|Reviews for We called 911|
| my.life.is.over chapter 1 . 9/6/2012
Oh my god. This was amazing. Good job.
| The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
Flow/rhythm: while it's appropriate in some places, I find it unnecessarily long-winded in others. The theme itself promotes a sort of face-paced, disjointed flow and some of your sentences are fluid and calm for that.
Word choices: same thing of sorts. Soft sounds aren't particularly appropriate for the actions you describe but you use quite a lot of them. "sobbing" is far softer than "crying" or "wailing" for instance - wailing has a stronger imagery but crying has a stronger sound. Sobbing pales in the face of both of them. Little things like that would really bring out the emotions in your piece. Like when you used [barking like a beast].
Description/images: I find the use of "pearls" to be an interesting image. It's a jewel, but I think it can be considered to be less brittle but no less beautiful. So having that after an ambulance is...interesting. Especially when compared to the teeth afterwards. The repeated use of "red" is less unusual as it's to be expected, but you've written it well. "butterflying" was particularly interesting in that sense.
Punctuation/grammar: I think this could really benefit from the use of dashes - adds a little more drama and emotion to the piece. I see the emotion from your images, but using simply commas (some of which towards the middle/end seem a little overused) and fullstops diminishes that. [covering ourselves up, follow the
hazy lights, swallow] - I don't think using commas in both places is appropriate for that either - the clauses seem different degrees of distinct.
| electrical moon chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
Wow. That is one impactful poem. Is it a continuation of the situation from "Barroom Fight"? Very emotional and well written.
| Do Play With Fire chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
This is an interesting and dark topic to write about, and it makes me wonder if there is a true event behind it. Anyway, I liked the style.