|Reviews for Lupus de Luna|
| Eliizabethx chapter 8 . 10/12/2013
Oh my god! I am loving this story! :D
Everything... All of it... So amazing! It's all just so awesome! :D
I love sassy Isobel, she's awesome. :P
But I hate overly possessive Killian (or more accurately Ulfric), total ass(es).
Though I will admit I may be a bit biased when it comes to that sort of thing. I absolutely hate guys that think they own their girlfriend/wife/ect.. (though I will admit a little possessiveness is fine, even kind of hot).
I still love this story though since I'm weird and love stories that I can hate and love at the same time.
Oh, and I definitely loved the little scene between Isobel and her dad in this (non-chapter?) chapter.
Can't wait for the next chapter! :D
Thank you for writing this awesome story! :)
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 8 . 6/22/2013
Excellent! I'm glad you reposted this, because I get WAY too much sleep. XD
I can see the alterations you've made to your overall style, and it's looking so good! Even the mood and the interactions between the characters feel smoother and more natural. Two thumbs up! I'm especially impressed with the whole daddy-daughter exchange. I'm already a sucker for sappy daddy-daughter stuff, and that whole scene made me all teary-eyed. It also reminded me to send my dad a birthday card. *laugh* Thanks for that.
Oh, and on that note, you should Google "Daddy's Ten Rules of Dating." (The "Wattpad" result seems to be the most accurate.) I think I first read it back in 2001, when the internet was nothing but joke sites and ICQ servers. Rules nine and ten are my favorites. XD The application bit seems to be a recent but welcome addition.
Also, once again, Killian wants me to punch him in the nuts, and Grady saves the day. I love how the three of them play off each other. It's a really good setup, especially when you need something to balance the utter drama between the two furballs. Isobel gets my vote pretty much every time, though. It makes sense that she's scared, but earns extra points for battling her fears. Killian just needs to chill out. *evil laugh* I hope he gets SUPER NERVOUS on that date.
So...new chapter, maybe? *wiggles eyebrows*
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 7 . 6/21/2013
Ooh, so much action! You've done an excellent job of presenting a lot of information in a short amount of time. I think it's because you already planted the seeds in previous chapters, so it works out beautifully. There were a couple of typos, like missed words from random edits and such, but nothing terribly noticeable. Overall, it was very exciting,
I am SUCH a nerd for vampires...dead ones make me sad, though. *pout* I can't believe you took down chapter 8... *simmers* Ooh, you are so cruel!
Also, really? REALLY? People were stealing your story? *glower* Oh, man, if someone tried to take Avenari, they would be in a world of hurt. (I have far too many internet friends for my own good...which is kind of sad, I realize.) I actually run checks fairly frequently to make sure that the stuff I post hasn't been spirited off to other sites. I've also got printed copies that I've given to friends and such...I should really just get a copyright already.
If it happens again, let me know, for I shall do my best to crush the offending party. We can form a crusade of justice!
Anyway, you should put that chapter back. I want to read it. Pretty please?
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 6 . 6/20/2013
This is a great chapter to serve as a transition between the happy-fun-time of the last one, and the expected chaos of the next. You claim that no one will die next chapter, but that doesn't mean they won't get horribly injured. O_O I hope Isobel doesn't come back drenched in red. All that white fur...
Also, Grady is awesome, and I want to see more Percy! Ah, I wish I had a house ghost...
Short and sweet - love it!
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 5 . 6/20/2013
I make no complaints. That was a nicely timed, pleasant surprise, and super kinky! *dances* Every time the wolves use telepathy, I get all happy inside. Ah, dissociative identities, how I adore thee...
And then Grady busted in to give everyone their own plot bunny, which is always fun! Careful, though. They breed like...well, like bunnies. One second there's only a couple, and two chapters later there's an entire bunny army. I can't wait to see how they handle all the drama!
I shall speak no more, for the written word speaks for itself. See you next chapter!
