Spelling/Grammar: I feel like you jinxed yourself with your last two revision notes... ;)
And so, the Royal Wizards implemented experimental procedure...
-implemented an experimental procedure

his jaw-boned bruised
-jaw bone? Honestly I'm not sure if that's all you're saying here or if there's something I'm not reading properly but thought I'd point it out as a potential typo.

...as the two of palace guards marched into the room.
-Looks like you switched between 'two of the' and 'the two' palace guards.

...position himself like a bear-trap waiting to be sprung.
-Could be positioning or positioned.

...into the pinkish flesh of the dragon's pallet.
-palate

...each could feel the dancing rambles of the other thoughts
-other's

...the Link submerged itself along line where conscious thoughts faded into subconscious knowings.
-'along the line' or 'along lines'?

Writing: I'm curious why you use so many hyphenates. There are many places where I don't think the phrases should be hyphenated so it seems deliberate but I don't see the intended effect. I mean, just in the stuff I quoted above as edits, there are two that don't need to be hyphenated. Bear trap and jaw bone don't need hyphens to be understandable phrases. Is this a relic of your word processor? Or personal taste?

Pace/Characterization: On one hand I like what you're doing here, making the last three chapters happen in a relatively short amount of time. So far the story progression has felt very natural and that's always a good start. The only thing that worries me a little is Zach's draconic prowess. Remember this kid just woke up as a dragon like an hour ago. Maybe. He's very coordinated and competent, not to mention he put up an awfully big fight for an infant previously stated to have muscles weak from being unused; that's not something he could shake off so quickly. That tested my suspension of disbelief a bit, but overall I think you've kept the story realistic to the time scale you're working with.

Enjoyment: My nitpicks aside, I like what I've read so far. You've obviously put a lot of thought and effort into this. You've developed a complex story and overall communicated it well. I'm not completely invested in it yet, but I think that's because I haven't been well introduced to the main character(s?) yet. I know who they are and have a good idea where this story will take off from here, but I don't know much about Zach's feelings and dreams, etc. I'm fine with that, though. This arc has served a bit like the pilot episode of a tv series: I know the characters, setting, and overall direction but there's plenty I can still learn if I tune in next week...

Hummed Scott McKenzie's San Francisco the entire time I read this chapter because of the title. Not really sure why, haha.

Spelling/Grammar:
if Jack had been the giant, that is..
-Punctuation: not sure if this is meant to be an ellipsis or if you just have 2 periods here.

...let in plenty of sunlight into...
-You could omit 'in' since you already have 'into'. It's a bit redundant to say both, but you can't say it without into.

His paws were clawed and four "fingered"...
-four-fingered should be a hyphenate. Will probably look interesting with the quotation marks but it should be that way since it's a complete phrase together but doesn't mean the same otherwise.

a dragon that had jut hatched from its
-just

Techniques: I noticed in this chapter you switched from focusing purely on Zach's actions and thoughts to a more inclusive point of view. Admittedly, I'm more a fan of limited third, but for the most part I thought you were successful here. It wasn't particularly jarring when you switched to the stablehand, so in that sense I think it worked. There were a couple off-hand bits of narration that threw me off, though, like 'Though Zach didn't know it, the guy was just an ordinary stable-hand.' In that case it's information that doesn't seem to be attributed to Zach OR the stablehand, so it presents an uncomfortable moment when I have no idea who is explaining things to me. I understand the statement plays an important part in bridging the two perspectives, but it uses information on both sides that the other does not know so that presents the possibility of a third character who only speaks a couple times and knows all, when the rest of the chapter seems to jump around and remain limited perspective when in the head of whoever is up. Does that make any sense? I'm terrible at explaining things sometimes.

Ending: Something about this didn't wow me. I'm not sure why but it didn't leave the impression of a complete ending when I finished it. I read on to your notes at the end and had to reread because I had forgotten where the story left off. It's not memorable and didn't leave me wanting to read on like the last chapter did. I'm not sure how to fix this except perhaps to expand to something more profound. I think Zach's thoughts are important for his character arc, but they lack the impact I like, sort of like the chapter just trailed off.

