Reviews for To Sleep Perchance to Dream
Chromatic chapter 2 . 9/25/2012

Even though I think Bryn is a complete... *coughskankcough*
I think it was an interesting play on a romantic affair between her and the King. And I'm sure the Queen had her suspicions but I wondered how she would react if she found out. Something tells me that this girl will turn into the "Evil Witch" from bitterness since she can't get the one thing she wants which is love from the King. And I find little Oren adorable!
Chromatic chapter 1 . 9/25/2012
I am jealous of your effortless writing style. Everything is so well put and complex but clear enough for me to understand. From what you painted so far, I'm very intrigued about where this 'fairytale' version of sleeping beauty is going. Anyways I can't really find anything I'm displeased about and I'm sure I'll be reviewing some more since this intro has really drawn me in to continue reading.
Persevera chapter 14 . 9/23/2012
I like the introduction of the ghost princess. It only means so much to Aurelia but if he ever sees her, it will make Oren so happy
I like this sentence. "When the realization hit her she squealed, throwing her arms around his neck and clutching him, but instead of embracing her back, he just cleared his throat and pushed her away gently." It suggests that Oren does know he's her brother.
Persevera chapter 13 . 9/23/2012
I like that Oren lived, which I hadn't expected, and became a strong and better person. His protectiveness of Aurelia is sweet, though since they don't realize they're siblings, I wonder that they're not in love.
I like the mention of Aurelia wishing that she could see a portrait of her father. I suspect there was one but it would have included his real family
Persevera chapter 12 . 9/23/2012
I like that Lisbet so early thought of Bryn as a witch. That's how legends are born-through ignorance and fear.
I don't like the repetition of some phrases, such as "The snows came three days after her father died, and ever since that first chilly night the Lady Lisbet Guerin had been afraid to go back home." then "When it began to snow on the third day Lisbet told her sister that it was time for them to leave." There was no new information or context in the second phrase, leading to the conclusion that the sentence was misplaced.
The Autumn Queen chapter 12 . 9/23/2012
I'm personally against having epilogues in parts. In this case, I believe this could function as a chapter in itself and your epilogue could be a little different. This story may not be a direct relation to Brynhild but it's not in my definition an epilogue. In fact, I think it might have been best to publish it completely separate as a side-story.

I like the stem-off with this chapter because it does a good job in portraying the panic the disease/curse caused from the perspective of someone who's somewhat of an innocent bystander.

I also like the scene with the animal because that was some nice symbolism in context and nicely placed too.
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 16 . 9/22/2012
Awww, poor Aurelia - all confused. Again, though, I like the way you handled opening. It feels like a good tie in to where you left off last chapter, and I like the contrast between the surface conversation and what's obviously actually going on in her mind. In the middle of talking about the "princess" and then - [He raised his eyebrows at her and her stomach fluttered.] - before trying to go right back into holding a normal conversation. Nicely woven together.

I really like Oren's speech patterns. This might seem odd to say, I guess, but it stood out to me when he said, "Nothing, ay?" It sounds very casual - farm boy-ish, but cute, and the fact that he calls her "Princess" seems to set him apart from her, too, emphasizing the fact that he's been raised to see her on a different level.

When Oren mentioned a prince coming to rescue Aurelia and take her away from him, my heart broke a little. It's so sweet, but at the same time, it again reinforces my previous comment: he's spent his whole life being treated like trash and seeing Aurelia as a princess. I think it's a testiment to her good character and her kindness to him that that sort of upbringing hasn't soured his opinion of her and that he still obviously loves her.

And the plot certainly took a turn there at the end, didn't it? I certainly wasn't expecting a realistic grave scene, but I guess that goes to show how often fantasy glosses over those sorts of things. I'm really curious to see where the story goes from here. It's obviously taken many twists and turns off of the "traditional" telling of sleeping beauty, and I can honestly say at this point I have no idea what to expect, but I think that's great! A nice change from the way too common, entirely beaten dead plot lines that go all in exactly the same direction.

Looking forward to reading on when this updates! :D

- Moonstar
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 15 . 9/22/2012
Wow. You had me angry by the first *sentence*. What a way to open. If you can make me want to strangle a character before I've even finished the first paragraph, you must be doing something right.

I think the transformation of Bryn's character - and my reactions to her - is fascinating. She's done so many turns. At first, I respected her as a diligent servant, then I pitied her as a scorned lover, then I disapproved of her as a needy and overly clingy woman, then I was creeped out by her as a dangerous deranged witch...and now I just hate her. Not only is she deranged, but she's so vividly *hateful* and I like Oren (I love that you've made Oren likeable, by the way - I really do love him as a grown young man). So it just makes me furious to see her treat him the way she does.

HAH! I was right! I knew it. Awesome. I was going to comment earlier on the "toeing the line" relationship between Oren and Aurelia (how there was something definitely not entirely brother/sister about their relationship) and how the lie that they are not blood related helps make that seem more "okay" is really fascinating. So, I love the confirmation of that twist to their relationship here.

I think the scene where she walks in on Oren was very well handled. Confusion, uncertainty - a desire to go to him, but too much hesitance to actually act on it. Really, the emotions all felt perfectly handled to me - just the right tangled balance to make it realistic - and I think it was a great way, as I said before, to emphasize that shade of their dynamic. They're definitely at that stage in their lives where all those desires are fresh and raw and confusing, and Aurelia hasn't been exposed to any other young men *besides* Oren, so it seems absolutely natural that she'd be drawn to the young man who's protected her all her life.

