Reviews for Lone
Oria Giora FFN chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
I think a semicolon would be more appropriate than a comma.
- [Skye is not the kindest person, she does not pretend she is.]
- [She can't put her finger on it, she doesn't try to.]
- [It was all holy, the way angels were as a little kid in a bright church on Sunday.]

I'm just going to picky about formatting here:
1) [Skye...what're] - {Skye... What're}
2) [Skye looks at her best friend, Noelle .] - {Skye looks at her best friend, Noelle.}
3) [Well...for that you need a few things.]
4) [...the what?]
There are a lot more. You might want to check for this.

Since this is a further information on Noelle, [Someone who understands her most, even when she thinks she doesn't.], maybe you want to dash it or something. There's nothing wrong with what's there, but it might make things clearer.
{Skye looks at her best friend, Noelle – someone who understands her most, even when she thinks she doesn't.}

Sentence structure - [Noelle can never take a life, whenever she thinks of it, she feels guilt.]
Maybe, {Noelle can never take a life; she feels guilty whenever she thinks of it.}

Self-esteem, with a hyphen.

Then I don't really understand this. [This is another end of a lie, and she will be alone.] Her apology is a lie? Or her life is a lie? And why is it so specifically "end" of a lie? What does this mean? I'm kind of guessing the latter where her social life with Noelle is really a life that isn't real but her way of masking her identity. So, she will be alone by the end of the day. But if it is so, it would be weird for Noelle to understand Skye the most.

[Skye has long since stopped listening to that part of herself, she convinces herself that she's strong.] - Her, not herself.

[Reported target] - It gives the meaning that someone is working with her in this business, which is why she gets a report on the target. Now, who is she in contact with and why was the target reported? The anonymous person is an organization that pays humans to do what? Why are humans like her willing to do it and what is the target doing that there are others who want them dead?

So why is an angel not possessing a human easier to kill? The only killing method introduced now is shooting. If the bullet doesn't hurt humans, then what does it matter if a human was possessed or not?

What exactly does Skye have that angels are afraid of? - [Anyone with sense would have tried to escape, this angel doesn't.]

I have to say, the idea of using the word "Halcyon" as a name is creative.

Grammar:
-[Well, there are more than one.]
-[Those kind of memories, the ones she claims to have thrown away.]

I actually found this disrupting the flow of the story. It's in quite an odd place. ['If I were a stop light, I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer?']

This is the part where I am thrown into confusion.
[Skye drops her gun, it lands with a loud clatter, "I don't feel like killing you. So don't try and kill me, p-please. Be different and unique. Say yes. S-say you'll keep your promises, even if it's a lie. Say something stupid like 'If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.', and think it's a greeting. Please...won't you do that for angel?"]
Yep, I'm utterly confused. The quality of the angel is making her vulnerable? Actually, I would think it is the angel's power. The power would be interesting. To make someone open themselves and be vulnerable to the angel. Skye have this image of a strong, cool but tired of life girl, so her sudden breakdown is baffling.

Basically, what the story lacks is some descriptions. After the story, I've got no idea how any of the characters look like and what's so fascinating about Skye and Art that makes them like each other at first sight? The lack of description of the environment also does not help in the transition between scenes. The first scene is school, that can be inferred since there are hints like, "class" and "bell rings". However, when the scene shifts to the second part, I'm absolutely clueless about where on Earth Skye is. I don't know if it's dark or light, if they're on a rooftop somewhere or in an enclosed room. I think there is a lack of explanation for a one-shot (if it is a one-shot). Certain things aren't necessary to mention in a short story sometimes, I agree. However, I don't know who the organization paying Skye is. I don't know what is so different about Skye and normal humans. I don't know what is Art supposed to do. Isn't he supposed to be a peace envoy? What is he doing there, forsaking his job? I need these information to link up the story and characters, so there is a consistent flow in the story. And I can't seem to grasp a good concept of the personalities of the characters.

Generally, the idea's very intriguing. God has left. Almost all the angels have sided with the Archangel and the few who doesn't are peace envoys. For some reason, humans are fighting with the corrupted angels. However, the idea of finding an item is slightly cliché. Cliché isn't bad, but it will be hard to pull it off since it is so overused. There's a link to the statement and the three words are integrated well. Besides a few pickup lines, the required statements fit the story quite nicely. Despite the fact that there is a sense of tension and pressure from the beginning to end, it isn't too heavy due to the interjections of the angel's light-hearted comments. I think this is good as it lifts the tension and by the end of the story, these pressure vibes from the main character are gone. In a sense, there is some sort of resolution. Good work, but I see this as a potential multi-chapter story. Are you going to continue?