|Reviews for The Team|
| Miles Montgomery chapter 3 . 9/16/2012
You ran out of ideas so you killed him off? C'mon, that's pathetic. I let Melamin set for 2 weeks until I figured out what to do. I'm sorry. I have to agree with Tiamatty. From now on, don't start something unless you have a good idea of what you want to happen and when it happens. Sorry if I sound mean but just doing the entire story off the top of your head is just a formula for disaster.
| Tiamatty chapter 2 . 9/5/2012
Still bad. Improper punctuation, no characterization . . . Honestly, I hate to be mean, but I just can't find anything good to say about this. I can't even think of some constructive criticism on how to make it better, because everything is wrong with it.
Before becoming a writer, I think you need to do a lot more reading. Look at what popular writers have done, how they wrote, and try to figure out how to adapt that for your own writing.
| DoYouKnowThatShe'sNotBreathing chapter 2 . 9/5/2012
This story is a disaster. The title is terrible. The origins, dialogue, and plot line (or lack thereof) is laughable. The syringes are ridiculous. I would recommend coming back when you actually have something readable to write.
It's too bad if you're offended by the way I'm writing towards you, but I have no qualms about telling people the truth, even if they can't stand to hear it.
| Miles Montgomery chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
One, there are no quotation marks. Two, there is no actual sentence structure when they talk (i.e., Capital letters, proper punctuations). Three, You have multiple grammar errors. Four, you should have started this knowing what your character's powers would be. The story has potential, but you need to put a lot more work into it.
| Tiamatty chapter 1 . 9/1/2012
Um, not to be mean, but this is pretty bad. It's lacking punctuation, you never include the quotation marks, and it's a bland style aside from that. Sam's origin almost reads like a parody (he's got the origins of both Batman AND Superman?). None of the characters have voices.
I've seen worse stories online. But this definitely needs a lot more work.