I won't be satisfied with Jaynem's fate unless it involves him realizing what an asshole he is or him dying in the least dignified way possible. Why couldn't the flamethrower have hit him instead?

Not gonna lie, this chapter kind of made me want to be a dragon. Hm...but maybe not in Gherahjia.

[Also: {words} denotes characters' PERSONAL THOUGHTS, while «words» denotes TELEPATHIC COMMUNICATION.]

This is very confusing. Putting brackets and other things are like using dialogue tags other than the standard 'said'. You draw attention to them rather than to what's being spoken. I can see that using italics might be a bit confusing if they're also being used for personal thought, so why not just have the telepathic communication in italics, and standard prose 'he thought' for thoughts? It seems that you're already doing that anyway in the text, so it's very redundant to draw that much attention on something you're already pointing out.

To the story itself.

Starting with the character waking up is cliche...unless done differently. Here, I can see the reason behind it. It isn't just a tedious list of a character's day, but what's not familiar that sets it off.

Zach's sensory overload (or lack thereof) is nicely done, but wow, the semicolons are being abused here. It's not a sign of sophisticated writing.

Some of Zach's panicked ramblings are a bit overkill, like here:

[«Spell!? What do you think this is, Dungeons and Dragons?! Please, what in god's name is going on here! I was just taking a nap on the couch, and then I found myself here—wherever "here" is! Has something happened to me? Have I been kidnapped? Where are my parents? Please, I need—»]

Simplification and directness is the key. This is something I'd expect of him to think internally if he's able to, while keeping it very short verbally. Something like 'Spell? what the fuck are you talking about?' sounds more raw and to the point that explaining why he's there and how impossible it is to cast spells.

Other than that, nice!

[ accompanied by a frilly thing that went around his waist] I can just HEAR the scorn in those italics.

I suppose calling this a parody explains why this story can have a character as unbearably asinine as Jaynem, but it doesn't make him any less infuriating. Though I suppose if that's what you're going for it's a good thing. I'm still intrigued as to where this is going so it's keeping me reading.

[Zach had found that making lists helped him to feel more "in control" of the things that were happening to him] I am the exact same way!

[linked or whatever to that asshole?] Ss soon as Jaynem came on and started talking I knew he was an asshole! :3

The whole note about what the baby crocodile sounded like seemed a little unnecessary to me. You can't stand to leave anything to the audience's imagination, can you? I can see you're a control freak. But I think it works.

Truthfully I'm not sure how this is supposed to be a parody so far, and unless you had said it I wouldn't have guessed it. Except maybe how it's following the archetype plot of dragon-rider stories, but I get the feeling that was on purpose. But I really liked this chapter.

Rude awakening indeed. I love Zachary's reaction during the whole ordeal, and that he is actually frightened and confused. Considering that he might be in even more trouble than he is now, if I were him I would go look for that woman who cast the spell. I can't wait to see where he has landed.

Well, I would not have done what Zach did, what I would have done was bared my teeth and extended my wings to their fulll height, and draw myself up to my full height as well, staring down Mognanonn like the under-dog, err, dragon he is.

Anyway, really awesome chapter! Can't wait to read more!

Really liked the dialogue between the Prince and the Dragon Master, and, of course, Zach the Dragon's as well!

I was LOLing as I read of Zach's 'escape' throughout the room! Awesome chapter!

You know, this makes me want to become a dragon really bad! (Honestly, Dragon's are my favorite creatures!) This story is going into my favorites in three, two, on - DONE!

Though I don't see why you think this story is silly. For someone claiming that this is a silly story, this is really well thought-out!

Ok, enough of my blather, err, writing-spam, OFF WITH MY HEAD, err, BRAIN! On with the show!

Wow haha . . . This has some very good suspense. Let's see. . . there is almost nothing I would change. In fact, nothing, it's great. It is quite fun how the mind of a 16-year-old is depicted in such an. . . odd situation. I can't wait to read more!

This is just a personal preference but the author's notes a the beginning seem unnecessary to me. I guess it's because anytime I hear the author talking it kind of breaks the submersion I feel from the story, like it reminds me that what I'm reading was constructed by another person. The revision history also seems unnecessary, but I guess for some people, such as the people who made suggestions for revision, it would matter.

[that would have made a scared kitten look brave by comparison.] for some reason this comparison irritates me.

[an angry lawnmower flicking pieces of hay up into the air] I absolutely love this metaphor!

[It was bad enough that he was confused, scared, and probably delusional, but he had to be tiny, too?] hahaha!

This story should be interesting. I'll definitely keep reading.

["Now, as to your question," he continued, "the royal wizards cast a spell on you while you slept, forcing your body to age, and grow. Your body is about a year older."