Writing/Plot/Other: Actually, now that I think of it, my overall disconnect with this chapter comes from a few of the things I've mentioned before now all adding up to a storytelling problem. As I said, there are times the narration becomes disembodied, and one case I remember from the first chapter is the statement that Zach coughed up the egg fluid. I mentally tagged that statement as odd (since before then he had been very slow to assess his situation but suddenly seemed to know EXACTLY what he was coughing up) but didn't say anything at first because I thought it was his realization of what was happening. This mistake in my interpretation makes the entire end of this chapter feel superfluous because the omniscient/disembodied narration effectively gave away the punchline: Zach just hatched from an egg. I like that you are trying to keep secrets from the reader and reveal things as the story progresses but I feel like the phrasing implies too much too soon. This has implications for your plot, characterization, and mood of the piece. I won't try to talk you out of third omniscient POV, but I urge you to tread very carefully with your wording of things.

Spelling/Grammar:
He wasn't in the living room of his parent's house.
-While it's totally possible at this point that he only has one parent (in which case I'd specify mother/father), I think you mean parents' here...?

He wasn't taking in the sight of broad blue waters of the San Francisco Bay...
-'sight of broad blue waters of the (...) Bay' feels awkward to me, like it's missing a word. I think it should be 'the sight of the' but that feels clunky. Perhaps rephrase this?

...and for who-knows how long
-The hyphen in who-knows makes me think this word choice is deliberate, but 'knows' is present tense compared to the past tense of the rest of the story and that threw me off for a second.

Plot: I like how you started this right as he woke up. When I was in uni I was always taught to start the story at the very last possible minute and I think you did that here. It puts the reader right in the moment with Zach, and stayed with him through those initial thoughts and feelings. I also thought you maintained a good clip throughout; this never felt bogged down in any one section.

Opening/Pace: My only suggestion in this aspect would be to start with a shorter first sentence. It's not a bad sentence, grammatically or anything, but it's complex and meandering in a moment when Zach is getting a BAM! wakeup call. I don't think it has as much of an impact as you might have with a short, matter-of-fact statement, to the effect of 'Zach woke up. Something was wrong. He expected...' Obviously not in those words, but that idea. Just my opinion, of course.

Scene: I'm a little confused about the whys of the very end of this chapter. Obviously in-story I'm not far enough to know much about Zach's situation, or any more than he knows, of course. But I got the impression from the woman that it was a really big deal that this transfer worked, inferring (to me) that this was important to her. Why, then, did she smash the egg so carelessly at the end? To me that felt weird because in my experience smashing an egg on the floor only damages the stuff inside. Not a good idea when you're invested in what's inside. Characterization-wise, I found the mixed motivations perplexing. Then again, there's the possibility I misinterpreted that whole ending, in which case the descriptions might need to be tweaked a little. There's always a good chance I'm dense, though, haha.

What can I say? Wonderful chapter, wonderful writing, wonderful description, great character introduction - you're probably one of my favorite authors on the site. Had to laugh at the ceremony mishap. I was sort of happy to see Jaynem get his feathers ruffled like that. :)

Ok you start off answering the Zach to the prince thing straight off, and I was thankful for that, but it left me wondering: Why is not having a dragon such a weakness? Then on the tails of that was wondering about if the dragon was bred specifically for him, and that was why he had to wait instead of getting any dragon that hatched.
So you give us a good idea of how the Prince is evil, even if only due to his up bringing. And that explains how a rebel would want to interfere with giving him a dragon that would be so easily manipulated. But then Why Zach? I think it's going to be a question that follows this, but I also have to wonder: Why not someone else from that world that would understand things better?
Ah so now you answer many of my questions, and that is good. I was starting to get worried that I might be left with too many questions. However you are doing well at keeping a good balance. And you give such a deep plot line in this that I can't think that this will be anything but a good story. A great ending to the chapter, and some very good hooks.

I think you did this chapter well, but it left me to think at the beginning. The instant I woke up I would be taking stock or my body, but Zach doesn't. Instead he focuses on what is in front of him, a tall man. Then he looks at where he is. He doesn't notice a change in his vision? He doesn't notice that he can swing his head around or that he doesn't have arms or legs anymore. After reading the start I had to stop and think of how I might act in his shoes, and I left with a "well, I guess".
So then the man holds Zach on his back. From owning chickens, I know that while this calms a chicken considerable it is still bad. There is a huge potential for the blood to pool and kill the chicken. While it can be used, it's not often, unless you are about the slaughter the animal anyway. Just something to keep in mind.
SO over all this is a good chapter, with the question of why he is being taken the the Prince the biggest hanging question. The organization of Zach's reactions seemed odd to me, but I could justify it after thinking about it. Still I think Zach would notice the vision sooner as it would be different due to the new eye placement. Maybe I am just over thinking this.

