|Reviews for Walking Along|
| Yuuenchi chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
Hello! Granted, it's not the most profound product to ever flow from the pen of an aspiring writer, but it has heart. I don't exactly know the context or circumstances behind this piece, but it sounds like a fine little ditty to walk to, a sort of nonsense song to lift burdens and cares -something a Hobbit might make up on the fly if you will.
The first couplet, and the third couplet (The sun ... / The sky is blue...) seem to fit together, though the second couplet seems disconnected from the rest, more like an observation than anything else -as though you were telling me something, as opposed to showing me. The final couplet seems to summarize the work, "Just walking along".
I think, like Walt Whitman's constant tinkering on "Song of Myself" -his most famous work, this is a poem you might consider returning to again and again, adding to it and revising as you go t serve as a barometer of your progress, shall we say. "Song of Myself" went through at least 5 published versions, each one longer than the previous. (I'm not suggesting you make each version longer for the sake of making it longer, but coming back every now and then will help you focus your poesy.
i liked the sensory experience of sight (color) touch (the implied feel of the wind on your hair and skin), sound (the wind again, and the birds) but you left it incomplete: you should have included scent and taste.
So, final thoughts: Keep at it! Naturally the best way to improve is to write more, and to read more poetry -that is if school hasn't scared the enjoyment of poetry out of you, pick up an anthology of classic and recent poems (maybe even Old Man Whitman himself) and go through them, noting what works for you and what doesn't.
| Lolitroy chapter 1 . 12/25/2012
Haha... nice :D I like the imagery
| alisonreed00 chapter 1 . 9/25/2012
This is really good.
| SuperMechaDeathChrist chapter 1 . 9/25/2012
Bravo, mate, bravo. *clapclapclapclapclapclapclap *