|Reviews for To Sleep Perchance to Dream|
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 35 . 6/25/2013
I feel like Bryn comes across a lot of information by eaves dropping (and being at the right place at the right time) a little too often for it to be convincing. Why would Frederick and Aurorette be talking underneath her window? Maybe give some reasoning as to why they're out there to make it more convincing, like Frederick is about to go hunting or something, and Bryn remembers how he always leaves to go hunting around this time of the day. That way it'll make it more organic instead of just being there for plot's sake, like it feels like it is now.
I like how it's Frederick who asks Bryn to come back to the castle, begging her, and not Bryn who goes back on her own accord. I think it makes her seem a lot less pathetic in that regard, plus it's really ironic that Frederick brings her back, considering Bryn ends up being the demise of his entire castle staff. It gives me the impression that Frederick has no one to blame about what happens but himself.
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 24 . 5/31/2013
Aw, she’s seeing Oren as she’s dying. Or is she delirious? I’m assuming Bryn isn’t going to save her. All those years loving this girl and she can turn her back on her like that. The woman is a psycho. And she was already dying from blood loss, but Bryn had to make sure and used the same method she used to kill her parents?! I can’t believe it.
I find it kind of ironic that she cries. Does she even have a heart to cry with? I think she cries more at the idea of what Aurelia could’ve been, the dedicated daughter who shunned any form of love but her mothers. I can’t wait to this prince comes along and slices her belly open. Bryn is a very well rounded character. The sympathy in the beginning and the hatred at the end really makes her real for me. And I really want her dead now! Great chapter and thanks for writing and sharing.
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 23 . 5/31/2013
Tying her to the bed is for the best? I’ve never been through childbirth in the olden days, but that doesn’t seem very safe. I hope Bryn’s not going to kill Aurelia and try to start over without a male child so she can have this baby all to herself.
“She could feel the taunt surface, and see the think veins pulsating just underneath the skin.” *thick*
Her hatred for Oren makes a little more sense now since Aurorrette survived after giving birth to him when she was originally would have died. I guess almost losing the Queen work the King up. Too bad for Bryn. I can’t believe Bryn is being so cold towards Aurelia…no wait I can, I just didn’t expect Bryn to punish her while she was giving birth. It’s very cruel, but fits Bryn’s characterization very well.
Oh no, I figured she was going to turn her obsession to the new baby. Aurora is very similar to the name of the woman she hates, I do find it a little odd that she chose that name, but it fits with the whole Sleeping Beauty tale…her name being Aurora. I do hope you decide to nick name her Briar Rose somehow. Great chapter!
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 22 . 5/31/2013
“A ripple burst up from her stomach near her navel and it made her giggle.” When I read the word burst I’m thinking painful, but maybe that’s just me. …Oh no, don’t tell me Aurelia is going to see Bryn having already killed Oren?
“The thought that Oren may have not understood her last night and actually gone made her heart race and jump in her chest.” Maybe I missed it, but what was there to understand? She chose her mother over Oren. She chose a bed of bones over Oren, even after her foreboding feelings and dreams. So I’m wondering if I missed something from the exchange between the two when she’d said she would stay. I think I might be understanding Bryn’s reasoning in killing him though, in saying that Aurelia would understand that she wasn’t hurting her, but saving her. In Bryn’s warped mind does she thinks she’s saving Aurelia from love?
My heart broke every time she called out his name and he didn’t answer. And this: "He did," Brynhild countered, affronted by her daughters behavior. "He offered me coin for the trouble of the babe but I told him such things were of no use to us."” This scene made me believe she’s still subconsciously trying to exact her revenge at the king through another innocent girl.
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 21 . 5/31/2013
“Her daughter's fleshy abdomen had grown hard, and just from touch Brynhild knew it wouldn't be long before the baby came.” I’m not sure if you were missing a word before touch or if you chose to write it like this, but I figured I’d just point it out.
Why can’t she just take that dagger and shove it up her nose? “Destined for something great and ill-fated.” I really like this, even though it’s not a full sentence, it still captured my attention. At least Broom (okay, I’m gonna stop calling her that now) Bryn recognizes the ill-fated part of that thought, but why must she continue to make it so ill-fated?
“Bryhild could hear the jingle of Aurelia's giggle,” you misspelled Brynhild.
"I should have let you die." What a horribly mean thing to say. I can’t imagine how Oren feels, especially after Aurelia choose to stay with this woman over him. I wonder what Bryn is feeling at Oren’s devotion to Aurelia, even as he was dying he begged her not to her Aury, yet the king hadn’t even chosen Bryn for marriage. Bryn has shifted her obsession with the king onto Aurelia in the past fourteen years and I don’t see her getting away from Bryn alive. Great chapter!