I loved the relation you made of the lump of coal, but instantly after I read it, the part about the volcano on him, I though of have you know bearing up on him, and had to make my own correlation. I would like to see that part touched on too.
So he talks about how he feels, but I saw a sad lacking of the heart. Can he feel his heart? I assume not because he can't feel himself breathing, but that was the next leap my mind went to. Can he feel his heart beat? Surely by this point he would be panicking, and his heart would be racing.
I was rather amazed that he didn't think he was dead sooner, and only though of it AFTER the woman speaks to him and says something about a spell. My thoughts would have been: dead, woman talks, must be dreaming or sucked into an alternate reality. So dream it is. Wake up!
Great hooking chapter here. It leaves a lot of unanswered questions, but still enough to kkep people wanting to read.

Hi, it's me again.

[It had been sixteen years since he popped out of his mother...]
I lolled. POP

[The Crown Prince had a striking appearance to him.]
It took me a second to figure out what this meant. It sounds like you're saying he feels he has a striking appearance. It's a little awkward, but doesn't necessarily have to be changed—especially because it's possible I'm imagining it.

Good job with this intro. I hate him already :D

[...their glorious destinies intertwined, forever more.]
Forevermore is one word.

[...power never-before seen in the history of Gherahjia.]
I wouldn't hyphenate that.

I like how much thought you put into the whole thing with the blood magic they were doing. As with most of your stuff, it has been thought out to the point that it's entirely believable with in context. Very good work.

[The Prince smirked ever-so-slightly.]
I wouldn't hyphenate this either.

[ He kept the blood-purple dragon steady in his arms as moved.]
As /he/ moved.

You switched perspectives quick in the big paragraph after that, but this time—just one, rapid-fire comment—it actually works. I don't know why it doesn't bother me this time but did the others. Don't know what to tell you XD

[...flawless white of the Prince's full military regalia—his casual attire.]
Ha ha ha, that parenthetical totally makes that description.

[...his jaw-boned bruised...]
That first d shouldn't be there.

[...metallic boots as the two of palace guards marched into the room.]
That should be "as two of the palace guards." Or so I think.

I just noticed this now. Isn't it a little weird for them to do this in the prince's bedroom? That doesn't really seem likely to me. Of course, it makes the mess Zach makes funnier. But still.

[...scanned the wild mess that was once the Prince's orderly room.]
"...that had once been the Prince's..." Your narration is in the past, so you need the pluperfect here.

[.. the somewhat-shredded carpet...]
I wouldn't hyphenate this. But as I have noticed in your reviews to me, we have a different standard on what should or shouldn't be hyphenated. You can probably ignore all my hyphenation comments, I guess...

[...position himself like a bear-trap waiting to be sprung.]
Positioning

[...trying to gain enough traction to dash off.]
I would use purchase instead of traction. And I'm not sure I like the parenthetical much, but I wouldn't know how to fix it.

[...but the guards kept him more-or-less still.]
Another thing I wouldn't hyphenate.

[And then, something extraordinary happened; to Jaynem, and to the dragon.]
I would write this "And then, something extraordinary happened, to Jaynem and to the dragon." That last part isn't a complete sentence, so it looks a little silly after a semicolon. You can do it as a parenthetical (with an em dash—you seem to like those too :D) as well.

[...the contrasting beats converged toward a new rhythm; a synchronization.]
Here's another parenthetical separated by a semicolon. I suggest a comma, if another em dash looks too weird.

[And power… they could feel each other's power merging along the ties of the Link, setting their bloods aflame with untold power.]
I think this sentence uses power one too many times XD

[All at once, his mind stormed with them: instantly re-filled with anger, pride, humiliation, pain, insult—and more.]
I would either replace the colon with a comma, or delete "instantly refilled with"

[T-tak]
You should put the e here. It's necessary for the pronunciation of that vowel.

[...blood from his wounds, and the heat of his fury.]
Consider removing that comma. I think it flows better.

[{Shouldn't he spend time with the dragon, to strengthen their Link?}]
I would either axe this, or say the same thing in simple narration. It feels weird—to me—as a thought.

Oh, by the way, it's Your Highness, not your highness.

[— — —]
I would remove this break.

[a—a freak accident]
I think this looks a little weird. I would do without the first a.

