|Reviews for The Angel Games|
| Summers Sky chapter 6 . 11/9/2012
Aww, those two naughty angels, I bet there gonna annoy Iris. Yay! Maniac Iris will win, maybe that's not such a good idea, but it'd be funny!
| KayMacD chapter 6 . 11/8/2012
Sad. Very sad. Oh well. My characters are both still alive. Mwahahaha...
But I guess you're not supposed to know who they are, so I'll keep quiet about them...but still. Is Iris really gonna win? She seems too crazy for me. :/
As for all the other alliances, they seem pretty cool and interesting. I thought it was kinda hilarious how Leila killed Angel, even if I did kinda want him to win.
I wonder what's gonna happen now that all the alliances are made (at least I think that's all of them). Maybe some battles! Or *gasp* love affairs!
| MagicWords chapter 6 . 11/8/2012
If I were Morpheus, I would have just put them to sleep and killed them...
Marika is kick butt awesome!
Poor de Jose. He died cruelly.
Now I wonder what that beast is...twists and turns!
| Summers Sky chapter 5 . 11/7/2012
Wow. My own charecter killed me. Good deaths ;D Is it wrong to utterly HATE my own character, oooh but she's soooo evil!
| Summers Sky chapter 3 . 11/7/2012
Awww, my characters are both insane. I like Cecily, she seems nice. Amazing descriptions as usual!
| Summers Sky chapter 2 . 11/7/2012
Lol, my character is TOTALLY different to me and we share the same name and looks. Good descriptions ;D
| Summers Sky chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Ooh good start! Sorry I haven't read it sooner my laptop died :(
| CacoethesScribendi17 chapter 5 . 10/24/2012
Noooo! Not Gezzie, Dallas and Nic! (sigh) Oh, well. At least they died fighting.
(muttering) Stupid Iris and her fancy-shmancy powers...dirty little bitch.
I'll bet my last Angel that Iris is the cheater.
| Mysterious Mystery chapter 5 . 10/24/2012
This chapter is still not as awesome as it could have been but it was still enjoyable. I liked the part when Iris said 'Iris never dies' I somehow found that hilarious.
No Nic! Why did you have to die! So you mean to tell me that Nic saw how Iris killed Gezzie and how she blinded her by looking into her eyes and he went and did the same thing and got himself killed, smh. Update soon!
| MagicWords chapter 5 . 10/22/2012
Loved it! Glad I got to see Shane. He is so sweet! I love what he said about not wanting to appear weak by hiding in a cave! Good update!
| KayMacD chapter 5 . 10/22/2012
I gotta say, I'm surprised at the partner you chose for my character. You probably don't remember who that character is, but nevertheless...I'm surprised. I still have one more character to go though, so I'm totally looking forward to that. :D
I'm sort of wondering how long this whole partner thing is gonna last. If there's four teams per chapter made of two Angels, and there's twenty-four of them, that takes...too much math. But anyway, the sooner we get down to a lower number the better. It'll be easier to determine who's going to win that way. :D
Iris is kind of worrying me now. If she can't die, she has to win! *GASP* Is SHE the cheater? I mean, she's gotta die SOMEHOW otherwise it's totally unfair...bleh. Anyway, her powers are super cool, and she seems pretty badass. I'm sad that Dallas and Nic died, but...their deaths were colorful, so that completely makes up for it. :D
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the next update. This is seriously exciting for me. :D
| CacoethesScribendi17 chapter 4 . 10/9/2012
well damn! that was fast! i wouldn't last 5 seconds in that arena!
| theonetrueblue chapter 4 . 10/9/2012
So, this was clearly based off of the Hunger Games series.
Bad first move.
When you're writing original fiction, you can't just grab massive parts of someone else's creation and run with it. Make your own rules, world, and arena. This isn't different enough from the Hunger Games. You even have the interview process, and 'choosing bowl' as direct copies.
If you wanted to take it as inspiration, and instead have an arena story with 'angels', you need to change a LOT of things. It's far far far too close to the Hunger Games, where you could have just made your own games, or whatever you want to call them.