(Also, I promised not to obliterate the word limit this time. I now take my leave, for it is 6:13AM and I should really sleep... *exits stage left* )
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 4 . 6/20/2013
First off, the entire first half of this chapter was nearly flawless. Little by little, I'm getting a picture of the world that these characters inhabit, but it's not happening so quickly that I feel overwhelmed. It's entertaining and informative, and very suspenseful. The explanation of the mating process is excellent to have, and I'm curious to find out more. Same goes for this apparent vampire truce, and the suggestion of a Fight Club from Isobel. Ah, she makes me laugh.
By the way, I still want to know more about the haunted house. o_O It's got soul. Like, superbad.
Sorry, they've been playing 70's hits constantly at work for the past three months, and I'm actually starting to like that stuff...
Brian, though crass, is awesome. Anyone who says otherwise ought to be shot with a silver bullet. His answer to Killian's question before the chapter break was truly creepy. (It's ended with a comma, though, which should be a period. Honest typo.)
Killian is hilarious when he's all in a tizzy over Isobel's outfit. (I love it when characters freak out over wardrobe changes...not sure why.) Their whole development is going at a very nice pace, and it's an excellent way to make people keep turning the page. Don't wait too long, though, or there will be blood. *laugh*
Now, for the second half, it sure is a good thing that everyone at the bar was super wasted. I kept expecting some random person to show up and ruin the whole thing. I do find it a little bit odd that the rather personal exchange between Isobel and Killian happened out in the open, but maybe there's a set piece that I missed? Same goes for Arthur's appearance and that whole incident outside. Maybe people noticed, but thought it was all part of the rowdy atmosphere, or the noise and conversation was muffled by loud bagpipes or something. I think if you go back and edit this chapter, you should try to imagine the whole scene taking place from, say, a far corner, and try to add in details so that Isobel and Killian are either more aware of the potential audience, or totally confident that they're not being observed. You can still tell it from limited third-person Isobel view, but setting also matters. Like, you wouldn't have a massive fight with your best friend, complete with screaming and hair-pulling, in the middle of a crowded theater. That sort of thing.
That being said, there's nothing at all wrong with the actual interactions or conversations - it's the setting that needs a little bit of attention now. Other than that one catch, the whole chapter is fascinating and super-duper freakout-inducing. Dude, I was all ready to punch Killian for that whole bartering-for-info incident. I'm on Isobel's side. Men. Can't live with them, but you can totally live without them...for now. XD
Time for a drink...and maybe just one more chapter? I'll do my best not to word-vomit all over the review box next time. Probably.
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 3 . 6/20/2013
Oh, man, I gotta say that my initial impression of Nadia wasn't even remotely accurate. That whole scene with the picture in the frame made me think that she and Grady had a thing going, but that went out the window right quick. I also thought she would have been sweet and unassuming, but Isobel certainly switched things around. I hate to say it, but I'm glad she's been kicked out. Seriously. What kind of idiot human takes on a werewolf without backup?
I also really like the little hints at additional supernatural occurrences elsewhere in this universe. You know how I love my vampires, but it's actually kind of refreshing to read a werewolf story. I was never terribly interested in wolfy stuff, so this is a nice introduction.
Vampires, fae, and haunted houses, eh?
I have no idea why that rhymed. I couldn't help it. I'm sorry...
But yes, I love vast, complicated worlds that hold secrets at every turn. It's far more entertaining that way. XD I'm also enjoying the development between Isobel and Killian, and Grady makes for an excellent comedic relief. (Did I mention that I ADORE Grady? The dude is pretty boss.)
As for critique, it's pretty much just the same stuff I've already said, so I won't bore you with that. I just can't wait to see how Isobel is at work. (Oh, man, Killian's probably gonna lay the smackdown on some unsuspecting fool!) On to the next chapter! I have no work today, the new book is up, and the sun can go suck a lemon!
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 2 . 6/19/2013
I don't even know how I ended up here again...one second I was looking at Word, and the next I'm finishing this chapter. Oh, God, the sun is rising...why is the sun rising?!
Well, since I'm here, I'll have you know that this chapter was fantastic. All that tension and the whole back and forth between Killian and Isobel was honestly riveting. Stylistic suggestions from my initial comments still stand, but now that I've gotten used to your writing patterns, it didn't distract me this time.
