|Reviews for OmniQuest Book 1: In Death's Hands|
| Starsis chapter 3 . 12/8/2012
I liked this chapter! :D It was interesting!
| Starsis chapter 2 . 10/10/2012
:D I think it is pretty obvious what you'd do with a fishing rod! :D I loved this chapter, and that is really long! Good job, please update soon!
| Anxious Axolotl chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
Fantastic start, I loved how you started with fast paced action and dove into the plot right away. I hope all 6 book can be as fast paced and full of action, however I do think too much description was sacrificed in some parts of this. I was really curious as to what the demons looked like and also, it's very confusing as to where Xyfere and Charel are until about halfway through their conversation. I think it needs to be mentioned at the start of their conversation at least that they're in a hut. There were also a few other minor things I noticed while reading:
[He held his sword in both hands] [ He took out the shield and blocked the blow] I don't really see how this is possible, especially since he's 13, he's likely to be too small to have a shield on his back while carrying a two-handed sword and there's no-where else he could have practically kept it while both his hands were occupied.
[He tuck another swing] Should be 'took', also, be careful of which your/you're you use. ["Your awake!"] ["Your to weak], these should both be you're. You might want to consider finding a beta-reader to help you find things like these.
[She said in a whisper, even though all he could see was her and himself.] I think this needs rephrasing, I was a bit at a loss of what it meant.
["How do you know all this?" Xyfere asked.] ["Anyway, this used to be the site of an old kingdom, until the retched necromancers tore it up from the roots. My family was killed in the battle, but I survived after hiding in the beer cellar in the local inn." She replied.] I don't really see how that's an explanation for her knowing about the God of Necromancy, was he part of the attack? Did she uncover the truth by trying to get information about the attack? I think there needs to be a little more detail on the idea, because it's very interesting but so far there isn't really any explanation of how she knows about the God.
Overall, I really enjoyed it, but I think the chapter could stand to be a little longer and include a little more description. Hope you update soon!
| Starsis chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
I liked it! It was nice, and I cant wait for the next chapter! Also, it was written really well and it's awesome! :D
| BloodWillSpill chapter 1 . 9/18/2012
It looks good so far but I'd like to know why all this happening. Of course your story has just started so I'm just being impatient! Happy writing!
P.S. If you're planning a 6-book series, maybe you should consider actually publishing it. It just seems odd to me to have so much of your work open for grabs. But I'm a little paranoid so don't mind me :)
P.S.S. I hope you wouldn't mind if you checked out my story "The Glass Curse". Just like your story, I'd really like if you left a review. Tell me what you think! Peace.