Apart from that, I had a few other issues...
Firstly, you need to edit this for grammar points a lot. If you're not good with grammar, get a friend or beta reader to do it for you. It makes a lot of things really unclear, and makes everything clumsier. It also takes away a bit of the 'polish' of your story, it makes it seem tacky and rushed, because it's obvious you haven't put any thought into cleaning it up for grammar.
Secondly, the descriptions and introductions of these characters were done poorly.
I don't remember a single name, (besides 'I'ma Noying',) and nor do I remember their descriptions and personalities, because there are too many of them, and you introduced all of them like this:
[ description: age, name, hair, skin, wings, eyes, clothing, height, etc. ]
[ interview: family/no family, attitude, reason, sob story, kingdom, angel type. ]
It's just one massive infodump, and those never go well. Ever.
Introduce them slowly.
Does it really matter if we don't know that so-and-so stands at five feet tall, has amazingly pretty hair, has a sister, a really bad attitude, and her eyes are silvery? I can tell you right now, that no matter how much description you put in, no one is going to see the exact same thing, and very few people will remember what the characters all look like, or how they behaved in their interview.
Not to mention that the interview itself served no purpose other than to imitate the Hunger Games, and information dump.
Thirdly, I'm thinking logic. I realise you haven't gotten far into the actual fighting yet, but here are some thoughts you might want to keep in mind BEFORE you start writing again.
So, they're in an arena of sorts, and it appears to have a lot of forestation.
How's that going to work out for all these long haired people that no doubt like being pretty? It's going to get caught if they leave it out, people could grab hold of it in a fight and gain an advantage, it's going to get mangled and knotted, and if they have common sense, every last one of them with long hair will grab something sharp and cut it off.
How are they going to survive, food and shelter-wise? Have they spent years learning how to survive, how to fight, how to murder without remorse, and which plants are going to kill them, (or their opponents)? If not, why on earth have they decided to jump into the Hunge- sorry, Angel Games?
I'd warn you to think about the actual repercussions of chopping a HAND off. Try living with the use of just one hand for an hour or so. In a situation where you're in extreme pain, bleeding heavily, and having to survive in those conditions... yeah, realistically, that girl shouldn't live very long.
Because you have so many characters, you're rushing a lot of things that shouldn't be rushed.
All of the characters are fairly unrealistic. Most, (if not all,) of them have a big old sob story, and they've got personalities that are Mary Sue classics. I honestly believe I've seen the exact kind of character several times over of every single character you have in here. Yes, I realise you allowed people to submit their characters to you, but I'll tell you right now that it was probably not the best idea.
I'd guess you're probably still pretty young, and I'm sure you'll improve with age and experience, so I wish you luck. This particular project however, is not done particularly well, and I'd actually recommend starting over, make your OWN arena, introduce the characters through their interactions in the arena, not through an interview, have less characters, and edit for grammar. Arena stories can be amazing, but they have to be original, and this one isn't. Likewise, stories with a massive character base can be amazing, and we can all hope that our favourites survive, and feel shocked and horrified when they don't, but I don't think you're quite prepared to write a story with twenty four main characters that are all ultra special.
I wish I could have made this review longer and more specific, but I'm in a hurry at the moment.
Best of luck with future writing.
| KayMacD chapter 4 . 10/8/2012
This story is freaking awesome. Every week I just can't wait for you to update. It's so nerve-wracking.
Partners? That idea is so epic! At first I was wondering if they weren't allowed to kill their own partners, but...Marcelene kinda answers that question. Ash's power was. so. AWESOME. It's a shame he had to die. I have a feeling he would've been hella badass.
I love seeing how the characters react with each other. And I can't wait to see how the rest of the characters react (*cough* mine *cough*). I kinda thought there'd be a massive killing at the beginning like in the Hunger Games (which would eliminate a lot of characters straight off) but I guess that would ruin the fun for their creators.
Anyways, pleeeaaase update soon, I just can't stand it...
| FireFlyAnn95 chapter 4 . 10/8/2012
Love it. I like how so far only one set of Angels truely trust each other and even then that a;n't be complete true.