"Happy birthday, Goznem," Jaynem added, with a sneer, using the name that he had decided upon for his dragon—however, Zach didn't immediately recognize it as such. Once again, the young dragon was too busy fretting over his body's most recent changes to notice what was happening around him.] These two paragraphs can probably be combined into one (IMO). The first section of dialogue isn't really long enough to merit its own paragraph.

[...by the ace of his still-sore mind.] I think you mean ache, rather than ace?

[Mental panting broke up his telepathy...] Mental panting? Isn't "panting" the act of not having enough breath? Just seems like an odd phrase to me.

[{What? Dragon hatchlings don't give themselves their names, let alone such a strange one!} Jaynem thought, somewhat confused—but he didn't show it.] This goes back to something I touched on a couple of reviews ago. If you are going to write from Zach's perspective, stick with it through the chapter and try not to jump into the minds of other characters. If you do want to switch to Jaynem's mind mid chapter, put in a page break and switch fully over to him.

You really don't need the switches though; they don't add anything to the story that you couldn't have achieved from a single viewpoint.

[You have scales, a tail, claws, horns, fangs a snout, and wings. You are a wingèd lizard. Since when has that qualified as being human?] lol solid argument.

I am curious, in chapter 2(3?) when Jaynem is introduced, it is said that he is cruel, yes, wily, yes, but he never loses his cool. In actuality though, Jaynem has seemed to lose his shit in every scene he has been in. He hardly seems like the type of person who always keeps a level head.

[Fed up with his lizard's demeaning displays...] Here lizard, lizard, lizard... Funny to think of Dragons as lizards. I dig it.

["What do you take me for, an ordinary nobleman? In case you have forgotten, my dear Samirol: my dragon—Zach, as you insist that I call him—he is the most powerful dragon ever born in Gherahjia. Fitting, considering that it is my destiny to become the greatest ruler that Gherahjia has ever seen.] With his brutality, his arrogance, and his naivety, Jaynem reminds me of Jeoffrey from George RR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. A good combo if you want him to come off as a douche (which I assume you do).

[{And, if he fails, I still get to watch his execution.} Jaynem sighed fondly at the thought.] above point proven.

Entertaining chapter, probably my favorite of the story so far (though that is debatable with the one where Zach wrecks Jaynem's room).

Remember that everything I am pointing out is small detail or opinionated. It is hard to find any large missteps or typos to critique in your writing; it is very well done.

As always, best luck writing.

-Infected

In today's review of chapter four we will examine the use, or overuse, of dashes and hyphens. You have a firm grasp of your standard writing conventions, but just because you can use something doesn't mean that you should. For example, you use ten dashes (not hyphens) in your first six paragraphs alone, and continue to use them with a similar frequency for the rest of the chapter.

Dashes can be used to indicate an interruption, as a substitute for “it is, “they are,” etc, or as as substitutes for parentheses. Most of yours seem to be used in the context of the third option.

[The guards dropped Zach onto the straw-covered stone floor of his stall—back where he had regained consciousness earlier this morning.] Here, your dash functions as a parentheses. It could be easily rewritten as such: "The guards dropped Zach onto the straw-covered stone floor of his stall (back where he had regained consciousness earlier this morning)." Is it correct? Sure. Is it necessary? Absolutely not. When writing fiction (IMO) you should use parentheses sparingly, if at all, as it tends to draw the reader out of the story. Besides, as readers, we don't need to be reminded that this particular stall is the one he awoke in earlier. You have only mentioned one stall before now and considering that you say "his stall" I think we can make the connection. Trust in your reader's intelligence.

[Minutes of silent stillness had passed, waiting for nothing, in the stall—{My stall,} Zach had to remind himself—before the veil of numbness blanketing his thoughts finally broke open.] This is an instance where I don't mind the dash. It serves as an interjection in the sentence where a parentheses would seem out of place.

[Dry wood beams—supporting the walls—went from the back wall to the ceiling, high, high above.] This just sounds awkward and besides, we don't need to be told that vertical wooden beams support walls (though in reality, wouldn't they support the ceiling?)

Your chapter continues to use dashes in a similar fashion, but I think you get the point I am trying to make, and if I keep quoting instances it's kinda like beating a dead horse. Moving on (but first, one more).

[He was smart enough to realize that, whatever was going on, it wasn't going to be possible for him to escape it—at least, not yet.] Replace dash with comma.

[Wait… does that mean… oh, god, I hope it doesn't.] God Should be capitalized, regardless of his religious preferences.

[When Zach had been little—and, still human—he'd enjoyed staring at his bare toes as he played with the muscles in his feet, trying to move his toes individually, like he could his fingers.] Haha yes! I love this.

