|Reviews for An Unexpected Life|
| SunsetSprite chapter 1 . 1/4/2013
Interesting. Could use some editing, but interesting! Continue!
Also, my name is Sarah! Thanks for spreading my race! XD
| Vanderwoman chapter 2 . 9/9/2012
I'm not quite happy with my first chapter, and so I'm gonna try my best to improve. I'm really sorry I took so much time to post this chapter guys, hope you like it :-) chapter 3 coming soon :D
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
Is this the way you want the story to look?
Standard presentation involves putting each character's speech in a separate paragraph:
This room was bloody bright. It was about what, 7 am now? Why did James open all the freaking curtains? I groaned as James came into my room.
"Master Mastriani, it is time for you to rise. You have to go to work in two hours, and you need to go to the charity ball tonight along with your brother and your sister-in-law."
"Okay okay fine, I'm awake now, I'll just head to the shower. You may leave James."
With a respectful nod, he turned and walked out of my room.
Work at the was not that tough for me ... **There seems to be an omission here.
I let out a sigh and striped and showered.
Also, '... Can't help it kiddo' **This should be: ' ...Can't help it(COMMA), kiddo... ." since 'kiddo' is used as direct address.
This is way wrong: 'Me and Rob had to wait ...' **unless Jared is two and just learning to talk, why would he say "Me had to wait"? It's: 'Rob and I had to wait.'
Jake is usually a nickname for/form of James, not Jared.
| Vanderwoman chapter 1 . 9/2/2012
Okay so guys, its my first published story, I accept criticism, but please be a little nice :-) I love reading and writing so I made an account here, so many good stuff to read! But its just recently I thought of writing a story and publishing it. I will try to write and upload the remaining chapters at short intervals, but just so that you know, I'm really busy at times, so it could take a week or so until I post the next chapter. I would really appreciate it if you guys review this and comment on it, it would help me a lot, and I'll comment on your's too, as I know how important reviews are for an author. Anyway, until next time, xx :-)