Reviews for The Roaring Rumbler
Beautiful Bluebird chapter 2 . 9/9/2012
So, I'm pretty sure that most of the dialogue/scene ideas (the dance audition is verbatim) from your second chapter came from the movie, "The Artist." The description of Lottie Miller looks like Bérénice Bejo's character (beauty mark and all) and oh, her name in the movie was Peppy Miller.

I'd like to see what you have planned for your third chapter. Is she going to fall in love with a fallen silent film actor while she rises to the top...just like in "The Artist" or do you have something a little more creative up your sleeve?
AjaxSarkozi chapter 2 . 9/8/2012
It's an interesting idea. The plotline is a classic that, while used an uncountable number of times, has been changed each variation.

So the fact you put it in the roaring 20's is deffinitely intrigueing. However, I did pick up on a few things that I just would like to point out. While the plotline, like I said, is great and you have no fault at describing, the time periods between each event are a little smushed together. It happens a lot with this type of story, but it deffinitely seems a little rushed. Try slowing it down a little more, focus on the surrounding, different side characters in your story, etc.

Another thing I noticed is the feeling as if they are modern girls in a 1920's middle school play. Besides your character Effie and the names of the characters, they speak and act like girls in the modern age. Try brushing up on 1920s flapper history a bit if you haven't already.

But these little critiques are very minor I assure you. It's a great story and I hope you continue it :)

Ajax Sarkozi
KillerMuffinish chapter 2 . 9/7/2012
I'm writing a story exactly like this! (Haven't posted in on FP, though). It's a very good story so far and I would like to read more. The chapter is a bit short, though... but hey, you just started.
I like your language and the whole essense of the story. It looks like you really did your reaserch and I like that! It's so much better than the "So we walked down this street to another street where these famous persons walked"...

The only thing that bothered me is that you might like Lottie a bit too much. She's a good character and all, but I think you made her a little to pretty, a little to talented. - But again, it's just the first chapter, I shouldn't be judging all ready.

All in all, I think it's very good so far. I know I mostly complained in my review, but I do like your story, I really do! The language is very delicate, too.

-Watty.