|Reviews for The Demon Queen|
| Honunjama chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
Okay, I hope you find this constructive:) these are just my thoughts, so please feel free to ignore anything you don't find helpful.
You have some really nice descriptions here:
'watching the sun as it painted the sky before it slept.'
And the section about Mitchell's wings too:)
'We were in a huge grassy field with green grass growing...' dropping the 'we were in' and the 'it was' (in the sentence before) it's more effective to read something like 'The huge grassy field expanded all around us, the green grass growing right up to the mountains in the distance' (this is just an example I'm not suggesting you change your story). It connects the reader with the story a little more.
I was a little confused as to who everyone was and who was speaking in the first bits of dialogue as you don't say.
And at the very end you seem to switch POV's was that intentional? If so maybe make it a bit more obvious for your readers by seperating that section.
Ahaha I like your list of demi angels;P
I hope you continue:)