|Reviews for Scarred|
| scrubbybubbles chapter 1 . 9/29/2012
I enjoy stories that are both short and of high-quality and your story is both. I actually kind of liked the fact that you didn't use too much imagery, since it forced me (as a reader) to focus on what was important: the characterization of Jacie. You did a beautiful job of fleshing out her character, making her seem so life-like. She felt so realistic, like a devastated, yet stubbornly strong, person should. Therefore, it made it crushingly sad to see Jacie essentially decide to kill herself. Although you used slightly simplistic language, it really allowed the words to speak for themselves, to let them exude the emotions of sorrow, of loss, and of hurt. There were a few grammatical mistakes in the piece and they are listed below:
Revised- "pretty good fucking reason for" Original- "pretty fucking good reason for"
Revised- "life, nothing to warn me that everything I knew was about to go to ruin" Original- "life, well no foreshadowing that I can recall"
Revised- "There wasn't much that I could remember from that day, with the terror and grief I felt overriding everything else. But I remember enough, much more than I actually wanted to..." Original- "But that doesn't necessarily mean anything, as there is not much I can recall from that day – the terror and grief I felt overriding everything else."
Revised- "In a snap of the fingers, I had become broken" Original- "With a click of the fingers, I was broken"
Revised- "so broken that I couldn't bring" Original- "so broken I couldn't bring"
Revised- "just another reminder of" Original- "just an outside reminder of"
Revised- "I didn't bat an eye, not even when they began to furiously search for a foster home that would take me in, as shattered as I was." Original- "I hadn't even batted an eyelid, not even when they began furiously searching for a foster home that would take me, shattered as I was."
You clinched this story very well with the last couple of sentences and also left the readers with an excellent cliffhanger. I hope that my revisions and my review are helpful and I look forward to read more of your works.