|Reviews for Transcend (Season One)|
| Kazulous chapter 2 . 11/21/2012
Heya, Kaz here.
Ah, the waking up in bed scene. While it's been done to death, I suppose it'd be unfair to base a story on the first few paragraphs. However, I think that the waking scene might deter readers simply from the lack of tension and interest these scenes tend to produce (Unless a flying toaster woke him up or something, lol.). Reading previous reviews I noticed this has been pointed out, but I thought I'd add my two cents onto the bandwagon.
I think Lukas's characterization could be better, considering this is the first chapter. Since he is the protagonist I know I'm supposed to sympathize with him, but I'm more interested in Icky (Heh, gotta say, that nickname is classic. Loved it.) and Vanessa, because they stand out much more with their quirks and mannerisms, while Lukas comes off as a disinterested and absent-minded individual with immense potential power (that equates to curb stomping two of the best in the class), but he'd probably much rather it fester and rot away so he can watch birds peck at the gymnasium windowsill.
But I do appreciate that there are redeemable qualities in his character, like where he'll step in and try to remedy a dangerous situation or appreciate the bonds he has with his friends, suggesting that he is loyal and possesses the courage to act (if he wasn't so lazy).
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that he seems like a protagonist that doesn't have the desire to strive towards something; he's content to just let the day dictate his actions, simply because the day doesn't pose much of a threat for him in the first place. This became evident when the conflict of the chapter surfaced, and Lukas solved it all in a matter of seconds. ('Boom Pow, whats next? I didn't even have to use my weapon to take you down!') Perhaps they could've given him a run for his money, a 'consequence' for interrupting their duel. Right now it feels like whatever he wants is done without much in the way to truly oppose him.
I like how smooth your prose flows. Its very easy to read the chapter despite its length, which I think is a good thing. It was nice to be able to sit through and read your story without interruption.
I thought the Rei-Ki concept was interesting, how the power is based on the soul and all. I just hope Lukas isn't a Type-D in hiding, cause along with immense power he's also a rare type?...
Good luck with this story Bene, I'll be sure to read some of the later chapters when I can. There are some interesting themes, but I felt some of the things that were meant to make Lukas a sympathetic character were simple shows of power, which I felt made light of the potential impact of the plot.
| Tanaka Suaderi chapter 14 . 11/20/2012
Wow that was really cool how did he do that?
| bradpara chapter 12 . 11/18/2012
Very Well Done.
| FujikoIzu chapter 18 . 11/18/2012
Not too bad :) and my chapters are WAY shorter than that. Then again, I am lazy...and I'm writing two stories at the same time :P so yeah. Anyway. Great work, as usual. Keep it up!
Will say this though. You could make it easier for yourself by putting more descriptions in around the conversations.
| FujikoIzu chapter 16 . 11/18/2012
This is gooood. I am liking the dark side of Lukas! Sorry I took so long to read this but I've been busy on my ...I have a re-release coming up :/ I am a crappy fan! Anyway looks like you've got a lot of support recently so WELL DONE and keep it up 3
| Forgotten Walk chapter 18 . 11/17/2012
Hey Just to let you know i prefer the longer ones but if you update more often with shorter chapters then i think ill like this new way better anyway keep up the good writing.
| Lurtonx chapter 18 . 11/16/2012
Great chapters the Ikusa battles are really good I also really love Lukas and Courtney's relationship. I am curious about Lukas rage outb before though I thought it would appear for sure during that monster attack but it didn't. It seems like Merideth and Mayko are gonna train Lukas now I can't wait to see that . Sorry if I haven't reviewed in a while I haven't checked my email in weeks
| Kisho chapter 3 . 11/16/2012
Kyaaa it's just getting better and better with every chapter, nya TuT
(every looong chapter xD)
Lukas is just *so* *cool* ;;v;; That match against Misayo, uwaahhh ;v;
Zayn and icky were pretty cool too, but I like the match between the girls, nya, I love Vanessa's and Courtney's relationship hehe cx
And speaking of character relationships pfffft Lukas's and Courtney's and Natalie's is the best xDD So adorableee ;w;
But nyah, cool developments, too, with Lukas's drive... and not to mention the weird dreams, so coool ouo
... well, got some more time to read but now it's off to class, so yush, another great chapter, nya -v-b
| CookieEater101 chapter 18 . 11/16/2012
Lazy to login. XD
I wonder what Lukas is up to now with Mere-chan and Mayo-chan..
