, so, that takes care of i and ii. Now for iii... This one is harder. I'm having trouble figuring out if sex is occurring in this stanza or not. Part of me thinks it is, but it's a weird and indirect way to describe sex ("echoing downward" could mean a lot of different things0, and the reason I think that sex did in fact happen is because of the reference to a tornado, which is an accurate, if a bit stale, image for an orgasm, and also because of iv.
My one complaint on iv is that I think you are trying to describe a girl in perhaps her mid teens, but your use of the word "younger", coupled with its proximity to the images of childhood in the previous stanza, leads your reader to think of someone much younger, which I think limits the efficacy of this stanza in conveying the speaker's ideas on puberty and teenagerdom. This girl feels like some promise to her has been broken, because she doesn't feel like a beautiful princess at all. Then, we get to what is my favorite stanza in the entire poem:
She always wanted to be married first.
In love first.
Phenomenal use of line breaks right there. I've seen it happen a thousand times before. A girl growing up wants to wait to have sex until she's married. Then middle school and high school happens, and then all of a sudden she's "older and wiser", so now she just wants to wait until she's in love, but the way you wrote it makes it sound exactly like what it is: settling for what's easy.
And then she doesn't. I've seen it happen to the best of them, and it's still moderately heartbreaking every time. I can't think of a single person out of high school who won't be touched by that stanza. Excellent work there. That was one of those moments that made me sit up and say, "Wow." I live for those.
Small note here: I don't know why you said "haiku's" instead of "haikus": did you mean to do that, or was it a typo?
Okay, v. Short and sweet. This harkens back to the first stanza with the reference to dreams. The reader now wonders, which are the "bad dreams"? Are they the ones about wanting a man to come whisk you away?
vi. Sex. Okay, so now sex has definitely happened. Perhaps the girl about whom the speaker is talking has had sex so many times now that she's a self-appointed expert on the subject. That's certainly how it feels to me, and that's a little emotionally disappointing based on the earlier stanzas. This girl to whom the speaker continues to refer would seem a little bland if it weren't for the fact that many, many readers are able to project several people whom they know onto this girl. That it's such a common occurrence is a shame.
The next stanza is a little bit more difficult to interpret. I see the intermingling of sex and beauty again, but I don't see any development of the Girl character. The image of coldness from i and iv appears again, which encourages the reader to connect them. This is appropriate, because these three stanza are focused on perception of beauty with respect to at first love, and as the poem progresses, sex.
viii is a weird stanza for me, because once again this image seems to rely a little too much on the reader to find out what the speaker means. Her jaw hurts, and there is a purple color that's mentioned, which makes me first think of abuse, but that doesn't seem to fit in the context of this poem (unless the "dangerous men" mentioned early on in the poem are in fact abusive men). My second theory is that she is wearing purple makeup, which is an odd, attention-grabbing color, and she has been forcing a smile all day, which is why her jaw hurts. As I said, I think you rely a little bit too much on the reader in this stanza. Perhaps you should give your readers just a little bit more detail so that they see the image you want them to see, rather than one they construct themselves.
ix: I see more references to iv (and perhaps i) here - the falling-short in terms of love and beauty, which is tearing Girl apart. I think I finally see where the Rosemont bit becomes relevant: the great grandma is from the country in Nebraska, and the reference to the fountain in the park indicates that Girl is living in what I assume is Rosemont, the neighborhood downtown Chicago. Prodigal daughters go off and live the wild life in the city (since it is the great-grandmother who is referenced, the reader is encouraged to assume that this process has been continuing in this family for some time, and will continue to happen), living a life that is Reckless with regards to love and sex, a la the last part of the title, Rosebud. However, the word "rosebud" also has relevance to what I believe is a fantastic last stanza.
x: Oh wow. I thought it was just good, but I think it means more than I previously thought. I may be wrong, but the last line of that poem says, in my eyes, that Girl got knocked up. She and that man are not together (I think it was a good choice to preserve ambiguity there); she understands what it is to be reckless, to live a wild life, but the knot, the thing that brings the end (very nice contrast with the image of tying a knot at a wedding, by the way) of her wild ways, and she, like her great grandmother to her grandmother to her mother to her, will love the child, but the cycle will keep on repeating. As usual, I'm continually impressed with your reading.
Content-wise, that entire poem was excellent. Excellent technique, and brilliant execution. The rhythm of the poem, though somewhat lackluster in comparison to the content, was just fine for what you were trying to convey. Your use of alliteration as a rhythmic device worked quite well, and though I'm suspicious that there was more to your use of alliteration than just rhythm, I have to admit that I'm a little worn out after typing all of this.
Well, there you have it: an extra-special RG review as a thank you for the one you left for me on Möbius. Nice to have a real poet active on here again.
| romaniac chapter 1 . 8/26/2012
Very morbid witch I must admit is my kind of thing.I find it also has a good rhym scheme and I'd say you'd do good writing for line "And I am all pearls and harmonicas"Breacks the scheme a bit but other wise well done