[Wanting a change of mood—wanting to return to the familiar tundra of his crystal clear mind, Jaynem turned his thoughts away from his wounded pride—away from that damnable little dragon.]
This sentence is a little awkward the way it is. The two em dashes make it look like the stuff between them is supposed to be closed. I would either turn them both into commas, or just the first one. Either way works.

[...his own, glorious future; the future of the Doshani Dominion—the future of Gherahjia itself.]
If you are going to use semicolons, that em dash should be one too. But I would suggest turning them into commas. Or! If you want to give them the break a semicolon or an em dash would, you could make them their own little mini-sentences. It would probably feel more powerful that way.

[And, as time would tell, the Prince was absolutely right about that.]
I was about to suggest deleting this, but in your tone it works. If you were writing something totes serious I would get rid of it, but you're safe XD

As I've probably mentioned, I feel you use power too much. While it is perfectly reasonable to use a word that fits the usage every time, it makes it sound a little uncreative. So it's not /necessary/ to add a little variety to your word choice, but I would consider it. Of course, you might be using power so much for magical reasons, and that's all internally consistent and acceptable then.

Overall, I like it. The narration departed slightly from the silly mood you had in the first two chapters, but the silliness of the subject matter was enough to make it work. You're really quite a good writer, and if you're not already proud of Shanghaied, you should be.

Sorry for being so slow. I'll try to get to these more often. :D?

A really short chapter, but that may work in its favor. I really like the way that you depict being unborn. I suppose being in the womb/egg is relaxing for a fetus with no spatial awareness or sense of time, but to have the mind of an adolescent and be put back in that position...

One thing I have to ask here: was Zach inside that egg for the entire gestation process, as in from conception to birth? Or was he transported in after the fetus would normally be capable of conscious thought? If the former (which from my understanding and his mentions that he has no physical sensations, it was), then damn.

really liking it , ;)
you write very well.

This was certainly an interesting dream sequence chapter. XD And by interesting I mean, dafuq did I just read, lol.

I'll admit, at first I thought this was something from the past and he was just reminiscing, but then when he started to change I figured it had to be a dream. *And then* when alien Zach walked in I was all, "o_o". That creepy dialogue, too. xD

["And I do it, gladly, my mother, my father. But should we not first tie the knot?"] LOLOL Dx

I liked the description of the city noises. It helped set the scene, however, the "right" and "left" of things really stood out to me in this chapter as it hasn't stood out before in other chapters. I can't be sure if this is because other chapters being longer I was more invested in things like action or whatnot, but I personally found it unnecessary. Some others may not have a problem at all, but maybe it's just because I never use it, so I find it odd. I guess I just thought, "what is the importance of right hand, left leg?" Anyway, that's my nitpick of the day.

[taking his nose along with them with them! And under the falling mask of black was mare of the gleaming mask of the tyrian hue.] Also this. "was mare of the gleaming mask"? I don't know what you mean there.

And I didn't know he had red hair when he was human, that's cute, lol.

Poor, lonely dragon Zach. The dream had to mean something. Hopefully it doesn't mean getting eaten. Maybe it means he's being replaced. Hmm. Anyway, awesome update! :D

Fang.

Excellent work! I'm captivated! Now... I must read more... :)

I like this chapter more than 8. Maybe that is because I like nightmare scenes so much. Please, please, please tell me that the dream was prophetic or symbolic in some way. Those are always fun.

There are almost no grammatical errors that stick out to me, so that's cool.

This one was short, and it is harder to review what someone did right as opposed to what was wrong. I'm waiting for the next one.

I like the baby dragons, especially Eenot. He even has a nasally voice. Mog should totally have been the Prince's dragon, they would have gotten along so well.

There are a few parts with words repeated unnecessarily close to each other, like,

"...his human mind couldn't detect any trace of emotion or personality in the stern, expressionless expressions that biology had permanently fixed on their reptilian "faces"."

This doesn't come up too often, but when it does it is distracting. That said, the idea that for dragons, telepathy is used to the point that it replaces expression is interesting. It makes me wonder if they have the ability to skip the 'word broadcast' and just go straight into memory projection.

[heels of his grey converses] Gah! D: The plural of Converse is Converse. I get a tad worked up about that for some reason.

The ellipse pun amuses me.

O.o Okay, I am distinctly freaked out by the whole "little dragon Zach getting eaten" thing. Good job.

This is a very short chapter and I'm not sure what else to say about it XD I look forward to the next update!