Omg! Courtney! Get off him! Luna will be mad! So do I!
Make the next chapter 17k! This is a challenge. Are you up to it?
| Ryou Arubin chapter 2 . 11/15/2012
*Whew* The length could very well be a TV episode.
Let's start off with some general comments. It really felt like I was watching a TV episode after I finished reading. Your writing style indeed suits this story and the way you are splitting each chapter into an episode.
Now onto the story. It's very unique and probably the first time I have seen a writer writing an "episode" instead of a chapter. This "episode" concept may not appeal to some writers, but for someone who has watched dozens of anime episodes, I am pretty fine with it.
I agreed with some reviewers that the start (not referring to the italics) is pretty generic and overdone, but it lets me get a good feel of how your writing style is like.
"Kneelt on the floor," - small spelling error.
The introduction of the cast and the interactions between them came off great and natural to me. I liked the interaction between Lukas and Courtney best. Leaves me wondering why did Lukas said to Courtney that she's been pretty sad lately.
Speaking about interactions, I am a little picky about the lack of punctuations, especially in the dialogues. While it sounded quite natural in some, there were a few instances where you could afford to put a comma. Like the one below.
"I don't know she just bumped into me." - you could put a comma or full stop after "know".
Not sure if this is the best example, but the general point is there. I didn't see any other reviewers mentioning about this, so I guess it's just a pet peeve of mine.
Zayn exclaimed pointing to the food scattered on their side. - you could put a comma after "exclaimed". And also, there were a few instances where the sentence pattern was similar to this and you didn't put a comma.
"I think you've been pretty sad lately." Lukas stated abruptly. "But I'm sure you'll love this school." - Same, there were several instances where you put a full stop. It should be a comma instead.
Skipping on to where Lukas was explaining about his Rei-ki. (Once again, am going to reiterate what other reviewers had mentioned since I agreed with them.) It was awkward and like others said, it was as if Lukas was addressing the readers about it.
Fast forwarding to the scene in the gymnasium. The introduction of Misayo and the explanation about Rei-ki was fine. But while Misayo was inspecting Lukas, you suddenly mentioned about Ben swallowing his gum and it's forbidden to eat inside the gymnasium. To me, it was totally random/out of nowhere and threw me off a little. As a result, it disrupted the flow and in my opinion, the story won't be affected if you omitted that whole part out. (In short, it doesn't add much to the story.)
The action scene was probably the highlight of this episode. Very nicely done.
I chuckled quite a bit at the last scene. Even though she only had a few lines, Natalie had easily became my favourite character.
Sorry if I am acting too critical and harsh. But the execution was great and you laid out everything very nicely. Keep it up :)
| Tanaka Suaderi chapter 13 . 11/15/2012
Wow that ending was a cliff hangar cant wait to read the next! Oh and this one was a little short, or maybe i'm just reading faster!
| Tanaka Suaderi chapter 12 . 11/14/2012
I liked it butt earlier I said I thought lukas was type-d and you said "cant make him too special" then who will be type-d an enemy or a friend?
| Kevin Reaves chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Hmmi didn't really like this summary for two reasons
One: Its a exposition dump of details. Just tell us information as the story goes on. I have no idea what Rei-Ki is so I was confused...
Two: Using a prologue to explain things isint a very smart idea.
Sorry I'll continue reading though.
| Kisho chapter 2 . 11/13/2012
Oh gosh I love thisss ;v;
Kinda slow in the first half but I really love where it went from there, nya, your characters are all fuuuun and I love the way you're developing the group with Lukas and Zayn and Vanessa and icky by bringing Courtney in x3
Plus her total crush on Lukas is just adorable xD
... Natalie is super cute too xDDD
And omigosh Lukas soooo cooolll in the middle part uwah *q*
... okay okay okay I'd better shut up now I could fangirl over this for thousands of words so I'll quit xDD
Looking forward to when I have more time to read more of this, nya cx
| Tanaka Suaderi chapter 9 . 11/13/2012
Holy Misayo I thought she was normal.