Oh, and I think I adore Grady.
"A little cat fight is no match for the big bad wolf and his loyal sidekick, Dumbledore."
- I laughed SO HARD. (As quietly as I could, for I did not want to wake anyone.)
His idea to just cuddle Isobel was so inspired. I love how you give her this dichotomy of characterization, where she's tough and brash, but super wary and even terrified, depending on the circumstances. It makes her real, at least to me.
Okay, it's time to sleep. I shall read more later, when the cursed, burning day-moon isn't hovering right outside my window. *laugh*
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 1 . 6/19/2013
I am loving this story already. I have a few suggestions to help smooth out the flow, but all in all it's an excellent first chapter. Isobel is such a diverse character, and she's only been in the picture for a few pages, but her personality shines through despite the fog of first-chapter-reader-funk. (That's what I call it when people jump into a new story with new characters in an unfamiliar world, naked and confused and so very alone.) It takes a little while to learn the rules and meet the people, but you've handled it quite nicely.
By the way, all the exchanges between Isobel and her wolf just make me super happy for some reason. I have a wacky thing for people who hear voices. Also, even though I'm sure not everyone did, I totally followed every step taken in the kitchen, for I LOVE TO COOK. Mmm...pasta.
Anyway, here's just a couple of things you might want to consider to make things even better than they already are. The characters and the plot are solid right now, so let's worry about stylistic conventions. Fun, right? XD :
- When writing dialogue, you want to make sure that each character who speaks is isolated within their own paragraph as much as possible. Like, if Isobel does an action, it should be described in the same paragraph as the dialogue that she delivers. A little bit of crossover is fine, but it took a couple of paragraphs to figure out that, say, Killian had spoken when Isobel is the one looking over at him, etc. I got used to it, but at first I was lagging about one quote behind.
- Toss in some speech tags (he said, she said, I said...) whether or not the above jives with your sense of organization. At the very least, they will let the reader know who said what, and there won't be that pause to figure out the dialogue flow. Along that same vein, connecting speech with speech tags and action through commas will make things even flowyer...flowier...flowiy-er...
That's not a word, is it? Firefox is telling me that I'm horribly wrong.
"It will make the dialogue much smoother to link quotes and actions with commas," the pretentious reader said as she glanced at the clock. It was 4:10AM.
Uhh...oh, and one last thing, which is really more of a question: Is it intentional that Isobel thinks that her room is Killian's room, as well? It was super sudden! (But my twisted inner self loved it!) I really liked that whole exchange - it was just the one comment that caught me off-guard. If it's intentional, maybe dress it up with some sort of explanation that the house is a communal sort of home-type-deal and blah-blah-blah. If you take the lupine road, you could throw in some fascinating tidbit about social structure within groups of wolves...or even just have her act like she totally didn't mean to say that.
Or not. It's a good kick in the pants to catch a reader's attention, that's for sure.
Okay, I'm done rambling. I have to go double check an epilogue now. Ooh, you've distracted me once again! I'll be back soon enough for some cheering up. *cries a little inside*
| joelcoxriley chapter 1 . 1/17/2013
I just read your first chapter and I really love it! This is honestly one of the most easy stories I've read(and in a very good way) that I can quickly get sucked into the story and enjoy! Good job!
| Katriella Rosewood chapter 8 . 1/8/2013
My god. That chapter was wonderful. :) I loved how Killian is beginning to realise that he can't be so overbearing. I also loved the fact that Isabel is starting to stand up to him. :)
| Moon Sage chapter 8 . 1/7/2013
I'm horrible at shopping for my own clothes as well. xD Nicely done indeed. I enjoyed reading this one (well, the making up part at the end to be specific).
| DiizGiirlJess chapter 8 . 1/6/2013
I loved it !
| Silver Witherwings chapter 8 . 1/5/2013
I liked this chapter! I'm looking forward to seeing Isobel and Killian get to know each other beyond a physical level.
| Silver Witherwings chapter 3 . 1/5/2013
The snippet of Killian's backstory was well-done. I also love how the wolves are like a separate entity; very original.