Reviews for Eagan: Deep Convictions: February 2014
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 12/1/2012
I feel like there's a lot going on here. Like I said before, some of these stories can be a bit confusing. Mostly, it tends to be because you introuduce a lot of characters at once. That doesn't apply here - instead, I think the writing itself is quite fast-paced, which makes it difficult to keep up with what's going. You also jump from scene to scene, maybe use a scene break (X X X or something similar) to seperate one scene from another. I was a bit confused at the end as to who was who, and why he just left Annabelle in the back of the car at the start. The confusion at the end, partly, comes from where he says ["No," he choked. "Annabelle. Let me up."] and then the woman is does she know him? And why does he pull over for those guys if they're just going to beat him up? You may want to slow down a bit and show the emotions of the characters, so the readers can understand a bit more about them, their motivations, etc. You may also want to hint towards why they're beating him up, too.