|Reviews for Viral Chaos: Glimpse of Reality|
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 1 . 2/26
Just visiting. :)
Had to start with this one, seeing how this was the first story in a series, if I didn't get you wrong.
Ah, the Chase before Boom's. I won't mention technicalities, seeing how this was written ages ago.
Dat clothing description. Dat atmosphere. Dat characters.
Almost classic start, though. But I trust you enough to pull a story that goes beyond the mass-produced video game-based stories that flood the fiction world.
| Jax Creation chapter 1 . 11/4/2012
Awesome intro! Haven't read a prologue that epic in ages. Really sets the stage for things to come. *excited* (#w#)/
Love Chase's character, he's so... brooding XD
Austin's a real enigma. Homo pedo hippy, lol. Nah, he's cool-I hope to see more of him in the future. (Is it bad that the image of Kisuke Urihara popped into my head when I was reading him?)
Anyway, great set-up. Fantastic description. (Though as a beta-reader I should tsk a little over the info-dumpish nature of the character descriptions, but I think that they were integrated in a way that didn't seem like an info-dump... if that makes any sense at all.) Awesome writing style. And epic premise.
Looking forward to reading more! :3
Couple of things to address on the constructive crit side:
*Grammar: "the brown[-]haired teen[']s lips"
*Grammar: "He was just one of dozens of orphaned children, as well as being the oldest sixteen years old"
*Grammar in dialogue: use commas not periods when dialogue is followed by a speech tag. (e.g. "If you keep the anti-social act up, you're going to be alone for the rest of your life[,]" [his] orphanage mother told him once.)
*Lots of fragmented sentences that could be joined together for better flow-err, not that I can talk, I write like that too XP
Minor things, nothing big. Awesome work :3
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 10 . 10/27/2012
I'll have to bail out on my word to finish this unfortunately. I'm not as confident in my exam preparation as I thought. Anyway...
I thought the flow of this chapter was a bit jerky. The transition of scenes from Terrance training, Derad contemplating, Chase learning from shadow, Tia talking to Ezekiel, and then all the way to the cliffhanger where Ezekiel summoned Ballistic, there's this lingering feeling that there could have been more buildup perhaps? Especially the part where Terrance and Chase joined forces after a mere introduction, that felt a bit forced. You also might want to consider differentiating Goki and Tia a little bit, right now they are like identical twins going gaga over Chase lol.
This minor criticism aside, I think the fighting concepts you introduced into this chapter are damn cool... I could borrow a few more pointers from beat-them-up games. I'm looking forward to see how the Aura-break and Nightmare Step would figure in the battle when I pick the story up again. And I feel that Ballistic is going to turn back and bite Ezekiel in the ass, dunno, maybe it's because I played Ys Origin recently :P
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 9 . 10/27/2012
I love the old man's deadpans. And how he easily exposed whatever that was behind Chase's thinking. At it's base, Chase wasn't being noble for the sake of being noble, he was still thinking about himself, and it ties in nicely with the first chapter. And so now he's at the crossroads, between the path of heaven and hell (chaos).
And he also has a harem consisting of a fairy and thief. Which I presume is going to grow in numbers pretty soon XD On a side note, I didn't know healing could be so sensual lol, actually come to think of it, I do, but... nevermind.
Ooo, so Chase was born in the game (can I even call it a game now when the realities are so blurred). Figures. More questions again. How did he end up in the real world? Why did Austin bring him back again?
I pity whoever has to fix up the town on a daily basis. Nice mix of the modern and ancient by the way.
Rei is back! Awesomesauce. And I'm intrigued about that Shadow character.
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 8 . 10/27/2012
Ok, now Tia is suddenly concerned about Chase's well-being, another instance of jarring character change to fit the plot. But I think you have noted that in your rewrite, so it's fine.
Wow, a chapter full of questions. So apparently Chase's father was somehow involved in this world before (perhaps even Chase himself, maybe his memories were tempered with?), and now we have this Bankai, I mean transformation thing going on, and Tia's reminisce about Mai, and Vahn pops up, whom I presume is going to be Chase's end opponent, plus all the fighting going on (which is awesomely choreographed as usual), it's a little too messy and a tad confusing.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 13 . 10/27/2012
And comradeship and teamwork ahoy! :)
You do not fail to make this entertaining. The fact things are now getting higher makes this even more exciting.
Glad to see Chase undergo more development as he realize...He's having friends that'll stand by him. :)
Keep up the great writing!
| D.sweet's chapter 13 . 10/27/2012
Christian is one of the coolest villains. His power was cool. The fact that they all had to fight together for the first time was really well done.
Goki's power was amazing.
I wonder what will become of Christian and Ezekiel.
| D.sweet's chapter 12 . 10/27/2012
One of the best fights in Viral history... nuf said.
| D.sweet's chapter 11 . 10/27/2012
"Phoenix Arrow!" This was an action packed chpt. Ballistic is extremely powerful. To bad what happened to Paragon but it was a good fight. The fact that Rei came to Chase's aid was cool. Now Terrance is fired up, can't wait to see what he can do.
| D.sweet's chapter 10 . 10/27/2012
A lot happened this chpt. I like Shadow and his dark power. The concept of Aura break should be a good tool in the fights. Terrance seems like a cool character. Chase's new adventure with him in the kingdom is a interesting turn of events. Ballistic seems really powerful. Can't wait to see how the handle it.
| D.sweet's chapter 9 . 10/27/2012
A city level, I like. The librarian as well as Amille add a lot of mystery to the story. I liked Chase's fight with Kain and his character as well. Their fight really tore some stuff up.
The most interseting part was Shadow; can't wait to review what comes next.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 12 . 10/27/2012
Wow...This is a pretty epic fight.
King Derad's a tough son of a bitch. And omigod, Rei!
...Reminds me of Rei in Fist of the North Star now. XD
But really, loved how you handle the fight and back story that fills the gap between the combatants.
Keep up the great writing!
| D.sweet's chapter 8 . 10/27/2012
'What power, and he's not even completely transformed yet!' This chpt was tight. Chase and Tia got off really well. I liked Tia's attack and I love Chase's transformation.
The fight was action packed showing Chase's awesome ability and Felis' power. The man Vahn was the most dynamic part of this chpt he seems powerful beyond imagination.
| D.sweet's chapter 7 . 10/27/2012
Interesting, Jade and Felis appear. I liked the chpt. I like Rei's power a lot. One of my fav characters.
Tia the bounty hunter is going to by an interesting asset to the story. Can't wait to review all the stuff that's about to go down.
| D.sweet's chapter 6 . 10/27/2012
Only two may hold this power. Only one shall live with it. Good chpt. I like that they're in another level.
Rei seems really funny and strong. Can't wait to move on.