|Reviews for Ryan Slays The Darkness (old draft!)|
| Silver Sheryl chapter 9 . 3/23/2013
| KayMacD chapter 9 . 3/9/2013
Mmkay. Yeah, there is a lot of skipping around lately, but I sort of think I understand where this goes in the whole of the story. And I'm sure it'll make a lot more sense in the rewrite. :)
It's all going very well. I'm still interested to see what happens on Ryan's sixteenth birthday, but I'm good with whatever inspiration strikes you. :)
| Silver Sheryl chapter 8 . 2/23/2013
Daytona? Where do you come up with these names! I must know!
| Silver Sheryl chapter 7 . 2/23/2013
Wow, I think Saul likes Bilia...
| Silver Sheryl chapter 6 . 2/23/2013
| Silver Sheryl chapter 5 . 2/23/2013
| Silver Sheryl chapter 4 . 2/23/2013
Ryan :D awwwe
| Silver Sheryl chapter 3 . 2/23/2013
Nice job so far!
| Silver Sheryl chapter 2 . 2/23/2013
She's so sweet :)
| Silver Sheryl chapter 1 . 2/23/2013
Ah yes I remember you mentioning this...and its as good as you said!
| KayMacD chapter 8 . 2/17/2013
This chapter was good. :) I don't know if it's really consistant with the previous chapter - because Saul and Bilia acted like they'd never met before but here they are becoming friends - but it wasn't bad.
The way Feri acted...it was very much like seventh grade. :P
Still, I'm interested to hear more. Update soon! :)
| Raleigh Daniels Jr chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
This story is very unique; it's establishing the story quite well. Great job! I'll read more of this if I have time.
| KayMacD chapter 7 . 11/26/2012
Woo-hoo! Black Friday chapter!
Man, I wish my parents would get ME three BMWs. Almost as much as I wish they'd get me a blue Porsche at the age of fifteen. (What's the deal with that, exactly? Does Bilia have her permit?) But alas. No fancy-schmancy cars for me.
But anyway, this chapter was pretty good. There's something special going on with the sixteenth birthday. I can feel it. :D
There was kinda a strange ending on it though. Very abrupt. I like to end mine with one decisive sentence or something that really puts a finish on it, as opposed to a regular paragraph you could find in the middle. But maybe that's just me. :P
Anyways, it was good! I wanna see the rest of the birthday! So update soon!
| KayMacD chapter 6 . 11/22/2012
Hi again! Nice chapter. It seems like Ryan's gonna have some trouble soon. *fiendish laughter*
I'm gonna point out some more nitpicky things. :P Firstly, you said that Morgan married Jhon a month after she met him. How come?
And then I'd suggest reworking the points of view a little bit, because it starts out with it following Ryan with details and stuff, and then it skims over a lot of events in a more vague way. Maybe a better transition should be there to ease that stuff together, or maybe a spaceholder to distinguish between following Ryan and summarizing what's happening. If you get what I'm saying.
But besides that, good job. And happy Thanksgiving!
| CountryGal12 chapter 6 . 11/22/2012
Amazing! When you finish this, you should publish it! I'm sure the publishers wouldn't reject it!