Reviews for Dark sun
M. T. Mannings chapter 1 . 8/26/2012
You wrote a decent draft. Afraid and scared are synonyms so I would reccomend removing one. NEVER use the word very, replace it with less common words, like utterly. Most of what remains are grammar errors or mistakes in punctuation. You may want to consider being more descriptive with your characters. For example, was the girls hair curly or straight? What color were her eyes? Was she attractive? Tell us exactly what you saw when you were writing it. Thanks for writing;)