|Reviews for The Tome of Nomolos|
| Ghost Divsion chapter 1 . 12/21/2012
Let me just get this out the way quickly. Oberon is a massive douchebag. I don't know if you we're trying to make him a main character or anything, but the way he handles himself makes him severly unlikable, and I was really hoping that the Mercs would have killed him as soon as possible. That being said, I liked the descriptions of the mercenaries and the weapon they used. It really helped the characters fell alive.
| One Last Note chapter 1 . 10/20/2012
Ooh, interesting plot. I liked the whole "It was their choice" thing and I think that the characterisation in this piece is the best I have come across in your work. That said, I do think that there can be more in the way of character development but I understand that this is just the first chapter and such things do tend to need a few chapters to get the ball rolling.
My only other criticism is that you do not tell us how Oberon is really feeling. I know that it is very tempting to make a non-sympathetic character by not mentioning any emotions, but it tends to work better if you either have him feeling a surge of emotions then controlling them, or even describe his lack of emotions - discuss how cold he is inside.
Great battle scenes, rich detail and an engaging plotline. There are a few teething problems with this piece but I have full confidence that you can make it get over them and turn this good start into a great story! Well done and keep it up!
| hotleafjuice chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
| ca boom chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
Try to show a little bit more than tell. I fall into the same trap myself.
| Lynn K. Hollander chapter 1 . 10/2/2012
'...you would protect me and by both my sword and shield,' -typo? '... you would protect me and BE both my sword and shield?' '...by being both my...'?
'talking amongst themselves.' -A purist would point out that something is divided or occurs among 3 or more; while two people will talk between themselves. In this construction, between does sound better.
'...through beaten doors that no doubt once served as a mighty barrier of protection from intruders, but now was a reminder ...' doors, plural. '...beaten doors...were...' And I have trouble with the image: Are these doors of beaten metal? or are the doors broken?
'Saskia let out a petty whimper...' petty - inconsequential, mean, trivial? Not sure petty is a good word here.
- Mostly good, but seems to need some proofreading for sense.