|Reviews for Break|
| ThatChickMelanie chapter 18 . 11/3/2012
i-its complete? b-b-butD: aww.. well anyhow it was still awesome and i enjoyed reading it alot(:
| PoeticShadow chapter 18 . 10/12/2012
That has to be the oddest way to chapter a story that I have ever seen. It kind of took away from the fluidity of the story. Instead of making 18 chapters maybe you could try making it into a one or two shot. If you are going for number of chapters I can understand. However all that really matters is the length of a story and at almost 12,000 words you are doing very well. Just some constructive advice. Other than that it was a amazing story and a engaging read ).
| Sayure chapter 18 . 8/28/2012
You need to read the policy of publishing a story or they will delete your story if anyone complain about this chapter.
| Sayure chapter 17 . 8/28/2012
I love this chapter if only it was longer.
| Sayure chapter 6 . 8/28/2012
If only the chapters were longer.
| Sayure chapter 5 . 8/28/2012
Is Haeron going to change to an elf or is he going to be knocked up -is this the right term for getting pregnant from another male?- I'm really too excited to read the next chapter.
| Sayure chapter 2 . 8/28/2012
I knew it. I knew that the king send the boy -I still don't remember the name rightly- without telling him the full truth. Well I thought he wanted him to be killed by the elves.
Anyway good work, you got me interested to read more.
| tanikins chapter 18 . 8/28/2012
It's good to read this again. Okay. Understanding that this is a short story, the ending, I feel, is overly simple. Belir's heart soared, and...? Working backward from there, I think the couple's pleasure during their sex is under-exaggerated. Belir is so caught up in the injustice, that he can't even come? Because I don't remember his coming being described. And Haeron erupts with magic, but does it actually feel good? Their climaxes aren't actually described. It makes the sex scene feel unfinished to me. I still don't understand why Belir purposefully made himself cold, at all. And I don't understand why killing magicians was a part of a trade agreement. Why would that possibly be included in a trade agreement? Is the human king threatened by the magicians? Does he hate magic? If he hates magic, why does he make an agreement with the elves?
I love that the palace burns, that's a brilliant way to incorporate some justice other than true love to the story. I love Haeron's persistent character, that doesn't really break at all (best magician forever!). I really appreciate the complexity of Belir's emotions and motivations. This is what I have to say. Also, I love you.
And there are a few typos. Annoying things. I wish people never had to make mistakes typing, because it's so petty in the large scheme of things yet still manages to be disruptive.
| tanikins chapter 6 . 8/28/2012
I don't understand why Belir purposefully changes his tone to cold if he's constantly proclaiming nothing but compassion for Haeron. I feel like that's out of character. How can he make Haeron's first time a good memory if he's purposefully scaring the boy with his tone?