|Reviews for The Life & Mind of Charlotte Massinon|
| melawe chapter 2 . 10/15/2012
well at least now i know you dont just talk to yourself when ever i drive you our im around you hhhmmmm not that i think about it you did that a lot in stats.
| Jac of Stats chapter 2 . 10/11/2012
I'm so not scared of Charlotte...*Looks behind me to see if she's in the closet*
| Underak3r chapter 2 . 10/10/2012
Where? hmm how about transylvania lol but that wouldnt make any sense XD but it seems like it would take place in a weird place like that XD or maybe where charlotte lives.
Even though your A/N section says you didnt flow the parts together, it didnt appear to me that it was choppy at all. I mean yes it cuts out some extra quantity that would make it longer but it still contains everything that makes it interesting.
Look forward to more :D
| Underak3r chapter 1 . 10/10/2012
I'm looking forward to another fantastic story Pancake, I'll be supporting you along the way. :D Very attention grabbing if I might add.
| Katsurou Shimizu chapter 2 . 10/6/2012
A decent start, though the pacing could have been done a little better. Charlotte at the moment seems to be that silent tsundere (if her last comments were of any indication) with imaginary friends. Looking forward to those conversations next chapter. Drew needs a bit more personality, because so far I have the impression that he is just that typical bumbling first year. Give him a quirk, some characteristic that maybe Charlotte identifies with and that's why she is talking to him.
I'll also rehash the standard "show don't tell" mantra for your prose. Telling too much about how someone feels can disengage someone from the story. For instance, you can do away with those colorful speech tags and adverbs (exclaimed... slyly) and just replaced them with a good old "said". The speech enough should be strong enough to indicate someone's feelings and thoughts. And also, don't worry too much about descriptions. Let the reader picture them through the character's mannerisms and actions.
I hope I didn't sound too critical here. Awaiting your next chapter :)