|Reviews for Equivalent to Hell's School|
| dessie1021 chapter 1 . 9/5/2012
[On it was direction to my new school- A school whose name I still don't know.]
This part is one sentence. 'A' should be lower case and get rid of the space between the pause symbol and letter A.
[As I got to the roof, I sat down on the edge, next to the gutter]
I've noticed that you kind of overuse commas. Maybe in this sentence, you could add "that" instead of the comma. Although, I do tend to do this, too. But remember that sometimes too many commas can look too forced and unnatural. I just read this blog that talked about that. Here's there link and maybe it will help you too in other areas. category/grammar/punctuation-marks
[I didn't know why, but these things had bothered me since I was little, and since and had my father to rely on to get rid of them, it didn't cross my mind that I would ever have to deal with them.]
Too many commas again. You should write it this way: "I didn't know why, but these things had bothered me since I was little and I had to rely on my father to get rid of them. It didn't cross my mind that I would ever have to deal with them."
[Her pure, blue eyes, looked curiously at me, her lips making their move to make a response to my rude intrusion.]
Another unnecessary comma after blue eyes.
That was an interesting short story. Really creepy! I loved it! Though, I'm the type of person that likes stories that has a reason why things happen. Anyways, whatever because that is my opinion. I liked how descriptive your imagery was. It was really...creepy. Good job! Hope you remember to edit :D