Reviews for That Everlasting Flame
PotterPower chapter 1 . 2/24/2013
I love how short this poem is - not even 50 words, yet so meaningful. The imagery is amazing. The use of the word "kindred" is interesting, because it implies that water and fire are alike - both can destroy, but both can heal as well. Excellent word choice!
The theme of this poem is great. I like the way "an earth run bare" and the standing twig are so close; it's the survival of hope, even with a deadened earth. I don't understand the Monkey's Paw, though... Is it a reference? The last two lines end the poem nicely, and I like the use of the word 'mortal'. It seems as though the poem goes from immortal elements to mortal creatures. I also think it's interesting that the poem starts off describing destruction, and then there's a picture of a little surviving twig - but it ends once again in destruction. I think the poem is talking about humans - our own habits on the earth will destroy us, but even if we survive, we'll end up destroying each other.
Overall, it's an excellent poem. Good job :)
rust phoenix chapter 1 . 10/8/2012
Really interesting use of imagery in this piece! Like in your other writing, you continue to do an excellent job invoking various senses - the salt of the water, the light and the heat of the fre, the cold of the darkness... very well done details.

The flow of this piece is overall very strong, though the line "Flickering through darkness and air," seems to contain a few too many syllables, and might be more effective either broken up or slightly reworded.

The personification of the reed in this piece is interesting - I love how it has both a back and a head. I would be interested as to how this poem would read if you brought the reed into it earlier - I'm not sure if it would necessarily be better, though it might be interesting to experiment with. The imagery in this piece is already very strong, but having a main image continue through could make the theme more obvious - I'm not sure I would have known what the piece was about if not for your summary, although with the knowledge the summary provided, I think you expressed the feeling well.
Archia chapter 1 . 10/7/2012
I loved how the word choice gave it such a great overall feel to it, that I felt could actually be quite ambiguous. This doesn't even have to have a meaning, it just sounds nice. But it does have a meaning, which makes it all the more better. The one thing I didn't get though was the 'Monkey's Paw'. I think it's got something to do with something, but I just can't think of what it is. I really thought that last line added a lot more to it, and it was the perfect way to end.
dark-fire-rebel chapter 1 . 9/25/2012
What I liked about the poem was the word-choice that helped create a nice imagery. However, besides the nice structure and pretty imagery, I did not understand what it was about. I felt like it lacked some sort of descritption to further emphasize what it is you are talking about. Besides that you do have a nice way of choosing the precise words.
Dark-Fire
RinaJewelz chapter 1 . 9/23/2012
Thanks for the review :) and yeah, I guess I should maybe upload something new lol.
I liked the start of this piece because I thought it was interesting how you mention water and then 'kindred' flame. I didn't get it at first because it's so easy to thinknof them as opposites but then I realised you probably meant kindred elements.
I didn't really understand the Monkeys Paw reference, it made me think of Chinese years though.
I like the way you end the poem with a reference to a 'mortal head' as it made a nice contrast to the eternal elements theme. Another great poem :)
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 9/23/2012
I liked the word choices you used here, things like: "Kindred flame" "Salty waters" "Proud Reed" all of those choices makes for the descriptions to pop when I read them. It also helps with the reader understand the full scope of this mini world that you've created.

I didn't really like that the poem was so vague. I got a clear picture of the 'what' of the piece, but I'm not sure *why* you are describing it. It almost feels like this is the center stanza to a larger poem and I'm missing the beginning and the end, and that may be just because it's so short, but I feel like you could add a bit more.

I feel like I got to the end of the piece and said to myself, "oh, that was really pretty, but what was it about..."

Juliet.