[Zach's mind flashed back to a memory he had of a movie he had seen a few years back—or was it a book? Anyway, it had had a boy, and the boy had found a dragon. Once they had learned to work together as a team, they went off to fight evil and what-not.] Nice reference

[«I… I think I'm in a different place—a different world. I went to sleep at my house in San Francisco—as a human—and I woke up here, as a dragon.] He knows that he is in a quasi-medieval fantasy world...why would he assume that a random Dragon would have any clue what/where San Francisco is?

When Zach ravenously devours the pork slab, I can only assume that it is his dragon characteristics coming out a bit. It's only been a day or two AT MOST since he ate last. I have fasted for over a week before and I can tell you that even after that, I would not have jumped up at the idea of eating a slab of raw pig that had been dragged through straw and dust. I just feel that, if he is still the human in mind and heart, the idea of eating this uncooked slab of dirty meat would revolting to say the least. If his dragon instincts are starting to filter into his own personality though, then this would be completely justified.

[Strands of muscle and splatters of gooey, coagulating blood stuck to his snout like spaghetti and tomato sauce.] For the record, I loved this line.

As always, happy writing and best of luck.

-Infected

Your story is…very, very good. Most, if not all of your spelling and convention errors seem to have been worked out by this point and your overall story flows nicely, at least what I have read so far. Because of this, anything I comment on will be largely opinion oriented or very small, nitpicky details. Just a heads up before I start.

[Spell!? What do you think this is, Dungeons and Dragons?!] I have to say that I loved this line. Your first chapter/prologue as a whole was very well done. It was really fascinating to see an entire chapter done without a setting. Not without descriptions or surroundings but literally without SETTING. It felt kind of like reading a stream of consciousness.

I really had no complaints; nothing really jumped out to bother me. Everything that I expected Zach to think of, or everything that I would imagine myself thinking of in his situation you covered. Am I dead? Check. Am I in Hell? Check. The only assumptions he didn’t jump to that I think I would have were: “Am I dreaming?” and/or “Am I in Purgatory.” In fact, Purgatory probably would have made more sense than Hell, considering that it is usually defined as an empty limbo state (IMO).

Other than that, no complaints. I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Now on to chapter two.

[Though Zach didn't know it, the guy was just an ordinary stable-hand.] This, and the succeeding paragraph, seem out of place to me. Until this point, and after this point until the following chapter (excepting one more paragraph) everything is told from a third person limited point of view centering on Zach. IMO, these paragraphs are unnecessary. We don’t need to know that the man is a stable hand or that he is used to dealing with dragon hatchlings. Let us stew in Zach’s confusion. Let us wonder where he is being taken. All of these questions are answered right off the bat in the following chapter anyways.

Which brings me to the following chapter, WHICH I LOVED. I love the mental image of a terrified baby dragon rampaging around the prince’s room. I love how callous and cruel you made the prince. I love the idea of the egg being incubated in the prince’s blood, which was a really good addition. [{Right before they took the executioner's axe to their necks!} the Prince thought, with icy glee.] Great line. That being said…

I have two issues with this chapter.

[A tall, serious-looking teen with hair red like dragons' fire, Jaynem's every motion was filled with quiet superiority. ] Firstly, there are no “teens” in medieval words. “Teen” was a phrase coined in the early 20th century, as was the teenage mentality which didn’t come around until the 1920s. In the medieval era, there were children, and men or men grown (or women to keep this gender correct). You were considered a child until you “came of age,” be that thirteen, fourteen, sixteen, or whatever the “coming of age” age is for your invented world.

Now, I don’t write parody or comedy, and if you are fine with having some contemporary prose in your story then by all means leave it. But to me, if you really want to emphasize the contrast between Zach and this new world he is in, you should keep the contemporary diction and ideas to Zach, and keep everything else archaic sounding, as you did with Hezo’s dialogue in chapter two.

Uuuhhh, yeah. That’s my opinion on that. Moving on to my second point.

I am slightly confused on how big Zach’s dragon body is. Hezo seems to carry him cradled in his arms with no problem, which would imply, to me, that he is not much larger than an averaged sized cat. During his fearful rampage though, he is knocking over wardrobes, smashing tables, breaking shit, and generally just causing mad destruction.

[Stretching its body out vertically, parallel to his own, the guard wrapped his arms about its forelegs and wings—pressing the flight appendages close against the dragon's body—and wrapped his legs around its hind legs, holding its tail steady between his knees. The shorter guard put the nook of his elbow around the dragon's neck.] This, and the destruction he causes indicates to me that he is significantly larger than initially portrayed; at the very least, the size of a, say, pit-bull or similarly sized dog.

This just seems like a slight inconsistency to me. As I said at the start of my review: nitpicky stuff. Never the less, it is stuff that I actively think about when I am reading your story, and if I am, perhaps someone else, somewhere out there, is as well.

I will drop you another review a couple of chapters further when I get the time to read more.

Until then, best of luck to you and your writing.

-Infected