Reviews for Pit Stops in the River City |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Excuse me while I flip out about a story set in MY hometown! Excellent :-) |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like! |
![]() ![]() You are an incredible writer :) I really enjoyed reading this, and I love how straightforward you've made them. There's no games, no manipulation. It's really wonderful, and you made the tension between them so palpable. I really look forward to reading more from you! |
![]() ![]() ![]() this is utterly fantastical |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hi, it's Juliet. Every Star-Cross'd entry gets a review from me, so here it is: The concept of your one-shot was cute (who doesn't like the girl-falls-for-brother's-best-friend cliché?). I would suggest for you to vary your sentence length, correct some spelling errors (“See its working” should be “See it's working” or “Your Eli's sister” should be “You're Eli's sister”) to polish it up a bit. I thought the relationship between Aidan and Annie was absolutely adorable! Perhaps you could create more of a balance between description and dialogue if you decide to edit this- more showing, less telling. I really hope you participate next round. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Cute! :D I want a big brother who has a hot, cute, nice best friend... that I can eventually convert to be my lovely boyfriend. Huuuurrr. Too bad I have an older sister who doesn't have a hot male best friend. |
![]() ![]() ![]() *claps* This was really good! I'm a complete sucker for the "brother's best friend" stories and this just completely fed my addiction. You have a way with dialogue, girl. I'm super proud that this came from an ADoR prompt as well. Good job! |