|Reviews for Looking For Death|
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 4 . 1/3/2013
Okay, since it's their souls, would it be destroying their souls or killing them? Still confused. I never expected Death to be such a smart ass, I figured him to be more serious, but he kind of makes me laugh. This story is a little confusing. :/
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 3 . 1/3/2013
Is it even possible to kill souls? This is a little confusing, is it based off of Greek mythology or is it from your own imagination? The choppiness is starting to smooth out, but now I feel like the paragraphs could use some buffing, like more descriptive words. The dialogue also falls sort of flat.
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 2 . 1/3/2013
Okay, now that her injuries are highlighted, she honestly should be dead. The underworld and all is still very creative, however, and I like the creatures. This chapter is also a little choppy, and it seems like Elliot is too bratty to the person\man\god\thing that holds her life and soul in his hands, but maybe that's just her personality.
| A. Nonymous1234 chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
Yikes... honestly, I would have expected her to have been killed instantly, by the way you described the accident and how she looked after. It seems a little unreal she isn't dead.
There's a few spelling and grammar mistakes, and the story also seems choppy at places to me. Some sentences could have used commas instead of a period, which would reduce the choppiness of the story. Off to read more!
| Kay Iscah chapter 2 . 1/3/2013
It didn't bother me so much in chapter 1, but since Than is spelled the same as than. It kept throwing my brain off. I'd consider spelling out Thanatos outside of dialogue.
The waiting room and office feels a little Beetlejuice.
That said, I like how your handling Thanatos in general: his power, the idea of death being a choice or at least partially a choice. Pacing was a little sluggish in the waiting room, but other wise moved nicely, good end to the chapter.
Still several typos and missing words... most of the time it's obvious what word should be there. So not a bad writing issue, but it would benefit from a proof reader.
The cursing isn't too excessive, but I still think there must be better descriptives than "big bag of dicks" and "big ol' bitch". It bothers me less from Eliot...she's a teen in a high stress situation, but Thanatos is pretty much immortal. You would think he'd have a better vocabulary.
| Kay Iscah chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
A smart aleck Death is always fun. I do like the scenario you've ceated.
I think this would benefit from a tad more description, not tons, just a little bit more here and there to give a more concrete image of setting and characters...
I think you've done just the right amount of establishing personality for the characters at this point.
I admit having a Greek god talk about the angel of life was a little odd, but it's fantasy/supernatural, so I can roll with it. (though when I looked him up he had an angel like man with wings appearance, so that may work well...)
Several little typos, mainly missing commas like:
[A hooded man shows up at the sight of your death holding a scythe and you're going to ask who am?] needs a comma after scythe since it's a compound sentence.
[or let soul walk into the afterlife."] seems to be missing a word, and it's a really important sentence.
| professional griefer chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
Okay, there was one stylistic thing I saw that I didn't like: In the beginning, you use the name Eliot over and over. Since there was only one character then, I'd say you could just use she. Also, I would consider changing Eliot's name, because I got confused about her gender.
I liked your description of the procedure, I thought it was really inventive and you managed to do something new. I'm always interested in stories about the afterlife, I'm sure I'll be interested in this.
I also liked how you instantly set up the quest and made us aware of what she had to do, I just think it was quite effective.
| evil-kenshin chapter 4 . 1/2/2013
great chapter, wonder how they will get out.