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 20 . 5/30/2013
For the sake of bones that belonged to a man she never knew she's condemned Oren to a possible death? She's had the bad dream where someone was warning, she's had the foreboding feeling that something bad is going to happen, but she still stays? Why? Why?
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 34 . 5/30/2013
[After Kat had shown her the castle grounds Aurora returned to her mother's chamber. ]
I noticed in some areas there is some passive voice you can eliminate to help clean up the prose and make it tighter, Giving more action to the words makes everything generally more lively, too. So in this sentence if you said "shown" instead of the "had shown" you'll eliminate some passive voice. Besides, the "had" usually isn't needed unless it's something in the far past.
["When she was a child Ranulf I used to tease her mercilessly about her constant squawking."]
Edit: "When she was a child, Ranulf and I used to tease her mercilessly about her constant squawking."
[He leaned into her touch but she pulled away, whispering. "I'm going to check on her."]
Edit: The period after "whispering" should be a comma since it's a speaker tag leading into the dialogue, not an action tag.
[The messenger warmed that they would soon be here.]
Edit: - warned
Ending: The ending to this scene is really chilling. I had a feeling her father had slipped something in her drink. I can't believe he did that to her. I really enjoy the attention you pay to the blood - although this scene is terrible and horrific, you still get away with using poetic language to make it even more macabre. The image of the blood seeping through the crevices is really vivid, as is the mention of how this birth could only lead to death. Such a nice contrast. I really enjoy that line, and I think it fit the tone of this scene really well.
Characters: The attention you pay to Brynhild in this chapter is really nicely done. I can see this type of descent into madness, starting from how Brynhild acts on the day of Frederick's marriage. The way she refuses to help with the preparations shows her spite. And I think the way she grinds her heel into one of the flowers they tossed at Aurorette is really symbolic to how Brynhild killed them all with herbs. However, I would caution you on the subtext behind the message this story, because there is a lot of weight put on women being emotionally unstable when it comes to romance and being denied by the man they love, especially from Bryn's POV. I honestly think her father forcing a miscarriage on her would be more of a reason for her to go mad than Frederick pushing her away, so maybe play that up more in the beginning of the story to keep this from seeming like a "girl gets dumped so in her rage she tries to kill everyone" plot. I find the miscarriage to be a lot more tragic and mentally damaging than Frederick refusing to be with her.
I also like the glimpse into Aurorette's character we get, too. Like how she wanted to go hunting with the men - little things like that give her a big personality.
Writing: I sort of touched on this in the ending section, but I think the writing in this scene becomes really powerful with some poetic language. I noticed the past few chapters were a bit lacking in that department, and I wonder if it's because it's more linked to Bryn's voice or something. But yeah, I really enjoy the writing and the way you describe what Aurorette looks like, like her smile holding secrets. And I think further down that mention of how Bryn always felt like an invisible string attached her to Frederick is such a lovely image. It's very telling in her emotion and how much she loved Frederick.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 33 . 5/30/2013
Beginning: I'm glad we get a moment here of reflection concerning Aurora's reaction to learning more about her true family. I find her reactions to be very realistic - she's obviously hurt by it and confused, but the very prospect of Brynhild not being her mother also seems to make her numb. So I think you expressed her feelings really well without it coming across as over the top or melodramatic. I think it also shows that while Aurora is young, she is rather mature for her age, which would make sense living as she did all on her own with all those responsibilities.
Plot: Ah, so I see now where the whole witch rumor comes in. I think you fit that in really nicely. It's definitely different than the Disney movie I remember. I can't really speak for the old Sleeping Beauty fairytale, but I really like how you strayed away from what I remember and spun the tale into something not only your own, but entirely different. Also, after seeing Aurora walk in on Brynhild talking to herself in her sleep, it seems Aurora is aware that Bryn knows more about Aurora's past than she's willing to let on. So now I'm wondering if Aurora is going to hound Brynhild for the truth.
Characters: From what I'm seen of Kat, I really like her. Although I feel bad that she has to be so dutiful and accept a fate she doesn't want, I think she does so with dignity and honor. I'm not sure how big of a role she'll have to play in the story after this, but I think bringing her into the picture really illuminates the sort of role women play in this time period and location. The notion that she'll have to adopt another name and marry a man she doesn't really know just speaks so much about her situation, as does the mournful tone she uses when talking about it.
