Reviews for Thoughts Through Time
jakbnimble chapter 5 . 10/15/2012
I really enjoyed these works. They're all very easy to relate to. I can't even begin to tell you how well I relate to "College Problems." Wonderful!
TheGlycoprotein chapter 5 . 10/14/2012
This is brilliantly thought out, fits to the rigid structure of a haiku really well and is very relevant! Nice one :)
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 5 . 10/14/2012
Ahaha - I like this one (or rather, these two). They're funny, and I can *definitely* relate to the concept. My critique is that there isn't much "poetic" there. Although it tells a funny story, it doesn't really feel like a poem at all since the wording is so loose within a format that is supposed to force the writer to make it tight (i.e., again with all of those "unnecessary" baggage words that just eat up syllables).

Still cute though.

- Moonstar, Review Courtesy of the Review Game’s Review Marathon! (Link in my profile.)
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 4 . 10/14/2012
I like the first one more than the second in this case. It's extremely frustrating when teachers rant about their own personal views and waste "class" time for spouting things that aren't in line with what should be getting taught, so I can relate to that. Particularly when it's *completely* irrelevant (politics in a math class). I don't like the use of the word "crap" though - it sounds unprofessional and out of place in a haiku.

Also, in regards to the second one, in this case I don't like that you broke up the word "disregarded". Breaking it up adds nothing (and in fact detracts) from the flow, and it just feels like you're cheating to make it work in haiku format.

- Moonstar
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 3 . 10/14/2012
I like the message here. It certainly gets the reader to think. I also like the contradiction within the second line (if read alone). Before getting to the final line, "the prayers of those who don't pray" stands out, and sounds neat (even if it makes little sense 'til you get to the final piece).

- Moonstar
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 2 . 10/14/2012
I really like the second one here. At first I wasn't sure about the breaking up of "amble", but reading it, I think it almost emphasizes that idea even more. The word is broken, but there, ambling on.

I don't think the first one is as strong as the second one, and even without it as a precursor, I think the second could stand alone. Part of what I don't like about the first one is the feeling of "unnecessary" additions (important to watch with a style like haiku when the entire idea is making use of every syllable). For instance the "I am" isn't really necessary. "No longer needed" gets across the same message, more directly.

But hey, just a thought. Really do like the second one. :)

- Moonstar
Anihyr Moonstar chapter 1 . 10/14/2012
Interesting. I like the disconnect (or surprise factor) of the last line. At first, you build up this scene of unity (positive) and there's no mental preparation for the fall, but then it's there, and I think that makes it that much more striking.

I don't understand the last blip, though. The "and I am again alone" feels out of place if it's supposed to be part of the poem (also breaks the haiku). If you felt you just *needed* to put it there, I'm here to tell you I think it was already very strong as it was.

- Moonstar, Review Courtesy of the Review Game’s Review Marathon! (Link in my profile.)
Phantasmagoria Land chapter 5 . 10/14/2012
As someone also in college, I can completely relate to this. This happens a lot more than I want it to! You have a lovely collection here.
Angelissimo chapter 3 . 10/13/2012
"Do you think God hears

The prayers of those who don't pray,

Except when in peril?"

I believe God listens everything. It's the people who don't listen to what He's trying to say. It's good that you're trying to cover many aspects of life through your collection of haiku.
Angelissimo chapter 2 . 10/13/2012
I like your use of enjambment in the first line: "without me, they am

-ble forward. "

It's good that you're able to pull off a meaningful message in a haiku, of course.
TheGlycoprotein chapter 1 . 9/28/2012
The ambiguity in this piece makes it incredibly intriguing. The title is fitting, and I do love the way you've tied it up at the end :)