|Reviews for The Girl's Rebellion|
| darrenk100 chapter 10 . 12/31/2012
well awaited end
can't wait for your next storry
| darrenk100 chapter 8 . 11/12/2012
cool chapter but just needs some thing more
| darrenk100 chapter 7 . 9/26/2012
| darrenk100 chapter 6 . 9/24/2012
cool cliffhanger can't wait 4 what happens next
| darrenk100 chapter 5 . 9/18/2012
can not wait for what happens next
| darrenk100 chapter 4 . 9/15/2012
so far so good interesting pat about the secret underground tunnel/cave
| darrenk100 chapter 3 . 9/13/2012
maybe you should add some more details and possably a new a charicter
think of some history to help w/ war and tactics
| JennaLM chapter 3 . 9/13/2012
Interesting...Looking forward to the next chapter!
| darrenk100 chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
good start cannot wait for the rest
| Anxious Axolotl chapter 1 . 9/8/2012
Your story has some interesting elements to it and seems to have a lot of potential. I think you did a really good job at setting up what looks like is going to become an 'epic fantasy' sort of adventure in a short chapter.
Your dialogue was good, although I thought the advisor spoke a little too casually for someone addressing a powerful king who they feared. For example, things like [I'm just saying ] [I reckon] seemed a little too informal for the setting.
Maybe some of these things will be made clearer in later chapters, but I was a bit confused by a few things. If the king was so terrible and the neighbouring kingdom so easy to get to, why would they listen to him saying it would be 'disrespectful' to cross the battlefield? I could understand if anyone caught trying to escape was brutally and publicly punished but I'm not sure about them not doing it in order to be respectful, especially if the current king doesn't believe it's disrespectful.
Also, didn't anyone else think to hide in the forest too? If Vixen is looking to build an army and is skilled enough to get close enough to the king to eavesdrop on his conversations, couldn't she find her way to wherever the twenty thousand prisoners being held and use them? I hope you explain exactly how twenty thousand prisoners are captured and kept, too.
I hope later chapters are a little longer, I'm very curious to see what happens in Vywin and see what happens to Vixen. I just wanted to add how nice it is to read something on this site with clear dialogue and grammar, makes such a difference!