Pacing: I feel like that by slowing down the pacing and giving Aurora a chance to interact with more characters, you're really able to develop her a lot better than, say, Aurelia was. The moment where Aurora is interacting with Bryn and trying to calm Bryn down is a great sympathetic moment, and I think that by you pausing long enough to include it in this story helps me care about Aurora and her situation even more. If I had to make a suggestion for pacing, I would suggest doing so more often nearer the beginning of the story, at least with Aurelia. Even though there weren't many people around the abandoned castle when Aurelia was growing up, the potential was still there for her to interact more with the environment, which in turn would add to her characterization and make her more unique. I'm sorry I'm bringing this up this late into the story, but it didn't really strike me until now when I was comparing Aurora to her mother. But if you didn't intend for Aurora to leave that much of an impact, that's fine, too. These are just some suggestions that will give more weight to the middle of the story, I think.
| Dr. Self Destruct chapter 32 . 5/30/2013
["It is there way. The old Duke—my uncle—was a cold man."]
[Kaspar chuckled again, "That is not the way of it, dearest."]
Edit: The comma after "again" should be a period since this is an action tag and not a speaker tag.
[Kaspar cleared his throat, "Indeed. He died when Ranulf and I were boys. He was my father's brother."]
Edit: Same as above.
["The fabled Princess has finally been released from the witches curse."]
[The girls laugh was infectious and it made Aurora smile.]
[It is almost like seeing a ghost after all these years"]
Edit: Missing a period at the end of this sentence.
[It was she who dragged him away when he took became ill.]
Edit: took should be too.
Characters: I'm not sure how I like Kaspar. I feel like he's too two-dimensional. Like he fits the princely trope and there's nothing particularly different or unique about him. Maybe this will change once we get more of a look into his past? I'm not sure. His actions feel very mechanical, like he's just doing what he's doing because that's what he has to do. He doesn't seem to have any other motivations aside from wanting Aurora to marry him. I saw a little bit of potential conflict between him and his aunt, but it never really developed into anything in this chapter. It's just something to keep in mind for when you come back to edit - perhaps delve a little more into his character and see if there's anyway you can make him not seem like the stereotypical prince looking for his princess. Maybe giving him a little bit of vice will help.
Plot: I'm so glad Aurora is finally getting some answers and truths in this chapter. I've been waiting for this to happen ever since Aurelia, since I know Aurelia never got to know the truth about her own mother. That comment Aurora makes about her father near the end kinda made me wince, too, because i know the truth behind that. And I wonder what Aurora would do if she learned the truth, too.
Setting: I like the attention you play to the castle and the nice clothing everyone is wearing. You do such a great job immersing the reader in your world - especially with the dialogue, too, which I think adds to the setting. Everything feels really organic to the story, from the dresses, to the knights, to the blood-draining in order to help cure Bryn. I can tell you've really done your research, and I appreciate the attention you pay to the little details - it makes everything feel so much more concrete.
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 19 . 5/30/2013
Why don't they just leave? I'm sure Aurelia wants to be with Oren enough that she'd leave her mother. Especially now with the baby.
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 15 . 5/30/2013
...maybe this is more similar to the retelling of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty of course this is a tamer version. I gotta say, incest is not something I normally read, but seeing as they've grown up not knowing they were related I feel I can get over the fact. I'm really curious to see where it's going! Great chapter.
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 14 . 5/30/2013
Oh, this mysterious woman that knows Aurelia and even calls her 'Aury'. I'm curious who it is. So Bryn never told Aurelia and Oren that they were brother and sister? That's so wrong. Off to the next chapter...
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 12 . 5/30/2013
No, no, they need to go get those babies! I can't believe Broom killed a horse. Totally bonkers, my sympathy is gone, but I still love that your writing made the reader (or at least me) feel that way. I'll tell you though, I about had a mild heart attack when I saw 'Epilogue'. It only took a second for me to realize it was just part one and that I knew there were definitely more chapters!
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 7 . 5/30/2013
Lord! The way she was talking to the cooks it was like she'd already stepped her position up. And yay, Freddie's sticking to his guns. This is good. I really do hate the fact that you've written Brynhild into such a well rounded character, with serious problems of her own and heartache . I want to hate her for what she's done, but you manage to pull the sympathy card almost every time you write her. It wasn't fair that the king did that to her, but it was cruel what she did to the king and his children. Great job!
| GossamerSilverglow chapter 6 . 5/30/2013
I have to say, I'm very pleased Frederick pushed her away and then how you described her feeling discarded again was just perfect. This chapter was also really short, the only thing that's got me not complaining about it is that you have over 30 chapters. How do you manage to write so much? *Sighs* Anyhow, as much as I hate that I STILL sympathize (only slightly) with Brynhild I'm really glad the king responded that way. She sure had it coming, that and so much more. I also hope, when he has to choose another wife, that he doesn't go for her! Off to the next chapter.