Reviews for Paint it Red
scrubbybubbles chapter 1 . 9/30/2012
To start off with, I wanted to say that I did not think this story was moving slowly; I found it to be quite the contrary, actually. Although the story started plainly (in subject matter only), it allowed you, as the writer, to slowly build up your story until you got to the 'main action'. It also caught me, as a reader, off guard when Rikugou was 'betrayed' by her grandfather; it made the shift even more prodigious. Your attention to detail really set the mood for this piece, as well as creating a sharp image in the minds of the readers. I think that the characterization of your main character will create a nice contrast to what she will become later down the road (based on your summary). The story was deeply rooted in reality, which made the reader's connection to the piece even stronger. The cliffhanger was excellent and left the reader yearning for more. The flow of the piece was interrupted by a number of grammatical mistakes, however. Although many of them may seem inconsequential, I believe they have an enormous affect on the story-telling. The revised (and the original) lines are as following:

Revised- "with tremendous force" Original- "with an tremendous force"

Revised- "adding even more damage to the already water-stained wooden frames" Original- "adding more damage to the water-stained wooden frames"

Revised- "assumed that, at some point, the floor tiles" Original- "assumed, at one point, the floor tiles"

Revised- "The failed attempt at trying" Original- "The fail attempt of trying"

Revised- "wearing a tan rain coat" Original- "wearing tan a rain coat"

Revised- "shoved into the corner of the room right next to the entrance" Original- "shoved in the corner of the room by the entrance"

Revised (not exactly sure what you're trying to say here, but here's my best guess)- "The pouty little lips present on her face turned upward into an annoyed scowl" Original- "The mouthy little lips that graced its presence on her face turned upward, into an annoyed scowl"

Revised- "awful than the need to eat chocolate" Original- "awful than the want to eat chocolate"

Revised- "When Riku first entered the room, she was struck by how uninteresting everything looked. There were only a few lackluster paintings, in which only one looked even the slightest intriguing, and an unlit display case in the left corner of the room. Rikugou stepped towards the display case slowly, expecting to be disappointed. When she finally reached it and looked down, she was utterly amazed by the miraculous showpiece encased inside." Original- "When Riku first entered the room, she noted that it is anything but interesting. There were only a few paintings, one of only five that looked intriguing, but right in the center of the room was some type of glass case. Rikugou slowly stepped forward, her eyes flickering from left to right, only to settle on the miraculous showpiece inside."

Revised- "The blade was stained black and gleamed brilliantly; the metal was somehow devoid of any marks or scratches. The sword, in its entirety, was only 23 inches long, which was aomewhat shorter than that of the average. Its edge, however, was greatly dulled, which could only be expected from a sword as old as this one. The hilt was adorned with criss-crossed twine, overlapping each other several times, thereby creating" Original- "The black-colored blade, somehow was still gleaming brilliantly with almost no cuts on the metal. The whole thing was about 23 inches long, being shorter than some. It's edge seemed greatly dulled, but that was only logical. At the place where you held the sword was a criss-crossed twine. It overlapped each other several times, creating"

Revised- "floral pattern, presumably of sakura petals" Original- "floral pattern, presumed sakura petals"

Revised- "The sheath, which was situated next to the katana, was" Original- "The sheath, placed next to the katana was"

Revised- "Plastered to the glass" Original- "Plastered to the class"

Revised- "Rikugou shrugged it off, shortly becoming uninterested with the display within the next couple of seconds" Original- "Rikugou shrugged it off, shortly becoming uninterested within the next five seconds"

Revised- "Sleek and shimmering black hair pulled back into a simplistic pony-tail" Original- "Sleek, shimmery black hair pulled into a simplistic pony-tail"

Revised- "His face was blank and unconcerned" Original- "His face was blank, and unconcerned"

Revised- "compelling her to touch it. Without giving the matter too much thought," Original- "compelling her to touch. Without much thought to the matter,"

Revised- "The silence that spanned the next few minutes were almost unbearable" Original- "The silence that spanned over the five, extremely anxious minutes was almost ear splitting"

I hope you found this review to be helpful and I apologize that it's so incredibly long. I can't wait to see how you work the title into the story! And once again, great job!
Chromatic chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
Nice nice and I shall reward you for posting with a nice yummy long paragraph

Alright the main character, she seems interesting but I can't put anything else on that really. Need more things to happen for me to view her personality and the way she does thing. It was so nice of her gramps not to help her while she was getting sucked in *sarcasm* xD ahaha anyways I'm interested and I want the next chapter. Like where she lands, who she meets and what she does :) So don't procrastinate and get working when you're free !

That's it for now. I will faithfully stalk this story when I have the time :D
Marielle Chang chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
I suppose that Megami was the woman in the painting...Anyway update soon!
CharissaKarn chapter 1 . 9/20/2012
I WANNA READ MORE! :P ahah please write more! :D you have caught my attention! :D