wow. I really enjoyed this so far. Good story lines, update soon.

Just a little typo maybe : [if had been breathing] if he had been breathing ?

I like the fact that this starts with nothing but a conscious that tries to determine the boundaries of its existence, only to find out that it is actually in an egg. I however think that this "first breath" is far too easy, for some reason, in my opinion, a first breath is full of pain due to the lungs being used for the first time. The light is too bright since the eyes were never subjected to light. The ground is too hard due to the body always being floating.

"Dungeons and Dragons" actually came back in my mind once he was revealed to be a dragon, I had the strangest mental picture : A sixteen year old boy stuck in a dragon's body... in a SadoMasochist dungeon! (Twisted mind of mine.)

Anyway, good chapter, I filled the description of the outside voice with the very archetypal description of an old chinese lady with gold earrings, a long pipe and a red scarf (is that even a valide cliché?).

Let's see where it leads! Keep up the good work!

Opening - not exactly the most original of introductions, but it was still quite interesting. However, maybe you'd have to adjust the first few words of your sentence because starting with a person's name can be quite tedious.

Dialogue - it's generally alright yet it doesn't sound completely...normal? Does that make sense? On the whole however, it's fine and I wouldn't worry about it too much. The last words Zack says sound rather realistic.

Writing - I think the writing fits in well with the situation. It manages to portray the surreal situation in a way that also transmits Zach's voice well.

Ending - I suppose a good point to end the chapter, and the last sentences were good. Very enjoyable to read!

Side notes - It's a little strange to have "{ }" in order to express thoughts and it detracts a bit from the flow of the story. I'd suggest to remove them.

Additionally, don't keep changing from Zack to Zachary; it can be irritating and could be confusing.

You might want to avoid the overuse of commas.

What I liked:

"He tried to speak; he couldn't. He tried to move again; he still couldn't." - this repetition has a nice rhythm and it fits in well

"Zack's isolation came to an abrupt end as he tumbled out of his prison—like a kid rolling down a grassy hill—and felt his whole world become flooded with sensation: with sound and air and light and smell and touch and wetness and taste and breath and slime and cough and every other feeling that he could have ever imagined—and more." - a long sentence can usually be long and generally mind boggling, but this describes the situation well.

Well,it's safe to say I was NOT expecting that. My mind is reeling from shock, dude. Woah. Following!

I just want this to be on your review count. I'm a fan. And thank you, thank you for editing my stuff! You are an amazing person.

I liked this sentence. "Spell!? What do you think this—Dungeons and Dragons?!" From your summary I thought it was excellent foreshadowing of events to come.
The ending was good-after reading it a couple of times. It tells what's happened but subtly.

I liked the intro of this story because it has a confused character. He has no clue where he is or how he got there so that caught my interest. I disliked this chapter because I am still half confused, is Zack the dragon or he is the rider? Is he falling from the sky or losing altuide? It leaves me with too many questions. UPDATE SOON!