|Reviews for My End|
| Kendal J chapter 1 . 9/9/2012
That was deep, which is a hard thing to achieve sometimes, so good job!
| BlameMyMuses chapter 1 . 9/4/2012
Good things to start with:
I like the progression - the poem steadily becomes more paniced the further you read, which I think was the aim. So, well done on that. I liked the use of the cigerette as a symbol and a sort of focus for the contemplation.
Firstly, grammar. It's just little things like making sure that it's 'I' and not 'i', or 'can't' instead of 'cant'. I know it's minor but it does effect the reading of the poem. The second thing is: watch the cliches. This is really important because you've got a nice writing style but no matter how good a writer you are, once you throw in a bunch of cliches there is no saving you. The over descriptive language like 'weeping tears of heaven', or 'purpose driven edge' are just a bunch of flowery words strung together. While imagery is important, you have to make a balance between realistic, poetic words and melodramatic language.
Good job, you've conveyed the mix emotions well and (ignoring some of the flowery language) you've convincingly showed the internal monologue of the narrator.
Hope this helps!