|Reviews for Beyond|
| Rail Strong chapter 19 . 3/12/2013
Oh no...Gosh. This by far is the most saddest chapter. Scorpio...the traitor...Virgo...Libra...Dead...
| Anybodythere chapter 19 . 3/12/2013
This chapter was a bit confusing. I'm guessing it will all be explained later, but still, it's confusing.
(and I refuse to believe he's really evil).
| Lionesscouer chapter 18 . 2/25/2013
I feel sort of bad for Scorpio. I've been a huge fan of this story. It never fails to keep me wanting more and waiting impatiently for the next chapter. Can't wait to see how things progress with Aquarius's suspicions.
| Anybodythere chapter 17 . 2/15/2013
The summary was useful. I was getting sort of lost.
But, seriously? I didn't see that one coming at all! I bet it's Gemini. Or even Virgo. Though I don't want her to. Scorpio can't be it. He just... can't!
| alltheeagles chapter 11 . 2/14/2013
I like your rich descriptions, especially those of people. Scorpio was a mercenary? I like, I like! I find princes kind of boring - another strike against Leo!
I think I see where the parallel plot lines are going with the developments in this chapter. Moark is going to meet Natalie again, I assume. It'd be interesting to see how that happens, along with the 'find the breach' and 'who will Nat choose' elements.
It's definitely easier to understand when you stick to 'Leo' only, but you don't necessarily have to stop using 'Rob' altogether. Save it for gooey moments with Natalie. Or she could be the only person to call him that, you know, their special thing. See, I'm giving Rob a fair chance at her.
1) The innkeeper's description is a bit clunky. How about breaking it up? i.e. "He was a tall man with limp red hair and kind features; a respectful and amicable chap who kept the inn clean and the embers in the chimney glowing, who knew how to disappear when his clients wanted privacy"
2) long THIN fingers work with the glass
3) letting in a GUST OF warm air
4) his hair a wispy white and hers a long, shiny silver - Sounds funny somehow, although I love the imagery. I'd suggest "He watched Scorpio and Capricorn in front of the Gate, their faces close together, framed by the wispy white of his hair and the long shiny silver of hers"
| alltheeagles chapter 10 . 2/12/2013
I like Scorpio better at the moment, but it seems Natalie is going for the 'hotter' Leo, haha. BTW, my star sign is Leo but I'm nowhere as hot-tempered as Rob. Maybe that's why I don't like him as much - hotheads put me off. It's a bit confusing, though, having both names, 'Leo' and 'Rob' being used. Maybe 'Rob' could be reserved for Natalie's private thoughts and/or lovey-dovey stuff between them, and 'Leo' could be for the narrative bits and how the other Stars refer to him.
I also like how you're giving background info for the other Stars as well. It helps to explain why they act in certain ways and how they react to certain situations. I suppose they're all, like Natalie, struggling to a certain extent with who they are now and the memories of who they were before.
Yep... I'm all for character development!
When Natalie and Leo arrived AT/IN the Lowlands
crossed Cancer IN the corridor, or crossed PATHS WITH Cancer in the corridor
the EightH star replied
| alltheeagles chapter 9 . 2/11/2013
I like this chapter. And I think the previous chapter was necessary, because it helps us understand why Scorpio and Leo are at odds.
Your action scenes in this chapter are nicely done. I know how hard these are to write, so great job there!
The Shadows remind me of the Hollows in Bleach. I like recurring villains - they're characters too, that can be developed and fleshed out.
1) focus on his... sEwing
2) arrives IN every city
| alltheeagles chapter 7 . 2/10/2013
Ah, the joys of a reincarnation plot... Do you go for the love of your past life, or the possible love of your present life? Such a delicious predicament!
| alltheeagles chapter 3 . 2/7/2013
I'm guessing that the plot is going to take some effort to keep track of, isn't it? Enjoying the story, wish I had more time to read regularly.
By the way, should it be "we are the eighTH generation of stars since..."?
| Y. S. Wong chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
Oh wow, here I was wondering where exactly you were going with this William-romance-thing, but then that dark turn at the end caught me quite off guard. In a good way! That was quite a way to wrap up the plot line in the chapter, and the cliffhanger at the end left me interested for more!
I like your world-building. The characters for the most part behave realistically and the medieval(?) world you've constructed is very convincing. Natalie is a strong heroine and that opening with her sweeping was a neat way to begin. I like Moark, and I'm interested in seeing how his plot line develops. Robert is a pervert. And Martha is scarily ubiquitous.
| Jenny chapter 16 . 1/18/2013
I loved this chapter :) I really like the feel of Moark's environment, you make it seem so real. Update soon!
| Sombrette chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
I like how you immediately immerse the reader into the story, with Natalie sweeping and day dreaming about William, It was a nice way to ease us in. So far she seems very ambitious, with her hidden desire to fight. Even if she doesn't acknowledge it, I'm getting the vibe that she wants to be more, with analyzing the sparring and looking at the blades. When she spoke to Moark about becoming something more, seemed like she was kind of speaking about herself as well. The dialogue is great too, it's really natural and flows nicely. I half expected it to be stiff due to the fantasy setting, I've been seeing a lot of that lately, but it wasn't.
After reading through this chapter I have a good feel for the setting and the goings on in the castle. I'm really curious to who 'Scorpio' is and why she's 'Capricorn' and I'm wondering if you made them compatible signs for a reason. lol Hopefully you did as I already like him more than William. Great start!
| Anybodythere chapter 15 . 1/11/2013
Arghhhh! I was anxious throughout this whole chapter! I knew Aquarius was smart from the beginning, heheh.
I want to see more of Moark. Pretty please?
| Lance130 chapter 3 . 12/26/2012
wow great story! Excellent writing and a wonderful premise
| CharissaKarn chapter 13 . 12/10/2012
:D YEEEEEEEEE :D I LOVE IT! :D ahahah cannot wait to read more! :D YAY!