|Reviews for Sweltering requiem graffiti|
| thewhimsicalbard chapter 1 . 10/9/2012
[RG - Poems - Depth - Rule 10 Review]
First, a couple small thoughts:
"my vertebrae / is a webbed fleur-de-lis," - "vertebrae" is the plural form of the word which we took directly from the 2nd declension Latin noun, so it should either be "my vertebrae / are" or "my vertebra / is".
"Legs apart, / genuflecting," - Best part of the poem, easy. Hilarious. I wish I had thought of it first.
Now, the review:
[IMAGES]: It really irks me when you reference something that I don't understand, because it makes me feel like I've failed as a Renaissance man. I'm afraid that I don't really know enough about Iphigenia to do a proper and cohesive review of this story, and that is my fault; unfortunately, the wikipedia article on her myth is terrible, so I'm a little bit out of luck in terms of context. Otherwise, your images were fantastic. I'm a sucker for a female speaker whose sexuality is on overdrive (I refuse to apologize for my genetic predispositions), and the images of body parts really intensify the atmosphere in this poem. The "webbed fleur-de-lis" was my personal favorite - it was a fantastically evocative and arousing image.
[FLOW]: Impeccable, with the exception being the grammar error I noted above. I loved the requiems leading into the death of the daughter leading into sex which makes me think of Oedipus and then all of a sudden, irony, because this is a piece about the feeling you get from writing, not sex.
"and the ironic / structure of my / brain putting your fingers / into my mouth, / I am busy swallowing you up, / busy, / still dizzy from you."
I get it now. To be honest, this poem reads a lot like Margaret Atwood's "Siren Song". If you haven't read it (though I'm almost sure you have), you should. It has a similar method of screwing with the reader's mind, and letting them know on the second read that you knew what you were doing. Great execution there.
[SUBJECT ENJOYMENT]: This poem is very visceral, and I enjoy that. It's driven by lust, at times sexual to the point of hyperbole, and it features an Oedipus complex, which I suppose is okay. I appreciate what you're trying to do here (a sort of meta-poem/inception-poem-within-a-poem thing), and from an authorial perspective that's interesting, and you executed it well. However, I do have a bone to pick with this one. Maybe I'm missing something subtle in the Iphigenia allusion (that's my best theory), but this entire poem seems to lack the usual cohesion that I'm so used to in your poetry. The point of view is just inconsistent enough to throw me off, and I have to say I've never had so much trouble getting a lock on one of your poems. It's like a steak that's just a little too underdone, for me. It's not that I don't enjoy it, but I expected stronger from a steakhouse of your caliber. As I explained, it's probably my fault for ordering the wrong kind of wine (extended metaphors within a review, yes), but to be honest, if I didn't get it after thorough examination, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there aren't too many others here who will get it, either.
Once again, my apologies for failing to do this justice. I'll try again shortly.
| the duck in the rain chapter 1 . 9/14/2012
i love the imagery of Iphigenia being let loose through the body - and that simile "like a child throwing a tantrum" - it's perfect. I love the way this poem builds - subtle in the way that i can it growing stronger as the poem moves on - "a gulp of withdrawl from you" to "another grown daughter", which is incredible when i think back on the line "i will not die for you father" - i'm in love!
The idea of her spine being a Fleur-de-lis - like she is royalty herself, her very being is represented in the three leaves on the emblem - she works, she fights, and she prays. Completely on her own power. i mean, what can i say about this? it's gorgeous. i may just go through and review as much of your poetry as i can shove into my brain via my eyeballs - if i don't die of the beauty, i may be able to live forever.
At first, I wasn't so sure about the shift at the end. the poem feels very otherworldly at the beginning, and the end seems to bring back to reality. i didn't know how i really felt about it in the beginning, but i like that it came back to being something very relatable. lord, i don't know if this is anything you were going for - but fuck it. i loved it.