Reviews for Don't let me fall for you
Guest chapter 3 . 10/26/2012
I have noticed that in the past few chapters that you are quite fond of saying 'said'. You should try to use other words such as, muttered, uttered, and et ceterra. Most of your sentences look like paragraphs, meaning they are toooooooo long.
Fix that and your story will be good.
Anonymous chapter 1 . 10/26/2012
This story is up to a good start!
It really seems interesting.
However, there were a lot of run on sentences. Also, you should show more and tell less.
You choose your words quite well.
Just improve on those things, and I think your story will be a success.
Anxious Axolotl chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
I quite enjoyed this, your language has a lovely poetic feel too it. I'm not sure if it's related to that, but you have a lot of run-a-long sentences that just go on and on and would actually feel more natural as two or even three shorter sentences. For example, [I was raised in a boarding school for girls, run by a Convent of highly strict Nouns, to point the obvious it was a place where almost everything was punished, I had spent countless hours praying for forgiveness at the chapel, sleep and meal deprived, but more I spent doing chores, sometimes my body would get sore from punishment, others I would vanish on the floor just to be waked by a bucket of icy water, the body had to paid in full what the mind had forced on it, that's what sister Mary Justice used to tell us] is an extremely long for one sentence. Infact, the third paragraph seems to one veeeeery long sentence! I find reading my work aloud makes it easier to pick up what sentences are too long, don't sound right, etc.

You also had a few minor errors I'll point out so you can fix them easily if you re-edit this!
[I could've swore] Conflicting tenses, should either read 'I swore' or 'I could've sworn'
[I was raised in a boarding school for girls, run by a Convent of highly strict Nouns] Pretty sure you meant nuns and this was just a typo.

I was a little unsure why you chose to swap the 3rd person for the last paragraph, it was going so well in first person! To me it felt a bit unnatural and unbalanced, probably because it was so short in comparison to the rest of the story. I'm a big fan of choosing a view-point and sticking to it, but I guess anything can work when it's done well!

Good luck with the later chapters and don't forget to start a new line for every turn of dialogue, makes your work look very polished :)
Dzain chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it!
Natalie chapter 1 . 8/31/2012
This sounds the beginning of a very interesting story
please update soon XD