- Moonstar
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 14 . 9/22/2012
I like your opening. I don't remember if I've commented on this before, since it's been a while since I last reviewed, but I think it's a great twist that you had Brynhild make Oren out to be an "orphan" whereas Aurelia was her "real" daughter. Not only does it make perfect sense for Bryn's character and her past attitude towards Oren, but it puts a really interesting spin on Aurelia's relationship with her "brother" who (supposedly) isn't blood related to her. I think the opening here does a good job of painting a picture of what Oren meant to her (Aurelia) and the role he played in her life growing up.

The scene where Aurelia met her real mother (in "spirit" form, I suppose - I'm a little confused about what was going on there) was interesting. I like the irony behind the fact that Aurelia called out "Mother?" and, though she doesn't realize it of course, the person who she meets with *is* indeed her mother. I also like how you mention the Queen speaking Aurelia's name again "testing the sound of it" as Aurelia also does. It's a nice touch to enforce that there's relation there.

I love Oren and Aurelia's dialogue. In the beginning, you can almost feel the excitement bubbling out of Aury as she continues to interrupt him and try to learn more about the town and his new job. It also stands out to me since I'm a fan myself of writing dialogue where the characters are so excited/insistent that they cut repeatedly into one another, and so it's nice to see someone else do it. I think you handle it well. This line made me laugh: ["But I'm not sleeping," she reasoned, "And I'm not cursed."] Practical girl, that one.

Some technical/grammar stuff:

[...and had to comfort the fear of protecting themselves] I think you meant "confront" here. Comfort doesn't make much sense.

[His silence made Aurelia shutter.] Did you mean "shudder"? Shutter sounds odd here.

["She," he said the words very slowly, "Appeared to you?"] When you start a sentence of dialogue, cut it up with the dialogue tag, and then finish the dialogue sentence on the other side, you don't capitalize the first word of the dialogue on the other side, since it's still the middle of the same sentence started previously. In this case the 'a' in 'appeared' should be lower case. You make this mistake a number of times in this chapter, but I'll just point it out here as a general reference so that the list doesn't get annoyingly long.

["My mother is not a witch." she scolded him] Comma after "witch" since "she scolded him" is a dialogue tag.

- Moonstar
Vagrance chapter 2 . 9/22/2012

Whilst the scenario aren't particularly original, they were very effective. Oren's little outburst, the chance encounter with the king fitted the tone and theme of the story.


"...laughs an sighs..."
I think you meant *and*.

"Byrnhild took the boy's hand"
I thought I saw an alternative spelling of her name.


Brynhild: her status and desperation were well portrayed. She came across as very human.
Frederick: the man with a guilty conscience for his youthful indiscretions (funny, I happen to have a king named Frederick in my story too; must be a popular name for authoritative figures).

Dialogue: powerful, emotional words; good use of italics. Every character had a voice of their own.

On a finishing note, I feel this is not going to be a "pleasant" story. I sense something very dark and nasty lurking somewhere down the track...let me know if I'm right. P
The Autumn Queen chapter 9 . 9/21/2012
["You've gone made.] - You've gone mad. That typo really dims the effect as that should have been a very powerful statement.

I like the ending because there's a sense of despondency about it, but also a sense of irony, as we know it is Brynhild who is causing the curse/sickness.

I find myself not liking the scene before it with Patrice because Patrice's words indicate a close relationship but you don't do anything with it. So it doesn't have much of an impact - counterproductive even, as that would have been a powerful tool to further highlight Brynhild's character.
Thousand Writer chapter 2 . 9/21/2012
As requested, here's your Review Game Depth review!

Scene: The scenery that played in this chapter was very interesting. Based on the feel of the story, I could feel myself in an immense castle, with cold stone walls and torches attached to the walls. If that was what you were going for, definite kudos!

Characters: Byrnhild, King Fredrick, Queen Aurorette, and Oren. With the exception of Fredrick, I love the originality of their names as they have the medieval tone to them. Also, I'm glad that each character's personality stood out. Byrnhild with her lust, Fredrick with her sternness, Aurorette with her grace, and Oren with his immaturity. I almost felt sorry for Byrnhild though. Her love for King Fredrick seemed to have grown from an innocent past before he married Aurorette.

Pacing: The pacing was excellent. It didn't feel rushed or tedious from beginning to end and each character did their fair share of screen time to keep my interest.

Enjoyment: It kept my interest due to the imagery and emotion I could feel from Byrnhild. I really felt like I was sympathizing with her and it actually made me smile that I could see how her emotions were well-written.

Overall, keep up the good work!
Guest chapter 9 . 9/14/2012
The opening was bittersweet. Bryn had done so much the previous night to be able to be wife to king and mother to baby but still wasn't and couldn't be.

I like this phrase: "not noticing Brynhild until she was standing over her, shading the other girl like a dark cloak." First it's just a great choice of words. Then it evokes the idea of a shroud or Bryn as Death.
Guest chapter 10 . 9/14/2012
The dialogue with Frederick and Guerin was good. Their lifetime of camaraderie and one being a mentor to the other was plain with just a couple of exchanges.

Guerin was a well-realized character in this one chapter. He was a soldier past his prime, now primarily a parent. He'd planned when he was younger to die on the battlefield but had probably already put that romantic idea behind him to carry out his new role.

This passage was particularly effective-"Outside in the street the bodies had stopped being collected. The mound already the height of a man, but with each new corpse there was one less person to bring the next one out." -It's depicted in any movie or book in which there is a plague, as far as the stack of bodies. But this description took it to the next phase when the deaths outnumbered the citizens so there was no one else to add to the pile
anon chapter 11 . 9/14/2012
Bryn's walks through the castle are eerie. She almost seems ghost-like herself, with her own errands to tend to, despite what was going on around her.

I'm curious about this passage: "She laid back down on top of him, her cheek against his chest, her breath slow, her mind racing". She seemed utterly peaceful at that point, paying no attention to anything, just wanting to lie next to Frederick.
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